Hootchie Mama and the ladies of the exercise circuit

Curves of Ballard, Flickr

I did it! I joined a gym. This is a big deal because no one hates exercising more than I do. Not only did I join a gym but I chose a “lady” gym. You know…the one with the strength training circuit for women only. No body builders or gorgeous young people please!

There are many good reasons for me to join that gym. One is that you exercise on a piece of equipment for 30 seconds and then move to the next one. No one can hog the equipment and it fits my very short attention span. Two rounds of the equipment and I am out of there as if the place were on fire!

This is how they see me (yeah, really!) (Courtesy of Home and Heart, Flickr)

I bring down the average age to 75. Think about it. I am one of the younger ones so I am one of the “kids.” It’s been a long time since I was the youngest anywhere. The ladies think I am gorgeous because they really can’t see all that well. Suits me fine.

I don’t have to worry about matching outfits. Or even well-fitting outfits. I can wear housecleaning clothes (yeah, like I do that!) and get away with it. Even better, I am setting a trend! Wow!

Most of the ladies go to the gym for the “experience” rather than the exercise. There are some challenging pieces of equipment. You can do anything for 30 seconds, right? Wrong, the ladies do other things rather than the equipment…like tiny leg lifts. Really tiny! Or maybe some little arm flutters. Hey, who really wants to do those crunches anyway?

There is a lady that I will call Hootchie Mama because…well…she looks like a Hootchie Mama. She is….umm…..ample, but she wears the shortest shorts with tank tops. It’s downright embarrassing. I have seen things that should require me to marry her!

She is absolutely fascinating. I admire women who march to their own drummer even if it’s downright disgusting. If you read my post about Crazy Lady, the neighborhood walker, you will remember my affection for these women. After all, this woman comes to exercise faithfully and she does some semblance of exercise, sort of.

She also sings. That’s not a bad thing but sometimes she doesn’t know the words or she only knows three words in the middle of a phrase. She will belt them out at the top of her ample lungs as if Diana Ross and the Supremes were backing her up. Then she clicks her fingers to the music. Sometimes she will actually stop exercising and just click her fingers and bob her head. I figure that she must have a hobby that requires strong finger and neck muscles. Clearly she is not worried about keeping her heart rate up.

She also has a blunt, abrupt humor. Earlier this week someone chided her about her singing (in a fun, humorous way) and she told them to “shut their pie-hole.” Holy cow. Just like that, in public. I thought that only happened in reality TV shows.

I have gone faithfully several times a week for two weeks.The ladies have updated me on politics (egad!), world events (similar to Bullwinkle’s fractured fairytales…remember those?) and given me some good hardy chuckles. Oh yes, they think I am young and gorgeous. I may actually enjoy this.

29 thoughts on “Hootchie Mama and the ladies of the exercise circuit

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  4. I’m laughing my butt off! Thanks for the giggles this morning. Yeah, you need to “put a ring on it” if you see anymore of that gal. Ha!

    I joined a circuit gym on several occasions and never had that much fun. I need to find one with ‘characters’ to keep me going. It sounds like you’re having a great time, and how wonderful to be the young one! Keep on going and keep on sharing your stories. I love hearing them!


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  6. Helen, I have to say, LMAO! Too funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Loved the blog and your and other responses! Thanks for the laughter!

    I went to Curves and got more exercise with my jaw than body some days!

    Love and keep the humour coming!


  7. Yup, sign me up for that gym too with Nancy and Lori and all us fun old gals. NOT! lol
    it’s now on my FB wall so you are gonna get VERY popular or should I say MORE popular!


  8. Hilarious, Kate. This line really got me: “I have seen things that should require me to marry her!” Oh, and the bit about the Supremes and the your “pie hole” too. Seems like you’ll be getting fit through fits of laughter. Gosh, I needed a good laugh today. Thanks. ~Dawn


  9. I love it! I’m all about joining any place where I can be the “hottest chick” there. It reminds me of Sophia on the Golden Girls when she said that she and her other 70-something year old friends took turns sending in their photos to Willard Scott and claiming to be 100. I LOVE the idea. Glad you are enjoying the gym (and finding new blogging material too!)


  10. I’m taking a quick break at work and would have preferred not laughing out loud! Too late! I love every description, but you’ve provided me a good reference for future engagements with some “oldsters” in my life who often feel compelled to discuss their rather challenging view of world events! Fractured Flickers…I do recall, and your observation is perfect! Back to work…thank you for the midday belly laugh! And good for you for getting out there:-) Debra


  11. PS.
    Kate would you mind terribly if I shared this post with my Facebook friends? It is so terrific. If you’d rather not, I shan’t. Would not want to make you uncomfortable.


  12. Kate, you make me holler! Hilarious and the best laugh I have had for ages. In fact, I WANT to go to that gym with you! Please please do say you will come visit me in Bermuda one day????!!!!!!! I know I sound desperate but ya know, that’s just how it is these days. LOL
    This post deserves a brand new award, shall we call it, “You R 2 Funny” award. Love love LOVE it!


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