Recently I had two incidents that gave me the occasion but I didn’t respond. I just didn’t say anything.
Am I losing my touch or am I becoming discrete? (That’s hard to believe!)
In one case, I just didn’t care. My snarky response would have been “whatever.” (You know how annoying it is when the kids say that!) This would have been in response to someone who was being snarky first.
In the second case, I had a boatload to say including some button-pressing comments that would serve no purpose. Contrary to my nature, I opted to wait.
Sometimes you don’t have all the facts. Sometimes you are in a crappy mood. Sometimes you need to just shut your mouth. (Most times it’s all three!)
In a short time a few things changed. Tables were turned and I could see a different side. This is not a case of right or wrong. No hard facts, just soft feelings. (Did you know it takes longer to mend feelings than to mend bones?)
I had the opportunity to revisit my initial reaction. There was disappointment but I’ve had a lot of disappointment in my life. Was there a deep-seated fear that I’m unwilling to admit or confront? Perhaps, but that is resolved through self-introspection, not snarky comebacks.
Public knee jerk reactions do the most harm and serve the least purpose. No one thinks the best leader yells the loudest. The best leader is the one who helps you see the way without telling you that you are stupid or wrong.
Most of the time people don’t intentionally disappoint, it just happens. Expectations are never talked about. We all guess at it and sometimes we guess wrong.
None of this is new but I am always amazed when I learn the same lesson yet again. However, this time I remembered to be quiet. (No, this does not mean I’m growing up!)
I believe you should confront people when you think something is wrong but first visit your own motives and expectations to see if they are reasonable.
We all see things through our own filter. Sometimes it needs to be cleaned like that pair of dirty sunglasses lying in the bottom of the drawer.