Earlier this week a friend and I were discussing things that we agree to do that we don’t want to do. We do that for many reasons.
Sometimes, (most times) it’s because a friend wants to do something and doesn’t want to do it alone.
Sometimes you think it will lead you somewhere else that you want to be or maybe give you work gigs. (They rarely do either.)
Sometimes you have no freaking idea why you agreed to do it so let’s blame that one on the margaritas.
The irony of this conversation was that I was accompanying her on a blueberry picking trip. Truly, I don’t need to pick blueberries. The beloved husband does not like them and I can be satisfied with a pint or two from the store or farmers’ market.
I agreed to pick blueberries because I enjoy her. It’s quite a drive and it’s nice to have company.
That got me thinking of all the things I have agreed to do that I normally wouldn’t do. Some turned out well and some….well…they give me stories to tell.
I am exercising at the gym because I was coerced into trying it ten years ago. I really didn’t want to do it (I hate exercise) but I agreed to a three-month trial for a friend. The rest is history. (This one was good!)
When I lived in New Jersey, one of my friends badgered (yes, badgered) me into joining a bridge club. I am not the bridge type. I am the animal rummy type. Maybe even Go Fish. Yes I did it and loved it. I got very competitive too. (This one was good!)
When I lived in Delaware, my neighbor asked me to join a garden club. I love gardening. Maybe I’d learn something and meet people with similar interests. I brought the average age down to 70 (I was about 40 at the time.) and this club did the maintenance for several historical sites. Translation – they needed me as slave labor to pull weeds. The only thing I learned was to be sure to wash off afterward so the poison ivy wouldn’t be too bad. (Not so good!)
I once chaperoned a bunch of kids on a church camping trip. That was wrong on so many levels. My friends can’t picture me doing either of those activities let alone both on one trip. In a way, I enjoyed the weekend but never did it again. I realized just how much I hate camping…all those bugs and stuff. If it doesn’t say Hilton, I’m not going. (or at least Motel 6!)
Over the years I have become more selective on what I will agree to – shopping, eating, fun or drinking – YES, YES, YES!
Anything that’s work — mostly no or if I really care about the person — maybe. Anything with bugs, cold, or that’s really dirty – absolutely not!
That won’t stop me from agreeing to do something bizarre and afterward asking myself, “Why did you do that?” Hey, if you don’t try things, you don’t know.
Views and Mews by Coffee Kat 
Yes, to this post for doing things we/I don’t want to do! Somewhere between Covid and the current turbulence in the world I decided if it doesn’t give me joy, it’s a big nope. Life’s just too short and I am too old, but old enough, to say no without feeling terrible. I like your selection on being selective up there in the 12th paragraph which is… shopping (just getting back in the swing of that) eating, fun or drinking (wine for me at wine time).
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I don’t do near as much shopping as I used to. Covid helped a lot with learning to say no without guilt. Once in a while I’ll do something for a friend that I wouldn’t (or don’t want to) do but not near as frequently.
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Love this and it pretty much echoes my own feelings about everything (except exercising in a gym). After my long-ago divorce my Dad tried to cheer me up with a membership in a local gym. I knew I’d hate it but anything for OLD DAD. I always stayed in the back row – I’ve never been a front row kind of gal. Anyway, the only thing in the gym I really enjoyed was the hot tub. Cards – yes – was hooked along with lots of friends when I lived in FL on a German card game called Mau Mau. Nowadays I’ve managed to get to a 99% “thanks for inviting me to join you but no thanks” place when people invite me to do stuff (other than hubby of course!). Life moves along……at MY pace now.
Hugs, Pam
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Yep, live and learn. Wish I would have been more like this when I was younger but I did get experience and know better what I don’t like. I’ve also gotten better at politely declining to continue what doesn’t work.
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Love this and it pretty much echoes my own feelings about everything (except exercising in a gym). After my long-ago divorce my Dad tried to cheer me up with a membership in a local gym. I knew I’d hate it but anything for OLD DAD. I always stayed in the back row – I’ve never been a front row kind of gal. Anyway, the only thing in the gym I really enjoyed was the hot tub. Cards – yes – was hooked along with lots of friends when I lived in FL on a German card game called Mau Mau. Nowadays I’ve managed to get to a 99% “thanks for inviting me to join you but no thanks” place when people invite me to do stuff (other than hubby of course!). Life moves along……at MY pace now.
Hugs, Pam
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I hate gardening too actually. It just doesn’t sit well with me. I don’t like getting my hands dirty and with all those icky bugs as well?? Noooo.
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I like gardening but like to do it for myself. Doing it for others is a chore.
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XD You can keep your gardening hon.
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You know, except for your own circumstances, I could have made a similar blog. I feel much the same as do you. I enjoyed this one. 🙂
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Thanks. I sometimes still have difficulty saying no to a good friend but I’m much better at it.
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