Mollie: Kate has a bad case of spring fever and is out talking to the fish in her pond so we three cats decided to post for her. I am Mollie, the 7 pound alpha cat. The black cat who looks sleepy is Jake, our resident diabetic and the grey cat is Hazel. Both of them are bigger than me (17 pounds) but they listen to me anyway.
Hazel: Are you sure that is Jake? Did you smell his butt?
Mollie: No, I didn’t smell his butt but I am pretty sure. Why don’t you have a sniff to verify?
Hazel: Hmmmm. Smells like….ummm…..actually, it smells like catnip! Jake, did you roll in the catnip again? You have flecks all over your fur!
Jake: What? What? Someone call me? What are doing at my butt?
Mollie: This is just like the airport. We have to verify that you are who you say you are so we need to smell your butt.
Hazel: Hmmmm….yes, it’s Jake. I got past the yummy catnip and it sure is Jake all right.
Mollie: With that out of way, I’ll tell you a little about us. Jake is the only cat that is allowed outside. It’s because he’s old and he always was an indoor/outdoor cat. He just refuses to stay inside. Myself, I love it here and have no interest in going outdoors but Hazel would like to once in a while but she’s not allowed.
Hazel: One time I took a flyer out the second floor window but that wasn’t fun at all. I had a boo boo for a week. They called me Hazel Wallenda for a long time after that. I like to smell the grass. It’s ok because Kate brings grass home all the time.
Mollie: Well, actually, she’s been a little stingy with the grass lately. There are only three pots right now. I like it during the summer when she has a big pot going. Yum!
Jake: The best part is we grown our own ‘nip! There are a couple big patches in the yard and I love to roll in them. Sometimes I take a nap right in the bush. I think Kate is a drug dealer because she carts the stuff all over town for less fortunate cat friends. One time she mailed it in the Christmas cards to friends with cats and one of them ripped it open and there was catnip all over the house!
Hazel: Wow that must have been wonderful!
Mollie: We live in a very doggy neighborhood. There are two barking water buffalo that live on one side.
Hazel: They are not buffalo, they are Portuguese water dogs.
Mollie: Yeah, whatever. Jake likes to sun himself so they can see him but can’t get to him. They must like that because they really bark a lot then.
Mollie: On the other side is a little dog. She is really a cutie. Too bad she’s a dog. Across the street is a golden retriever. He’s not really interested in barking or cats. There is a pug and a shitzoo on the block too.
Hazel: It’s not a shitzoo, it’s a shih tzu.
Mollie: That’s what I said!
Hazel: Actually we get visitors here a lot. There are birds, squirrels, chipmunks and some very strange-looking big cats. Here is a picture of one that visited us last fall. He ate some shrubs and then he was off. Goofiest looking cat I ever saw.
Jake: Chipmunks? Did someone say chipmunks? They really good taste.
Hazel: Don’t let Kate know. She hates it when you eat her friends.
Jake: Jeez! Does she name the chipmunks too? We are not allowed to eat anything that has a name. That makes it really tough.
Mollie: That’s all for now. Kate will be back soon with some blog about hair, liver spots or something else that’s on her mind.
Hazel: The hair thing is out of control. She should just have fur, like us. So much easier.
Jake: Mollie, Hazel and Jake signing off! Where is that catnip?