Unsolved mystery | For Animal Lovers Only

It was 4 a.m. when I heard that dreadful noise. Arghhhh! Maybe I’m still sleeping? No, I don’t think so. The beloved husband is snoring loudly but that is not unusual. A cat check shows that Mollie is sleeping where my feet should be. Hazel is on the lounge softly snoring. I am missing a cat. There it goes again.

Ugh! And again. Somewhere in the house, Jake is hacking up a hairball. Perhaps it won’t come up until dawn. No, I can hear the wet guttural sound of a fruitful barf. Where is he? Where did he deposit this dreadful gift?

I am not getting up. It will have to wait until morning. Hopefully it’s not between me and the bathroom or worse still, between the beloved husband and the bathroom. He does not like the feel of fresh, wet hairballs between his overly long toes. He doesn’t like the feel of dry hairballs for that matter.

Several hours later, after the beloved husband got up and went downstairs for coffee without yelling (good sign), I got up. I looked around but didn’t see anything in the usual places. There is nothing in the bedrooms. Beloved husband thinks it might be in the dining room. I am always astounded at what he hears while he is snoring louder than a Led Zeppelin concert. (I guess that comment dated me.)

The dining room is a bad place to barf. If we miss it, a guest will find it and be totally grossed out. If you’ve never seen a hairball, it’s hair all twisted up with food and spit in the shape of a cat’s intestines which looks a lot like a cigar…or more disgustingly….poop.

You can always tell the difference though. Poop smells, hairballs don’t. Hairballs are drier too. (You can thank me later for this primer on hairballs and poop!)

The other reason that the dining room is not a good barfing room is because we have an oriental rug. It’s woven with a lot of colors in an intricate design so you can’t see food stains. Actually, it’s so you can’t see the wine and margarita spots but that’s another story. Sometimes, I have trouble finding my shoes on it!

And so it is today, somewhere in this house is a hairball from early this morning slowly cementing itself onto wherever it’s been deposited. I can assure you I will find it at a most inopportune time — like when there are guests in the house.

Photo credits — first fat cat by Photosearch clipart, laughing fat cat by Matthew Cook. I apologize but I just could not post a gross picture of a real hairball!

18 thoughts on “Unsolved mystery | For Animal Lovers Only

  1. Hairball Hunt…. too funny, and very descriptive. Thank you. I have two Ragdoll cats (long long hair) so am often “amused” by the hairball gifts I find all over the house. The 3 a.m. “Cat Town Races” are a regular occurrence in our house, and they often come to a screeching halt with one or the other stopping in mid race to hack up a hairball. Must be the excitement. And then, yes, where is it? I try to track the sounds of ‘cack cack’ but he keeps moving. Never a dull moment. Thanks for sharing your ‘fun?’ 😀


    • There is no question here. Cats know expensive. At my last house, I redid the family room right away and put older furniture in the living room for a few years. The cats never went in there despite the fact that it was sunny. After I pulled off the wallpaper, painted and installed drapes, bookshelves, etc., they were always in there. Go figure!


  2. Augh! The rug. The RUG! We have dogs. One of them likes to see which objects are food, and which objects are not… food. Let’s say that when she gets sick, she has impeccable taste! (This story cracked me up! Thank you so much!)


    • The hairball has been found! It was deposited on the rug (of course) outside the small area where the litter boxes are. That’s really a good spot except that the I would have preferred if it wasn’t on the carpet but the carpet is a washable throw rug.


  3. Well, I am actually a bit grossed out only because I’ve just finished my breakfast, lol.
    I know all too well that sound and have stepped on these lumps in the night too! I usually get up and follow the cat so she steers clear of puking on my bed. I would never be able to sleep through that awful hacking sound. And, although I have never been to a Led Zeppelin concert I know all the words to their songs and once saw Robert Plant in concert and people threw lemons on stage…you will know what that signified I’m sure 🙂
    Have a great day!


  4. For my cats, spring is a time of frisky romps, catterwauling, shedding, and hairballs. This morning was the first time in a week that I didn’t have to get up and clean up cat barf. Oh the joys of owning a cat!


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