Hair! (with a side of affirmation!)

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I have a fixation with hair. I want what I don’t have. I have always liked curly hair. It’s softer around the face especially if you let it be. I have a wave but mostly it looks straight. No matter what words I use with a stylist my hair always looks the same. Shorter, longer, doesn’t matter. Always the same.

There is an older woman I encounter on my Starbucks run with naturally curly hair which she lets flow free. Wild as the wind! Sometimes it’s unkempt looking. Sometimes a little more well behaved. It doesn’t matter. I like it all.

I admired her hair for a few months. One day I told her so (this is at 7 a.m. pre-coffee for both of us!). Her eyes lit up and I heard the whole story about a lifetime of straightening it wishing it were different. (Sound familiar?) Then it was the insecurity of freefall hair. Hmmm…I know that feeling.

It was a good ten minutes of hair talk which would have made a normal person snooze. Not me though. I was fascinated that someone with perfect hair (by my standards) who had the same feelings I did.

Her last words to me were “you made my day!” Sometimes we forget how good it feels to get a compliment. Especially us older folks who tend to be invisible. In the end we both got validation. I need to do this more and not only with hair!  Come on sing along!

55 thoughts on “Hair! (with a side of affirmation!)”

  2. I did sing and I remember all the words, though it’s been years. I have not been to a stylist since October or November of 2019 due to Covid. I bought a pair of scissors and cut my long hair, but I miss the layers. I went to Jill for years and she cut my hair in long layers, which curled up nicely – not it kind of hangs there. I really do need a good cut – they were closed a very long time. It’s a husband/wife who own the shop and Jim had back surgery and post-surgery issues and is very tall and was urged not to do much bending, so it is just Jill now. I used to have highlights too but didn’t care for when she told me I should do lowlights … it looked fake, like a tiger’s stripes. I asked her to tone down the blonde streaks, but she said “it looks great” (it didn’t), so I remain status quo for now, deciding what to do, sometime ….

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  3. Such a nice story, Kate. I agree with you that it’s nice to share something positive with another person. It costs nothing to give them a little boost. I always wanted curly hair, too! I remember in the 60’s some of my friends trying to iron their hair straight and doing all they could to eliminate their curls, and I had a hard time understanding! I had permanents for years and years trying to add in that curl. One day I just had to accept that my hair is not my best feature. 🙂 Acceptance!

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  4. I grew up with exceedingly thick auburn hair, and I loved it. Transition to retirement, and I still colored it but it started getting thinner. I let it go natural a half a dozen years or so ago, and I am at peace with it. It is silver, so it’s kind of pretty. I always envy the ladies with the thick snow white hair – classy. Yes, a compliment can go a long way to making a person feel good.

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  5. I am with Pam up there, I have hated my hair ever since I had to start dealing with it. It is thin and fine, has a bunch of cowlicks and it frustrates me. My Dad had great wavy hair and he sure didn’t give it to me. I spend most of time here in a visor or a hat and I just ignore it. Every picture I have seen you in, I have thought your hair looked great!

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  6. One thing I noticed during the pandemic is that, by necessity, people had to let their hair be what it was. Cutting it or colouring it, became difficult or impossible. People who had always cut their hair had to let it grow. People who had always coloured their hair stopped. More often than not, the “real” hair really worked! People became themselves again. That was an interesting forced social experiment.

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    • I had some friends let their gray grow out with mixed results. Not everyone looks good in gray hair but some do. Especially the silvery ones. I continued to color and cut my own hair so there wasn’t much difference for me. The other part of the social experiment is clothing. I’m retired so I don’t dress for work everyday but I do wear clean clothes that fit well. Not everyone is of the persuasion either. I’m still seeing pajamas on people picking up coffee! 🙂

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  8. A few months ago I complimented the lady at pizza place about her hairs and now she has a big smile for me whenever I pick-up, doesn’t even ask for my name. Her hair is dark, almost black and I absolutely loved her hairstyle – it was one of those chic straight styles with layers and bangs, something I could never ever wear. So I asked her who did her hair and amazingly she goes to the same hairdresser I do, so I asked the hairdresser if I could wear her style and she said no, it would be too much work and wouldn’t fall right. I read your 2013 blog which showed up below with the Meg Ryan photo (my idol also – did the woman ever have a hairstyle that wasn’t great – long, short, feathered, curly, that long braid from Sleepless in Seattle which I watched recently) and I have the same hair you do – straight on crown and bangs and curly at the back and bottom and thick curly so it’s hard to straighten, and then even the straighter parts have weird waves and kinks and cowlicks sticking out at the sides. So for decades I permed it to get the top to match the rest, now I straighten the whole thing, more work but the every 6 month perm did a real frizz job. When I look back at the photos I cringe, it looks like straw. If I’m ever reincarnated I want to come back with straight dark hair.

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    • I had a work friend of Italian ancestry a long time ago. Her hair was perfect. It wasn’t exactly straight but it wasn’t curly either. She wore the shag cut (remember that?) like no one else. When she permed it in the 80s, it was perfect. No frizz and lots of shine. I always wanted her hair in a blonde shade! 🙂 Meg Ryan’s curls would be perfect! Cowlicks! Yikes! I have two concentric ones at the crown so I never wear my hair short because I need crown length to manage them. I’m yearning for a top partial perm but my hair is kind of old for that. I’m just glad I have enough hair. Many of my friends have thinning hair.

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  9. I learned recently how much a simple compliment or words of envy can change a person’s mood. I was sitting in the waiting room at the eye doc’s and there was a couple two rows in front of me, and no one else. She was to his right, and every time she spoke to him, she turned to face him. She had the most beautiful profile! I felt like I was staring because I WAS staring, waiting to see it again. It took me several minutes to work up the courage, but I finally said, “Excuse me” and gave her the compliment that her profile was beautiful. She smiled and said, “Thank you’ and that was it. Except it wasn’t it. I was back in the waiting room after my exam and they were about to walk out when she saw me, walked towards me and said, “Is it okay if I give you a hug?” I had no idea how one simple statement to someone else could have such an impact! Oh, and I have curly hair…well, some curly hair. From mid-head to my neck on the back of my head, I have wonderful, dare I say fabulous curls that nestle there. The entire rest of my head, including top and sides of my head, has stick straight hair!

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    • I think I have your same hair. The crown and bangs are pretty straight. The best curls get covered by the crown hair. Boo! I learned that lesson about compliments myself when I retired. In my position I terminated people, disciplined people and did a lot of conflict management stuff. When I announced my retirement many of the employees told me they would miss me as they felt I was fair (hardly anyone thinks things are fair!) and listened. I was stunned and it changed something.

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  10. You are so right. I just turned into an invisible “older-folk” on my last birthday. I don’t like being invisible. You just gave me the inspiration to compliment an older-folk when I see them. And btw, I’ve always had straight hair and wished for curls. Last year I decided to go for broke and got a perm. Once the frizz calmed down, I loved it, but now I’m ready for my straight hair again. It’s halfway grown out.

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    • I tried to get a perm but my hairdresser is reluctant. I may go back to the hairdresser I used when I got perms. She did a great job and next overprocessed. My hair takes 5 minutes with the solution and that’s it. Change is nice. That invisible thing is real. You don’t understand it until you experience it.

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      • Kate, thank you for saying that about the invisible thing. I’ve just started experiencing it and it hit me hard. You’re right about not understanding it, because I had no idea until now.
        And yes, you need a good hairdresser to not over process a perm. The hairdresser I had did a terrible job. I got online to find out how to tame it down, and thankfully, what I read worked.

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  11. My last haircut was August 1970…after the funeral of a friend who died in a plane crash. My mother reminded me to get my hair cut before school started…and it dawned on me that I was 24 years old, gainfully employed and had my own apartment. I could now have the long hair I had wanted.

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  12. My two older sisters got the good hair with just enough body and wave. I got straight hair that mother permed. At this age I have learned to live with fine, straight gray hair. But I always envied those hair like your Starbucks friend. I am sure your hair is lovely, Kate!

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  13. As long as it’s sun lightened, I’m friends with my hair.

    It’s happy not being teased, dried, curled, dyed, etc. And I’m happy not having to waste time messing with it ~ wash and wear hair!

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  14. My hair was long and straight growing up. Mom always wanted to give it curls – from sponge rollers to orange juice cans, nothing really worked. When I turned 30-ish my hair turned curly. Something about the hormones. And after menopause my hair is very fine and thin, still curly and in desperate need of a good styling.

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  16. Hi, Kate – I straightened my hair every day from when I was 11 until I was 50. Then I just gave up and let it be. I really missed having straight hair but eventually accepted that that was never gonna happen for me (without tons of daily work).

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  18. I’ve never loved my hair either. Thin and straight…not too many options. Though I did have it permed and almost like an Afro in my 20’s. Too much money, trouble, and chemicals. I just live with it as it is.

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  20. I would not have found your conversation boring! I have wavy hair that could be curly or straight depending on how you style it. But my face looks better with straight hair, for the most part. And that’s a pain. My hair does the popular (NOW!) beachy waves automatically, but the just don’t look as good with my face. But the hair itself? If I fall sleep with it wet, I wake up with amazing curls and ringlets.

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  21. HA! I sure remember that song!! I have always HATED my hair. No matter the length it is thin and looks horrible short or long. THEN I had cancer treatment for a year so my thin hair got even THINNER. Anyway, I’m just grateful to have hair at this point so you’d think I wouldn’t still complain but I do. I really always wanted curly hair and got a perm – once – couldn’t wait for it to grow out. Am I ever going to be satisfied with my hair? Probably not but I’ve learned how to “settle” with it. Sort of.

    Hugs, Pam

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  22. oooh I hear you… my hairy adventure was the wish to look like agnetha from abba… didn’t work. after 2 hours in the bathroom I cut a triangle into my bangs… looked like an idiot. cruella aka my mom sent me to school anyway… aaaaaaaarggghhhh

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