Something that brought a hearty chuckle (out loud) was the thought of having a loudspeaker attached to the roof of my car. I wouldn’t really do it (or would I?). Yet the thought is so fun!
I talk to other drivers all the time. They just can’t hear me and perhaps that’s for the best. Some of them may be packing heat and I’d get my head shot off. (My comments are kind and loving! Mostly…I think of it as gentle
Here are some great real-life uses for car loudspeakers.
I’m in the Starbucks drive-through in back of a driver whose eyes are glued to his crotch. Me: “Hey yo! Get off of your cellphone and move up! You left a space big enough for a herd of buffalo to roam through!” (I have to assume he is not really looking at his crotch because that would be gross!)
Me driving along a road with a 45 mph speed limit in back of a putzer doing 20 mph. “Hey sweetie (my attempt at being nice), put your pedal to the metal dammit. No need to worry about squirrels running out. They are trained. I trained them myself! Your slow driving will confuse them.”
Second message to the putzer: “Dude, now you’re getting on my nerves (technically my last one!). Move it or I’ll move you!”
Back to the Starbucks drive-through. Me: “Hey stupid (I love terms of endearment!) You cut me off to get in front of me. I only want one coffee.” Three minutes later (who are we kidding, I’d never wait a full three minutes!) “I can’t believe you catered coffee and buns for your entire office! You could have let me get my single coffee. Hope you choke on your sous vide egg bite! (Not that I would really wish that on anyone…maybe.)
To the person wearing shorts in 20 degree weather: “Are you crazy? Never mind I don’t have to ask! By the way that tee-shirt doesn’t match your shorts and your boxers are sticking out.”
These are all true stories. The person who cut me off in the drive-through line ordered 6 drinks and did not pay for mine. Karma will get her.
The clip below is one of my favorites from the Modern Family sitcom (because I can see me doing this). It takes a fun turn at 29 seconds.
Is there something you’d like to say to someone who annoys you?