When I was young (just a few years back) I hung around with a group of friends. It was a lot like the “Friends” TV show except we didn’t live in an apartment in NYC and we were all women. Maybe it was more like “Sex in the City” without all the sex. (Yes there were shoe fetishes.)
It was a fun time and they are some of my “good old days.” We traveled and partied. (Yes I was a party animal!)
Things change. Marriage. Relocations. Divorce. Stuff.
As I age finding good friends is harder.
When you are younger you are more tolerant of people’s wonkiness (technical term). As you age, you don’t have time for it. Don’t want to listen to someone else’s stupid (anything other than my view) politics or dietary restrictions. Operations are of interest if there are shared symptoms.
After you retire you don’t have the pool of people you meet through work or your trade. It gets more difficult to find shared interests.
Some people are your dining friends. What you have in common is that you like to eat similar things. We have steak friends, pizza friends and a very small group of adventurous friends (the beloved husband and I are barely in that group ourselves).
Some friends are there when you initiate but never reciprocate.
I have my exercise buddies but it’s limited to the time at the gym. We don’t have other stuff in common (not joining any knitting group – no offense to anyone who is in one but I have two left needles).
Finding traveling friends is difficult. People have health stuff. Some of it is minor some isn’t. You have to match up interests and health issues (or maybe there’s an app for that!).
Old friends die and spouses move or move on without you. Older friends become family centered – more so than they were 20 years ago when the kids were in college and there were no grandkids. More time for them, less time for you.
When my mother was older, she lamented that most of her friends were gone. She had one good friend who was slightly ditzy. They shared some interesting experiences until my mother needed to be on an oxygen machine. In those days oxygen machines were not portable but the size of an ottoman. That ended the bus and airplane trips. It did not stop short day trips. (She could be without it for a while.)
When I asked her when her “good old days” were, she always said when my Dad was alive and the kids were young. I know she had many good times after my Dad’s death but perhaps they didn’t measure up.
I always hope that the good old days are now because tomorrow may bring more health issues or deaths or whatever.
How do you find besties now (post children and post work)?