In my head

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One of our neighbors died in January. When we moved into our home two years ago, someone told us she was disabled. That’s not unusual in a ‘hood with older people.  I never saw her until last summer.

Her husband was outside. We exchanged pleasantries and his wife came out to meet me. There was an immediate connection. They gave me a tour of their home (lovely and no sign of disabilities!) and I gave them a tour of my newly redone kitchen and deck.

I enjoyed their company and I wanted to invite them over for a cookout. We didn’t have the deck set up and were missing deck furniture, so I put it on my list. Stuff happens and then she died.

A lot of my entertaining these days goes on in my head. There are parties and get togethers and all sorts of soirees taking place there. Truth is that entertaining is work.

Clean house, check. Plan food and seating, check. Pick people that get along (I learned this one the hard way!), check. Be nice (not always easy after all the work!) check. Wear flowy frock suitable for veranda parties in the 1800s, check.

Perhaps as we get older (speaking for myself), we enjoy the concept but not the work of entertaining. It seems overwhelming.

I never did find out what her disability was. She died at age 66 (very young!). Another opportunity missed. We would have been great friends. I just know it.

56 thoughts on “In my head”

  1. That’s really too bad about your neighbor and wow … 66 is my age. Hearing about people your own age is very sobering. A lot of things are better left on paper, but you’re a pro as you participate in the annual family reunion … lots of work there, even if it is not at your home.

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  2. It’s sad to hear of your neighbor’s death. She was young, actually, I believe–younger than me, so I think of it untimely, anyway. I have good intentions all the time that don’t quite materialize. I think too often when it comes to entertaining I allow myself to get caught up in more details and planning than necessary. I’m glad to read in the comments that her husband has family support. ❤️

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    • That’s usually the case. I like to do it with a nice table setting and fresh flowers and pretty stuff. I’m finding that frozen lasagna can work as well if you decorate it with fresh basil! 🙂

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  7. I feel exactly the same as you (and many others I know!)…..entertaining is great fun – if you’re the guest and not the planner/executer/cook/cleaner-upper, etc. We love our friends but the occasional “sit down and talk for a while” is enough vs. an organized party. And even that is RARE. We love peace and quiet more than ever now it seems. I’m sorry you didn’t get to know your neighbor who passed away so young. We never know how much more time we have.

    Hugs, Pam

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    • I love peace and quiet too. Today a rock concert was announced with two of my favs. The one performer I’ve seen a few times. My ears perked up but then I remembered it’s an hour and a half away at a large venue with scattered parking. I’ll listen to the CDs instead. My age 20 self is appalled!

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  8. I am so sorry to hear your neighbor passed! That is definitely too young. Lost opportunities are always sad.
    I am the same way with entertaining. We did it a lot when we were younger. Now it is too much bother. Much easier to meet at a restaurant or something!

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  10. I enjoyed entertaining pre-pandemic but have gotten out of the habit of it, and agree it is a lot of work. I still like to set a pretty table though and bake, but the cooking part not so much….I’m so tired of cooking. I was thinking lately that I would love if someone would invite me over for dinner…..a meal I don’t have to plan for, buy for or cook. Restaurant meals have gotten so expensive, I was thinking of years ago when people used to have casual dinner parties.

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    • None of our friends are doing the dinners either. Eating out has gotten expensive. We had breakfast at a local place and it was almost $30 with the tip. When did that happen? Neither of us got anything fancy or exotic. I didn’t even get eggs! the days of $1.99 breakfast are long gone!

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      • We ate at MacDonalds the other day – $29 for two fish fillet meals, sandwich/coffee/fries/apple pie. It wasn’t even good as both the coffee (decaf) and fries were cold and the pie was practically burnt. A fish sandwich alone is $7, the value meal is $11.49. We have 13% HST tax on everything here which makes it worse. And I can’t understand why they can’t get the fish/cheese/sauce in the centre of the bun! It’s always hanging off the side? I mentioned this to the manager one day and he said – it’s laziness?

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  14. More and more, I realize “it’s the thought that counts” and “the thought” is all I can count on.

    Actualizing plans takes much more effort than just visualizing the perfect get together! 😀

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  15. We are not ones to entertain, so kudos to you for even thinking about it! We will have over family or a close friend, and there will be no huge fuss. They must take the house as they find it, I’m afraid. We finally bought some beverages for family members that didn’t want the coffee or tea we drank, but that’s the biggest concession. I just can’t get around to entertaining. Ever. We had a party once about 8-10 years ago, and that will have to do!

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  17. Sad about your neighbor. Maybe her husband will be looking for some company and you can have a few neighbors over with him. In your head anyway. 😉 I’ve had many of those in-my-head as well. Always wanted a block party, and I created many . . . in my head.

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  18. I’m sorry for her family’s loss and your loss of a neighbor. 66 looks younger each year. 🙂 When I was working in Corporate America I did a fair amount of entertaining and always had a blowout holiday party that I worked like a dog over. As I’ve gotten older, all the same stuff goes on in my head as well. I’m glad I’m not alone. 🙂 The past couple of years we call up a couple or a single and say, hey, let’s meet at the park by the water and have a picnic. Much easier, we have a great view, and it keeps the conversation going.

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  19. 66! Yikes! I hear you on the entertaining. It’s all just too much work for me the last some years and getting worse. Much easier to go out to dinner with people but for the gardener’s celiac. So we sit home more than we probably should. But so much easier than socializing hahaha.

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  21. Sorry to hear about your neighbor. 66 is young. Wonderful that her husband has plenty of support to help him through this.
    I never did much entertaining and these days I don’t do any. I’d rather go out to lunch with a couple of friends . We take turns picking up the check so that’s my way of entertaining. All the fun and no work.

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  22. I am so sorry about your neighbor. It’s really a gift to feel that instant connection. I had that instant connection with a neighbor at the condos. I love her, she and her husband have a great sense of funny and Jerry and George, her husband, hit it off too. Kate, I am so in love with the idea of having people over and drinking wine and munching goodies off a charcuterie board with the fire pit table glowing and we do that but not enough. All that sounds so nice but I have that introvert thing going on. “Perhaps as we get older (speaking for myself), we enjoy the concept but not the work of entertaining. It seems overwhelming.”… you are speaking for me too.

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