Yesterday I had my procedure. In full disclosure I had a colonoscopy with some nip and tuck going on in there. Everyone should have one of these. No really! You should. I highly recommend them if you want to wipe a few days out of your life.
I’ve had a lot of them. IBS issues for a lot of decades equals a lot of procedures but I’ll never get used to them. It’s so intrusive. It’s in a “no touchy” zone.
The procedure itself isn’t the issue it’s the massive nuclear clean-out prior that’s the problem. For some reason food put into my mouth comes out the other end like battery acid. Add a laxative inducing agent (which I never need on my own) and it’s a lot like jet rockets coming out your “no touchy” part.
I’ve always been a fast cleaner outer. I don’t need and have never taken (and yes I tell the docs that) all the prep they give me. I’m not advocating this because some people need it. I watched the beloved husband go through it. Same stuff. I think he went to the bathroom in a civilized fashion 4 or 5 times. I, on the other hand, perch on the throne for hours on end spitting and spurting molten lava from the “no touchy” part.
I don’t suggest sitting there. Whoever designed toilet seats, did not design them for lengthy stays. You get leg cramps and cold cheeks.
The good news is that since you’ve been starving yourself it doesn’t smell. All the cats joined me for a festive pity party. The room was quite crowded as I had some axle grease to sooth the “hurty” part, towels just in case and a pallet of Clorox wipes (no not for my butt but to make the bathroom presentable afterward). It was either Clorox everything or I’d have to sell the house to some unsuspecting buyer without disclosing the toxic waste area.
They gave me a new prep. I didn’t know exactly how to cheat on it because it was in two parts. It was way too strong. I got very dehydrated and wasn’t sure if I would make it to the procedure but after all the time I put in I powered through. Barely. The beloved husband had to “usher” me in as I couldn’t exactly walk on my own.
The procedure itself was easy (thank you happy juice!) and I’m sitting here the next day without any discomfort.
This is such an easy topic to write about. Here is a link to my other colonoscopy post from several years ago. The topic lends itself to humor (as long as I’m not the patient!) but the best colonoscopy story was done by Dave Barry. Here is the link. If you need a good laugh, click on it but be sure you are not drinking anything. It will fly out your nose!