There are many versions of the girl friend code but the one that hit home was Jennifer Garner’s version. The true girlfriend does not heap guilt on you. OMG! Yes, yes, yes!
Ideally a friendship can drop off for a period of time and when you meet up, it’s like you were always there. There is no reference to time or assigning fault.
I have a few drama queen friends. They are fun (mostly except when they’re not). Good for a few giggles until they put the responsibility for the friendship on you.
“I thought we were getting together more frequently?”
“Why haven’t I seen you?”
Lots of guilt. I learned to deflect guilt a long time ago. (My current expression is “It’s not my monkey!”)
If you want to spend time with me, email. (Gah, don’t call and leave a message to call you!) Don’t expect me to do all the work. Or even think about it.
If I have a lot of things going on in my life and don’t want to commit, respect it.
If all you do is talk about you, pay for a therapist. Sounds harsh but I’ve had too many of these “not fun” sessions. Sure I want to be there for someone but they need to work on their issues. I don’t want reruns of the same stuff.
Some friends are better talkers than listeners. One day I realize they don’t know me. They have an image that may be 20, 30 years outdated. They don’t support my current interests or know what they are.
Some friendships are transitional. They are a result of proximity and interest. Work buddies. Neighbors. Someone leaves and that’s it. Or you grow apart. Maybe you don’t have time to invest. (Sadly I’ve lost a few people I like to this.) They filled a need during the time you needed it. You were blessed to have had it. Be grateful and let it go. Don’t try to make it something it isn’t.
Some friendships hang around loosely for a long time. There is interest but not enough for daily, weekly, monthly connections. Social media helps us keep connected easily. Use it! Maybe you get together once or twice a year but it is upbeat and fun. No recriminations. No guilt. Lots to share on all sides. Bada bing, bada bang.
Jennifer Garner and I would make great friends. Low expectations and great fun! I know she loves animals and no drama. Hope she likes margaritas.