I did it! I joined a gym. This is a big deal because no one hates exercising more than I do. Not only did I join a gym but I chose a “lady” gym. You know…the one with the strength training circuit for women only. No body builders or gorgeous young people please!
There are many good reasons for me to join that gym. One is that you exercise on a piece of equipment for 30 seconds and then move to the next one. No one can hog the equipment and it fits my very short attention span. Two rounds of the equipment and I am out of there as if the place were on fire!
I bring down the average age to 75. Think about it. I am one of the younger ones so I am one of the “kids.” It’s been a long time since I was the youngest anywhere. The ladies think I am gorgeous because they really can’t see all that well. Suits me fine.
I don’t have to worry about matching outfits. Or even well-fitting outfits. I can wear housecleaning clothes (yeah, like I do that!) and get away with it. Even better, I am setting a trend! Wow!
Most of the ladies go to the gym for the “experience” rather than the exercise. There are some challenging pieces of equipment. You can do anything for 30 seconds, right? Wrong, the ladies do other things rather than the equipment…like tiny leg lifts. Really tiny! Or maybe some little arm flutters. Hey, who really wants to do those crunches anyway?
There is a lady that I will call Hootchie Mama because…well…she looks like a Hootchie Mama. She is….umm…..ample, but she wears the shortest shorts with tank tops. It’s downright embarrassing. I have seen things that should require me to marry her!
She is absolutely fascinating. I admire women who march to their own drummer even if it’s downright disgusting. If you read my post about Crazy Lady, the neighborhood walker, you will remember my affection for these women. After all, this woman comes to exercise faithfully and she does some semblance of exercise, sort of.
She also sings. That’s not a bad thing but sometimes she doesn’t know the words or she only knows three words in the middle of a phrase. She will belt them out at the top of her ample lungs as if Diana Ross and the Supremes were backing her up. Then she clicks her fingers to the music. Sometimes she will actually stop exercising and just click her fingers and bob her head. I figure that she must have a hobby that requires strong finger and neck muscles. Clearly she is not worried about keeping her heart rate up.
She also has a blunt, abrupt humor. Earlier this week someone chided her about her singing (in a fun, humorous way) and she told them to “shut their pie-hole.” Holy cow. Just like that, in public. I thought that only happened in reality TV shows.
I have gone faithfully several times a week for two weeks.The ladies have updated me on politics (egad!), world events (similar to Bullwinkle’s fractured fairytales…remember those?) and given me some good hardy chuckles. Oh yes, they think I am young and gorgeous. I may actually enjoy this.