The shopping kerfuffle

mens suits-cliparts

Source: trend-kid.com

The beloved husband decided to buy new pants. He lost weight a year or two back and never replaced this dress pants (which he rarely wears since retirement).

Unfortunately this is after he wore clown pants to his class reunion.

Women plan what they will wear ahead of time for formal events going so far as to try things on to make sure they didn’t shrink while hanging in the closet. (Yes that does happen. It’s a known phenomenon!)

Most men think about what they will wear two to five minutes before putting it on. They hope they won’t need buttons replaced, a shoe shine or anything else. That philosophy never works for me.

The beloved husband is inflicted with white man’s butt. That means there isn’t any. Pleated fronts look like jodhpurs – big and fluffy mounds of fabric hanging on his hips. Only he’s not going to ride a horse.

Off to the store! He got a coupon in the mail and there was a sale going on. (Don’t you love it when they really USE a coupon?)

I didn’t supervise pre-shopping activities. I should have.

When trying on dress pants it’s best to wear shoes which are similar to what you will wear with the pants and slip-ons work best for speed. He wore clunky lace up sneakers. The kind where the pants puddle on the top.

Over the years I have learned to dress for quick shopping – elastic waist or easy on-off, slip-on shoes and tops that come off fast. (This can also be useful for dating.) I can try on 20 outfits in 20 minutes.

That is not how it worked. We had to determine (new?) size and style. He tried on at least 10 pair of pants. I waited outside the dressing room (somewhat patiently after I rearranged the area to allow for a chair) to give approval or point out the obvious.

There was another guy in the dressing room. I provided narrative on his selections too. Free of charge! I am always amazed when men come out of a dressing room looking for affirmation from the nearest woman. He was fortunate I was there as the shirt he tried on made him look like a fireplug.

We bought several pair of pants so that he can try them with the appropriate shoes and blazer (when it comes home from the cleaners). We went with flat front and found a brand that has a stretchy (but sleek) waistband. That allowed him to go down a size to fit his non-existent hips and butt.

All is well in the kingdom. We are prepared for the next class reunion five years hence or any dressy occasion (which will more likely be a funeral).

Of course I would need a new outfit but I know how to shop!

Author’s note: Thanks to the beloved husband for being a good sport!

46 thoughts on “The shopping kerfuffle

  1. Yes indeed my hubs will prepare the minute we have to go out……he loves buying a bargain at an op shop, sometimes he finds designer brands but this does not guarantee for style……As we age I have let him get away with more bad fashion statements, Im letting him be himself.

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  2. my favorite part was the “this can also be useful for dating” … you always manage to make me laugh one way or another … thankfully, one of the benefits of living alone is not having to provide colorful commentary while the spouse tries on clothes, because we all know we’d really rather be just about anywhere else (but we also know children require supervision). 🙂

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    • As much as I like shopping, shopping with my husband isn’t as much fun. First of all, I don’t end up with anything. Second, it really takes a long time. I can buy him shirts and tees but not pants or shoes. His body is not standard size.

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  3. This was so funny to read, Kate! I have finally pretty much given up on even trying to help my husband in this area. No matter what I do in making suggestions he goes rogue when we have special events. I have to bite my tongue. I’ve tried to speak up a few times but he takes my “helpful suggestions” as criticism. You beloved husband seems to be more amenable to your help. And how nice that you could also give an opinion to a total stranger. All in all a good day! 🙂

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  4. “He was fortunate I was there as the shirt he tried on made him look like a fireplug.” Ha ha! Did you tell him that, Kate? I was thrilled to see the word “jodhpurs”…no one seems to be familiar with them. 🙂 I always thought it was a West Virginia word.

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    • Usually my husband asks what I’m wearing then equates that to something in his closet. Occasionally when he hears what I’m wearing, he will ask if jeans will go with that or does he need khakis. On the whole we are a very casual couple!

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  5. Man and their constant need for affirmation, why does it never end? Why must the marching band be booked for anything and EVERYTHING they do? Well done though on ticking the box on dress pants, that shopping experience is NEVER easy! 😉

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  6. I read this aloud and it got lots of laughter in our home (the clothes shrinkage in the closet especially). Yes, absolutely, you must wear the same approximate shoes you’ll wear with the dress pants when shopping for them. This was hilarious!

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