It was 4 a.m. when I heard that dreadful noise. Arghhhh! Maybe I’m still sleeping? No, I don’t think so. The beloved husband is snoring loudly but that is not unusual. A cat check shows that Mollie is sleeping where my feet should be. Hazel is on the lounge softly snoring. I am missing a cat. There it goes again.
Ugh! And again. Somewhere in the house, Jake is hacking up a hairball. Perhaps it won’t come up until dawn. No, I can hear the wet guttural sound of a fruitful barf. Where is he? Where did he deposit this dreadful gift?
I am not getting up. It will have to wait until morning. Hopefully it’s not between me and the bathroom or worse still, between the beloved husband and the bathroom. He does not like the feel of fresh, wet hairballs between his overly long toes. He doesn’t like the feel of dry hairballs for that matter.
Several hours later, after the beloved husband got up and went downstairs for coffee without yelling (good sign), I got up. I looked around but didn’t see anything in the usual places. There is nothing in the bedrooms. Beloved husband thinks it might be in the dining room. I am always astounded at what he hears while he is snoring louder than a Led Zeppelin concert. (I guess that comment dated me.)
The dining room is a bad place to barf. If we miss it, a guest will find it and be totally grossed out. If you’ve never seen a hairball, it’s hair all twisted up with food and spit in the shape of a cat’s intestines which looks a lot like a cigar…or more disgustingly….poop.
You can always tell the difference though. Poop smells, hairballs don’t. Hairballs are drier too. (You can thank me later for this primer on hairballs and poop!)
The other reason that the dining room is not a good barfing room is because we have an oriental rug. It’s woven with a lot of colors in an intricate design so you can’t see food stains. Actually, it’s so you can’t see the wine and margarita spots but that’s another story. Sometimes, I have trouble finding my shoes on it!
And so it is today, somewhere in this house is a hairball from early this morning slowly cementing itself onto wherever it’s been deposited. I can assure you I will find it at a most inopportune time — like when there are guests in the house.
Photo credits — first fat cat by Photosearch clipart, laughing fat cat by Matthew Cook. I apologize but I just could not post a gross picture of a real hairball!