There were five menopausal women at the gym this morning (sounds like the start of a bad joke!). Perhaps I don’t need to write this post as anyone in this category knows the outcome. (No one died during this post but that was always a possibility.)
Some background for the non-menopausal readers – Women in this category are never comfortable. They are either hot or cold and can go from one to the other in a nanosecond. Most of the time it’s not to the temperatures. It’s just faulty wiring which cannot be fixed with a new circuit breaker. Perhaps a hot electrician could try though….
Back to the gym – There is one woman I call Hootchie Mama. I call her that for a reason. She wears gym clothes that do not leave anything to the imagination. She is 66 years old and ample so it’s just not pretty with dangly bits sticking out all over. I have blogged about her here.
She is one hot mama. She wears teeny shorts in the deepest winter freeze and comes in without a coat. Got the picture now?
Our gym is a basic, no frills ladies’ circuit gym. Nothing fancy. No spa stuff. Not even a shower. You come in, do the circuit twice and get the hell out of there. Well, I do anyway. It’s what justifies my trip to Starbucks.
The goal is to keep your heart rate up but some just chat on the machines. Someone took two long text messages (yes even I am surprised at how techno-savvy these women are) during her exercise this morning.
They keep the temperature at a steady 64 degrees which is good for exercising. I am always cold when I get there and comfy when I leave. That’s ok.
There are many members older than me and it seems that the older you get the more sensitive you are to the temperatures. Women are always complaining. Too hot, too cold but it’s always the same 64 degrees.
The beloved husband cannot understand how I can be cold in the bedroom when it’s 72 degrees in the winter (I sleep with two blankets) and hot in the summer (same 72 degrees) with a sheet and flipping cover.
A flipping cover is a personal sized fleece blankie (it can’t touch the husband or he will sweat to death) that flips on and off (by me) during the night. Sometimes as often as every 5 minutes.
There is no logic when it comes to menopausal women. I try to explain but my poor husband just doesn’t get it. You see it’s not only the air temperature but the knowledge of the outside temperature and humidity that affects women. We are psychic in that way. If it’s cold out, we’re cold….sometimes….unless we’re hot. If it’s hot out, we’re hot…sometimes…unless we’re cold. Makes perfect sense!
Back to the gym – Today Hootchie came in early. The earlier crowd is not as tolerant as the later crowd. She turned up the music and flipped on the extra floor fans (which should not even be there).
It took a nanosecond for the “looks” to start flickering around the circuit. I haven’t seen that many eye rolls in my eye doctor’s office! She started howling with the music (keep in mind it is prior to first coffee for many of us) and we all checked the time to see when our circuit was done.
As people came near the floor fans, they turned them off. She came around and turned them on. On and on it went.
I decided it was in my best interest to get out of there before the heat of the fan wars broke out although it may have made an even better post! Old women wrestling on the floor! Dang! I have to carry my camera!
Views and Mews by Coffee Kat 
Just read this, as I wasn’t on WordPress in 2013 yet! Oh the posts I have missed!
LOL about the Hootchie Mama and the eye rolls! So did you ever get a picture of a fight breaking out on the floor over the fans? 🙂
I am in that stage now of feeling hot and then cold! I do need a fan at night, no matter the temp! I need the air to be moving around me. And yes my husband doesn’t understand it all either! Then again, its not the first time that I have made him confused! 🙂
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This was the gym that closed this summer. I worked hard to be out of there before she came in (and so did all the early exercisers). I wondered if she went to another gym but it’s not mine. It wouldn’t matter here as no one can change the temperature and there are no floor fans. The odd things is that she would lie in the sun around a pool all summer. Tell me that isn’t hot! Yet she couldn’t stand a 64 degree temp at 8:30 a.m.? Very weird person. Also had the mouth of a trucker.
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Yes that does sound strange! And Ugh on the mouth of a trucker! Don’t blame you all for working hard to be out of there before she came !
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The first time she told someone to shut their pie hole, I was shocked. There was no one under 60 there and no bad language at all. I realize that’s not foul but it sure is disrespectful.
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Yes, it is!
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If Hootchie Mama and the others only knew that you were writing about them, then the proverbial four-letter word would hit the fan.
My husband likes the air conditioning on the minute it feels slightly warm. I’ve complained so much that he’s been setting the temp at 77 and 78 degrees, but I’m still cold! I think he does it so I will get up and do something just to make myself warmer. Evil.
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Ah yes! The gym is one place I keep my mouth shut (or as Hootchie would say “pie hole”). Of course, I could have a friend who had this experience (no chuckling! I do have at least one friend!) Now about your husband — that is pure evil. Why would someone move around just to get warm????
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In my reader, all I could see was a fan… no words. And I knew it was a post from you 🙂
I roared with laughter at this line: “You come in, do the circuit twice and get the hell out of there.”
Not a chance in hell a menopausal woman did NOT write that!
have a great day,
xxoo your sweaty sister in MI
MJ
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😉
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I think it’s mandatory for gyms to enroll at least one Hoochie Momma to stir the rest of us up. It’s a conspiracy! You were right to get out…lord knows that would’ve been ugly.
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This was one of the funniest posts ever! I laughed out loud! I used to go to a health club where an old woman, at least 80, would take all her clothes off and walk around the pool. I can still picture her and that was 30 years ago! – Maureen
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Oh no! I don’t think I would want to see that!
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Brawl at the gym. Film at 11. You do have the makings of a good sit com, Kate. The photo op might be risky – danger of a lawsuit or you’re being an unwilling participant in the next Fight Club. Had me rolling.
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Marvelous! It was my best laugh for the day.
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Thanks.
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I see Reality Show coming! Just think of the possible titles and promo ads
(I’d write some, but it’s too hot hold a thought)
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The old ladies of the circuit? Hmmmm…..
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I just sent in a comment and was refused access…. Any idea why?
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Now there seems to be no problem. Ah – WordPress! Anyway, I was saying I think I go to your gym and it would be a lot more interesting if Hootchie Mama came in! 🙂
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She makes it interesting but this morning’s group was making me nervous. I really don’t want to be there for an argument.
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I quit going to the gym because of the outfit. Cannot compete with them gals and the sound system breaks my eardrum. Yah, next bring your IPhone.
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Ditto on the fleece. I live in an AC free house and sleep under sheet even when it’s 90…and it has been of late. I try to remember the joy of that in the winter…but it doesn’t make me feel any warmer! Darn.
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This reinforces my “personal best” theory. We can’t all look like the latest starlet, but we can all take care to look our personal best. Tight and revealing is not a personal best for most people over 40. And lucky if you make it that long!
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Oh, it’s not tight, well maybe the tank top is but the shorts are so floppy you can see it all.
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You are to be commended for:
(1) Exercising
(2) Before your Starbucks run
(3) Without invading the privacy of others by posting photos of their ill-suited attire on your blog.
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I was trying to think of a way to photograph her but I don’t have phone that does that. My clunky camera would be too obvious.
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Howled at this one:) Thanks for the laugh! There is a woman at my gym, significantly younger, who does the elliptical with her very long hair–um–flowing, for lack of a better word. Does not pin it up, but rather, puts a fan directly in front of her to give the rather dramatic effect of her hair blowing in the wind as she exercises. I find it so comical that I have to look away. I’m not sure if she thinks it’s sexy or just likes the feel of it–but gym personalities never cease to amaze me:)
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At least you can’t see her private parts! Thanks for stopping by!
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How can you stand fleece anything in the summer?
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Two words, faulty plumbing! I don’t get true heat flashes anymore but I am either hot or cold.
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Oh. I never had hot flashes, thank God! Neither did my mother.
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Lucky, lucky, lucky! My mother didn’t have them but after the breast cancer they put me on arimidex and that will do it!
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Ahhh. Yes, it had the same effect on my aunt.
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Has anyone told Hootchie mama that her efforts are being wasted in an all-ladies gym?
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I don’t think she cares.
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Pity…I was hoping that at least it would prompt her to consider a change of attire. Spandex is a privilege, not a birthright after all. 😉
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Spandex would be an improvement (in some ways). It’s the floppy short shorts that show all that are scary. She needs better underwear.
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