The beloved husband decided to buy new pants. He lost weight a year or two back and never replaced this dress pants (which he rarely wears since retirement).
Unfortunately this is after he wore clown pants to his class reunion.
Women plan what they will wear ahead of time for formal events going so far as to try things on to make sure they didn’t shrink while hanging in the closet. (Yes that does happen. It’s a known phenomenon!)
Most men think about what they will wear two to five minutes before putting it on. They hope they won’t need buttons replaced, a shoe shine or anything else. That philosophy never works for me.
The beloved husband is inflicted with white man’s butt. That means there isn’t any. Pleated fronts look like jodhpurs – big and fluffy mounds of fabric hanging on his hips. Only he’s not going to ride a horse.
Off to the store! He got a coupon in the mail and there was a sale going on. (Don’t you love it when they really USE a coupon?)
I didn’t supervise pre-shopping activities. I should have.
When trying on dress pants it’s best to wear shoes which are similar to what you will wear with the pants and slip-ons work best for speed. He wore clunky lace up sneakers. The kind where the pants puddle on the top.
Over the years I have learned to dress for quick shopping – elastic waist or easy on-off, slip-on shoes and tops that come off fast. (This can also be useful for dating.) I can try on 20 outfits in 20 minutes.
That is not how it worked. We had to determine (new?) size and style. He tried on at least 10 pair of pants. I waited outside the dressing room (somewhat patiently after I rearranged the area to allow for a chair) to give approval or point out the obvious.
There was another guy in the dressing room. I provided narrative on his selections too. Free of charge! I am always amazed when men come out of a dressing room looking for affirmation from the nearest woman. He was fortunate I was there as the shirt he tried on made him look like a fireplug.
We bought several pair of pants so that he can try them with the appropriate shoes and blazer (when it comes home from the cleaners). We went with flat front and found a brand that has a stretchy (but sleek) waistband. That allowed him to go down a size to fit his non-existent hips and butt.
All is well in the kingdom. We are prepared for the next class reunion five years hence or any dressy occasion (which will more likely be a funeral).
Of course I would need a new outfit but I know how to shop!
Author’s note: Thanks to the beloved husband for being a good sport!