Throwback Tuesday: Shades of Perky

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This was a trip to see the beloved husband’s brother. It would be the last time we see him. It sparked all sorts of emotions!

Source: humblicious.blogspot

When I was young I was very perky. You know that kind of annoying perkiness that comes with youth. It was natural. No need for drugs or booze. If it were bottled, I’d buy a case or two because I used up my lifetime supply long ago.

Perky is what gets you through a lot of things, turning mishaps into peals of laughter. (Yeah, even I can hardly remember that.) Fortunately I have a blog where I can turn mishaps into posts. I can’t guarantee peals of laughter but I sure feel better afterward.

Yesterday I could have used some perky. We visited a relative in an assisted living home. He has dementia but can still remember who people are – at least we think he can. He’s happy and smiley but I wasn’t sure if the synapses were snapping. Today he may not remember we were there.

The drive was over eight hours (that included an interstate closure for a major accident with a fatality). That’s long for my butt in many ways. It also drains my perky. I have IBS (go ahead and google it – it means that I use the bathroom frequently and when I have to go, get out of my way). It was a challenging ride.

While the beloved husband is plotting the route, I am plotting the bathroom stops. Most interstates have nice ones these days. Our local interstate even has a Starbucks in the rest stop but I don’t drink on the road. Just makes more stops. Let’s see — dehydration or bathroom spots, what to do.

We spent some time with our relative and his wife. These situations are tough on a spouse or partner. After years of care-taking, she lives by herself. You are not a widow but not quite a full-fledged spouse. These situations always make me pause and reflect on what may happen to us.

Everything is fluid. The best you can do is plan your financial resources and make agreements between you on how to handle the situation before it happens. Then you go on with life because everything may change. Dwelling on it is a perky-drain.

Our relative was very lucky. He was not adept at handling money but has a wife who could make things happen. He resides in a place that is high on the niceness scale. There are activities and many rooms he can visit including an atrium that is all glass and overlooks the beautiful outdoors. I could see myself reading there with a cup of coffee.

There were many older residents who did not appear to be mentally impaired. Some used canes or walkers but they were with friends chatting away (with some level of perkiness – I can always hope).

Instead of chatting over a margarita, they were chatting over a tea or coffee or knitting. Things change. Perkiness can resurrect with the right group of friends.

I can only hope.

29 thoughts on “Throwback Tuesday: Shades of Perky”

  2. Thank you for sharing this.

    You will never regret making that trip!

    I think it was Bette Davis who said “Getting old – it ain’t for sissies!”

    She was right. And one of the worst parts of growing older is losing your friends and family, a little at a time, until almost none are left.

    Still, we have the gift of the memories, and they continue to warm our hearts on even the coldest of nights. In that we are blessed.

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  3. It is scary to think of “down the road” and what you can and cannot do. For me, with zero relatives to rely on to help me when I become old and infirm, I try to eat as healthy as possible. I know I don’t get enough sleep and this year I am way behind in walking, but it was not me slacking off, but other things, house-related, demanding my attention. I do online puzzles and games to keep my brain sharp. Having watched a long-time neighbor suffer with dementia that began months after her husband passed away, then be put into assisted living by her kids was scary. She didn’t even recognize me and kept calling me over to her front door whenever she saw me outside. We can only hope our body, physically and mentally, lasts us to the very end.

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    • Being healthy, then dropping dead instantly is an ending I would book if I could. It’s the lingering time before that I worry about. Even with relatives, it’s a lot to expect others to take care of you. We are working to put in place some automatic transitions that won’t cause a lot of consternation for others. I am still working actively on cleaning out all the tchotchkes I have. Even cookware and serving dishes have been donated. It takes a lot of work and I take breaks but I have to plow on.

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      • My grandmother had heart disease for a long time and she had eight siblings – one died at 18 from a leaking heart valve and another sibling, Bill, was dancing with his wife at their 60th wedding anniversary party and dropped dead on the dance floor. Can you imagine the shocked relatives and friends as they stood around and watched this? My grandmother declared then she did not want to linger. She had a heart attack while sleeping and died in the ambulance enroute to the hospital – she was 80. I did all the legal things two years ago as I have no family, but I really need to declutter too. I had all Summer when I stayed inside a lot due to the heat/humidity/wildfire smoke, but was not motivated enough to do so. Maybe this Winter (the words I utter every January 1st).

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  8. My Dad moved into a independent living apartment a few months ago and it’s saddened me that his quality of life is slowly deteriorating. Course, he’s 96 years old and the biggest problem is he has macular degeneration and is losing his vision. He will need to move into assisted living in the near future and we’re trying to navigate that process. He really hates losing his independence and that’s the hardest pill to swallow. I hope your relative experiences happy days for a while and his wife finds some peace. Caretakers too often are overlooked and need compassion and patience as much as the actual patient.

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    • He passed away two years ago. Can you bring in help to keep him in independent living or would that be futile? Aging isn’t for sissies. My bro (also 96) is in good health but the house care is overwhelming. There is no move in his future. He is very stubborn about staying where he is. Unfortunately his son lives many states away. I would love for him to at least get one of those “I’ve fallen and need help” buttons to share with his wife.

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  9. I feel and hear your hope. I have hope but I also have the knowledge that my better (?) half doesn’t want to talk about it. He just turned 82 and I’m facing the big 80 and we have a very out of date will, no emergency contact (the ones we had originally have passed on), and no family to help. It’s a conundrum (I’ve always wanted to use that word!). We are at least planning to talk to our attorney that did the wills about “all of the above” – they have answers I’m sure……. I’m also sure that just going to visit your family member meant a lot to him and while he may not remember the visit for long YOU will. Time marches on and as it gets shorter it moves faster. I expected that but not quite yet!

    Hugs, Pam

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