Marriage revisited

infinity-clipartbestHere is one of my favorite posts with a slight rewrite (I know, always the editor!)

You gotta love marriage. Done right, you have a best friend forever. Done wrong, it’s downright expensive and exhausting!

A spouse is someone you can share things with and who will support you in many ways.

Someone you can talk to about things honestly…like “your coat stinks” or “you always pick the longest checkout lines.”

These are tidbits of profound knowledge that you graciously give so someone else can become a better person. A smart spouse will never admit that anything makes your butt look big no matter how many times you ask. Or the hair…never go there.

Someone you can coach…like “why are you driving 33 in a 35 mph zone?” “Do you see that car backing out?” “Don’t hit the wild turkey!”

Someone you can buy things for…like clothes that actually fit or a notebook to jot down ideas for gifts to buy you.

The other great benefit is for your facial muscles.

Yes, marriage, a lot like parenthood, keeps your facial muscles exercised.

You learn to roll your eyes from right to left and then back again in one smooth motion. Eye rolls are great marriage extenders. If you are standing at the correct angle, the spouse doesn’t know you are quietly disagreeing. It’s so much better than saying, “that’s the dumbest thing I ever heard.” I can tell you from personal experience, that is a relationship ender.

Your eyebrows arch almost to your hairline when exposed to outrageous facts. You worry that the skin won’t snap back! Don’t worry. There are laser treatments for that. Be sure to ask for the marriage discount.

Then there is the glazing. It is natural to hear the same stories over and over. Sometimes you are around when they are told to others. Sometimes they are repeated to you because….well….no one…neither you nor your spouse can remember if they mentioned it.

By the fourth time you hear a story you are allowed to glaze over and take a mini-vacation. You learn how to keep your eyes open and sort of focused all the while you are creating your grocery list. Sometimes I can write an entire blog post or envision myself on a tropic isle with a margarita.

Then there is the flip side. That’s when something happens and you didn’t know. Of course you insist….INSIST… that it was never said while the partner INSISTS that you weren’t listening. Sound familiar? It happens in my house all the time. It probably was said while I was working on my grocery list or sipping that margarita.

“I told you I was going to run errands.”

“No you didn’t. I had no idea where you were.”

“You don’t listen when I talk to you.”

“That’s not true. What did you say?”

Then there is the really good stuff. That’s when someone goes with you to the veterinarian because…well….you aren’t sure if this is the last trip for this particular cat. (It never is. That damn cat has a thousand lives!)

Or they encourage you to try something new – like blogging and then they actually read it.

Somehow they learn to tolerate your idiosyncrasies (it’s very hard to believe I have any that are annoying but I believe other spouses do) and the crazy families.

Having spent most of my life partnerless, it’s been an interesting ride. One that I wish everyone could enjoy in some way. It doesn’t have to be formal marriage, just a truly great friendship will do.

34 thoughts on “Marriage revisited

  1. Absolutely wonderful, Kate. You nailed it! I love your comment about facial muscles and expression, including eyebrows. So true! And to me, a good partnership in marriage is strength in those shared burdens–just like the Vet visit example. You said it beautifully!

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  2. Excellent post, Kate. Marriage does have its challenges, but I miss the day-to-day sharing with a trusted, loving partner. Plus, my husband was a good cook.

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  3. I do a lot of glazing (while covertly sipping a margarita on that deserted tropical beach in my head). In addition to the oft-told stories are the ones my husband tells that I KNOW aren’t correct. He’s not intentionally trying to deceive, he’s just told them so many times, he is SURE they are true. I’ve even heard stories about things that supposedly happened to me that I know didn’t. I have tried to tell him that he is mis-remembering but I haven’t gotten very far.

    But, I wouldn’t change a thing (except maybe his snoring).

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    • I have given up correcting my husband when the story takes a detour. I will on occasion (and only when necessary for integrity sake) take over the story telling if I am involved! Snoring? OMG! That’s a whole post in itself.

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  4. I’ve been married forever. I like it, but find that I’m doing fewer eye rolls as the years go on. Instead, I’ve advanced to a phase where I’ve perfected an inscrutable look of kind indulgence. No one but my spouse can read what I’m really saying with this look. 😉

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  5. Yes x everything you said . . . except it’s BFF who isn’t listening!

    And speaking of margaritas ~ there is one on my horizon for LUNCH with my sister and her family today. Yay!

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  6. This is so true, Kate. About those facial muscles…I was thinking of the workout from laughing with (never at) a partner. Situations with a partner can get stressful and hilarious at times, best to learn to laugh at both situations. And going with you to the vet? Priceless!

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    • I’ve had to put down two elderly cats since I’ve been with him. The first cat was dearly beloved and I wasn’t good. He took care of the details so I could just bawl my eyes out (and that went on for 6 weeks!). The second cat was dear but it was time. Still, I appreciated the support. While dating my mantra was “must love cats.”

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  7. Personal chef! Don’t forget the fact that if you choose wisely, you might get a partner who cooks. Even better, they might cook well and cook to order. And if you hate a common ingredient — like the hideous onion — this benefit cannot be overstated.

    Even if it does take an hour to do the dishes and clean up the kitchen after them.

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  8. Any long term relationship is going to have its problems simply because life = education = change. A young couple starting out together are very forgiving of differences however, as they both grow in their own directions, there comes the point where they are clearly on different roads. Older people (that includes me!) have a pretty clear idea of expectations and are less likely to compromise. This probably makes finding the “match” more difficult but, if found, the relationship is probably of a more stable nature. Living on your own? Yes, that is a wonderful experience in learning about yourself. My background? I have experienced all of the above and if I had to choose between a partnership, or solo? I don’t know as I believe that life is what you make of it, and I have had wonderful experiences within a marriage, within a common law relationship, and with living on my own. Life is good but then, why have it any other way? 🙂

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