Somewhat Random 5 for July 12, 2026 – Guests, death, obituaries, preferences, memories

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Company! – We had relatives visiting this week. We spent some quality time eating, drinking and discussing cats. They have six. I only have two. The discussion was very lively. We talked about other things too, but I can’t remember anything but the cats!

More death – In the last week or so we lost two people. Neither one was someone we knew well but they were connected to people we did know. My mother, ever the superstitious one when it came to death, always said what twos it, threes it. Hopefully not this time.

Speaking of death — Obituaries are interesting. They paint a rosy picture of the deceased even when you know it’s not true. The latest trend is to write it yourself (before you die!) so you can reflect on what is important to you. Last year an old friend died, and I could tell that he wrote the obit himself. It was heavy on his career successes and accolades and light on the family part. Despite having a long-term illness there was no “he died with his loving family by his side” notation and the word “beloved” didn’t appear anywhere.

Speaking of obituaries – The beloved husband and I have decided to keep our demise simple. No funeral and more of a notice than a gushy obituary. Nobody cares what our favorite hobbies are/were and unless we win the FIFA Peace Prize, our mile markers are meaningless to anyone else. We will let our loved ones mourn in whatever way they wish, hopefully sharing a margarita and adopting a cat.

No good bag goes unused. Gracie was the original bag lady here. She was a very wise soul.

Also related – We remember and mourn as we do. I still mourn beloved pets from decades ago. I remember their idiosyncrasies and treasure them (mostly, there were a few with bad habits). There are many people who are not remembered or loved as fervently. I read that within two generations our existence is forgotten. I know nothing about my grandparents. Three were gone before I was born and the other died when I was very young. I have no warm memories of baking cookies or being cradled in love. I’m sure they were kind loving people because my parents told me so. I still miss my parents. I often invoke the “what would mom do” when I’m in a weird situation although I’m just as likely to ask “what would Gracie (my late cat) do” too. Gracie knew how to handle situations. I could write a book on her.

So how was your weekend.  

72 thoughts on “Somewhat Random 5 for July 12, 2026 – Guests, death, obituaries, preferences, memories”

  1. I enjoy exploring cemeteries and really enjoy the over-the-top monuments from years gone by. I always tease Dave that I want a weeping angel draped over my tombstone :) And if she could be looking up at heaven as if to say “Why? Why was she taken from us?” so much the better!
    We’re still thinking about what we really want to do. It is funny how grief takes us and who we grieve for.

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    • When my husband’s daughter came to visit last year, I had her take “obit” pictures. Most of our pictures are at least 10 years old. Of course we could use our high school picture which some people seem to do.

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  3. Doing a streamlined obit and no service works for us too.

    But I will not haunt anyone if they decide to make more of a fuss out of our passing . . . they will know that they are doing it for them and not for us.

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  4. That photo of Gracie in the bag…her face had an almost human expression.
    Cats are just private and soulful, bur lovely company too – quiet, no barking or bouncing.

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  6. Kate, I hope you change your minds about the obits. I love reading obituaries as it enables me to look over the life of someone I knew and find out things I didn’t know which enriches my view of them. This trend of doing away with obituaries is kind of heart-breaking to me.

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  8. It was a hot weekend but good. The neighborhood had a potluck and it was nice meeting folks who have been here for a while. Found out my favorite neighbor may need to move to Africa to better manage her non-profit. I’m crushed-she has been such a lovely person and kind of the glue of folks on our little lane. Stay cool this week. Scorching temps for the next 3 days makes me want to hibernate in an igloo.

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  9. I love the simplicity in your arrangements. My mother didn’t want any hoopla, and we were grateful. We remember, laugh, and cry at different memories all the time ❤️

    I have to say, the loss of pets is rough. I think about my little fur balls more than I don’t.

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    • My mom’s was simple too. I remember it as something I had to get through rather than a fun thing. We still talk about “mom-isms” and who shares the trait. She isn’t forgotten but remembered in the day to day.

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  12. I do remember grandparents, it’s great grands I do not remember. I agree with you, a small notice and let the family do something together, there’s no need for a big write up or a huge gathering.

    I hope you decide to write the book about Gracie. Maybe lessons she taught you or something.

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    • Family will get together in their own way without something formal planned. When my mom died, most of her siblings had already died. We had a church service and burial with a luncheon afterward (typical in our area). As a family we got together to clean out the house and that was more intimate.

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  13. I think you should write a book about Gracie. I am sorry for the 2 losses you had this week. I have stated I only want my obit to say I saved a lot of cats.

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  14. My parents felt the same way about funerals, and their obits were very simple. People spend hundreds and hundreds of dollars to put their life story in the paper and it’s just ridiculous.

    My mother’s parents both died before I was born, and my father’s both died before I turned 10 years old. We weren’t close so I missed out on the grandparent relationship too.

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    • My husband’s father was a very successful businessman who retired early and became an accomplished painter. His paintings sold for thousands of dollars (big money at the time!). His obit didn’t include any of that. It was just the facts.

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  15. My mother didn’t want a funeral and I had a fight with her to get her to reconsider. Funerals are for the bereaved, not the dead. They help people process the loss. It collects together family and friends, who get to share memories and reconnect. In the end we had a funeral for Mom. And my coworker told me it was the most fun she’s ever had at a funeral. Because it was a big family reunion and people were telling stories and laughing. Funerals or as they seem to be called now – Celebrations of Life – are important. I hope you guys reconsider.

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    • No I won’t. Back in the day, my relatives had those kind of funerals and they were wonderful and helped with closure. I remember being asked to leave a restaurant for being too loud (it was the whole table, not just me). Times change. Family is dwindling. People don’t want to go. There were less than 10 people at my oldest brother’s funeral. I’m the youngest of 50 cousins and there are 4 of us left. I’ve been to too many that weren’t social at all. That’s not what I would want.

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  16. My grandma made it to 92. She was a lively person with a big personality who had many close friends. Unfortunately, all of them died before her. The family attended a small graveside funeral. It was nice, but it seemed strangely inappropriate for a person like her.

    A lifelong friend died a couple of weeks ago. Her husband, three daughters and many grandchildren got together to write a very, very long, loving obituary. It was nice, I guess, but it did seem a bit overdone. Oh well.

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    • The obit was part of their grieving process. Once I determine is I know the person I rarely read the entire obit. I went to the funeral of a co-worker’s 36-year-old son. It was overwhelming. There had to be 200 people there. It could have been sad but they were playing Beatles music. It’s hard to be somber to that.

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  17. Not being morbid, but my husband and I have had a few end-of-life discussions lately. We’ve both reached the age that we can no longer kid ourselves into believing that we will live forever. A neighbor is showing signs of decreased cognitive abilities (her husband is in complete denial) which, to me, is even more worrisome. I love your idea of margaritas and cat adoption.

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  18. I’m familiar with things coming in threes.
    Hubby and I have been talking about what to do when one of us passes. Our wishes are simple, no flashy funeral, just a simple cremation , no service. We are quiet people, don’t like fuss, and don’t like the hypocrisy of ‘caring relatives’ coming out of the woodwork to get a slice when they couldn’t give a toss about us whilst living.

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  19. My mother always said bad news comes in three too – I hope this doesn’t happen for you. I think of my long-lost pets as well and though it will be 10 years on December 2nd since I lost my last pet, a canary named Buddy, I often think of him and the others before him, especially their idiosyncrasies. I remember all their death dates in my head and think about them on that anniversary. I have not thought of an obituary notice for myself as I have no family left and no close local friends – they are spread out around the U.S. years ago, having left Michigan for their career, or that of their husband. That is a peculiar predicament for me to be in.

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      • Yes, I wish when I did all my trust documents I had thought of that for the attorney to put a post out about my demise. He is my emergency contact as I have no family. Another WP blogger wrote about a blogger who died suddenly and someone posted about it. I just found out that my favorite attorney boss (not my most-recent one), but the one before, had a fatal heart attack at the Tigers baseball game today. In my 44 years of being a legal secretary, he was my favorite – not like the others who worked all hours of the night (only when it was a trial which is different). He always divided his time for family and work evenly. He had triplet girls and a boy, all teens when I started working for him in 1993. After we went thru the merger, the acquiring firm raised all the attorney’s rates $100.00 to $150.00/hour and he said “I’ll lose my longtime clients – they have a special rate.” They didn’t care and they all left and they told him, a longtime equity partner he had to go as he wasn’t productive. I couldn’t go with him – he went to the City of Detroit Legal Department (as he had no cases of his own). I couldn’t go with him as I am not a citizen, a requirement to work there. You never know when your time is up. He was 77.

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        • That’s a sad story. The employment attorney we used when I worked went out on his own after this firm merged with a bigger one. My company went with him. He was a great attorney but wasn’t interested in the politics of getting ahead in a large firm. He had been a partner in the old firm.

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          • Yes, it is sad and I can’t get Ed out of my mind and have been dwelling on him and his family since I learned of his death. A heart attack would be the last thing I’d imagine about him – he was always cool as a cucumber, unflappable, always calm. I think he was 5′ 2″ tall and 100 pounds soaking wet. I looked like a giant next to him (I’m 5′ 9″ tall). The Tigers never ever scored in that game, so it’s not like he was hyped up about the game.

            The merger was the worst thing for our firm – we were 75 people altogether (including attorneys, paralegals, administrative) and we merged with a Richmond, Virginia firm with 250 attorneys alone and they had multiple offices in Virginia. No comparison to what we were before. I’d have gone with Ed in a heartbeat if he joined another firm, but he no longer had anything to offer but his skills and many years of being a lawyer, as his book of business was gone. Big firm politics is not for everyone, so I don’t blame your lawyer … after Ed left, I left with my boss to start a new firm as he did not want to lose his clients and all 62 clients went with us at the same rate they had when we left, plus we did not charge for any disbursements going forward – they charged for everything (postage, copies, fax) so they got quite a deal.

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  21. Our weekend has been good! We had rain!
    No funeral. Three kitties’ ashes with ours. No obituary.
    Gracie was a sweetheart♥
    I feel very fortunate to have known and spent time with my grandparents. Without my Granddad I would not have had my love of horses and cats. I do miss my Mom, there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of her. I don’t feel like I ever really bonded with my father. He passed when I was 20.
    A book about Gracie? That would be so special.

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  23. Gracie was a great cat along with all the others you gave a loving home to. Takes a special person Kate, to suffer heartbreak of any kind then jump back in and love again. As far as forgetting. I still mourn those I’ve lost. Whether I’m remembered, who knows.

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  24. Too many people I know dying these days. I guess that’s what happens if you make it to this age. I’m with you. No funeral. Cremate me, and spread the ashes somewhere. The ocean would be my first choice.

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  25. Hello, Gracie – rest in peace. Hardly a day goes by when I don’t mourn our Kitty (who passed away 5 years ago). Her passing was an enormous shock for my wife and myself. When you are as old as we are (88, 87), it is not unusual to become attached to a beloved pet friend. R.I.P. Kitty . . . . .

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  26. Well now…..I could relate to so many parts of this post I don’t know where to begin! We too have very simple “when our time comes” wishes – we have practically no family and our friends also aren’t fond of “farewell hoopla”. Other than a desire to have our pets’ ashes in with our own…..that’s about it. As for an obituary – we know that those who “need” to know we’re gone will know it without being in the newspaper. Sharing is caring but we will do that while we’re breathing thank you very much and the end will be as WE want it to be. After all most of us lived our lives as we wanted to so the end ought to be what we want it to be as well. Enough of that – now let me say WHERE THE HECK IS THE RAIN EVERYONE ELSE IS GETTING BUT US??? We are as dry as a twig. Anyone who has too much of it – send it to Virginia please! Tee Hee

    Big hugs, Pam

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