I am always amazed at how we make friends. It’s easier to make individual friends than couple friends. The dynamics between four individuals is so much chancier than between two especially since opposites attract. Now you have four diversely different people who are better suited for a therapy group than dinner.
It’s easier to win the lottery than to make good long-term friends. Just when you think you have a good couple friendship going, someone does something like dies and breaks it up. You are now without an even foursome. It’s tricky to make threesomes work although it can be done. (No, I am not talking about that kind of threesome!)
We are well past the stage where we meet them through kids or work although some of our friends are former work friends.
We meet friends through friends. Sometimes the friendship sticks and sometimes…not so much.
For this picnic, the root person has been my friend for a long time. He was a training consultant with whom I occasionally worked. We would have lunch when he was around and it was always hilarious. We would create outrageous work scenarios. Sometimes there were other consultants included but sometimes it was just the two of us.
When you meet someone you enjoy, you like to share so we “double-dated,” he with his wife and me with the beloved husband. You never know how these things are going to work.
Sometimes a work connection should remain a work connection. All you have in common is work and you can bore spouses to death with a lively chatter of who did what to whom at the water cooler. (Do they still have those things?) Think of going to a class reunion with your spouse who is 10 years older than you. I can guarantee none of the discussion will be interesting. You are lucky if you recognize the music.
Sometimes you like one part of the couple but not the other. The mate can be a total bore or maybe just annoying. We have friends like that. We joke about trying to fix them up with someone else (at age 70).The friendship falls apart or gets one-sided. (Of course we always wonder what their sex life is really like. Is there fifty shades of cranky?)
Sometimes you lose custody of the friendship in a divorce. That happened to me and I was gob smacked. I thought it was a loyalty conflict or awkwardness but I found out later that we both lost custody of them. Maybe divorced people make them uncomfortable. (We can get wild and unruly at times. Come to think of it, I can’t remember the last time I ripped my clothes off in public. Note to self — visit Victoria’s Secret.)
Sometimes it works. When it does, it’s golden. They are hard to come by and precious to nurture. This weekend we will be with friends of friends and some other friends of friends. Throw in some food and drinks and it will be fun!
How do you meet friends?