A distraction

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This is one of my favorite pictures of Jake medicating himself in the catnip

This is one of my favorite pictures of Jake medicating himself in the catnip

This isn’t technically a cat post although it starts there and then segues.

This is a hectic week.

Trees have been cut down and hauled away.

There is a massive heat wave that makes even me sweat bucketsful.

On top of that, yesterday Jake wouldn’t get up for breakfast….or lunch. He lay prone under the bed at a spot that was inaccessible and growled at me.

Not good.

He’s an old cat. At any given point, his time may be up. I know that. I treasure him even when he is obnoxious as an elderly special needs cat can be.

He’s high maintenance. Without him my life would be much simpler.

Try telling that to my heart. Can’t seem to make the transition of information from brain to heart. Why is logic not working?

It causes confusion in my body. Would it be relief or extreme sadness? Yes to both. I remember that conflict when my mother was ill.

Are you selfish to want someone to hang on even though their quality of life isn’t good? Are you a bad person to feel relief when it’s over? The feelings alternate and none of them feel good. With relief comes guilt. With sadness comes loss.

Yesterday was a confusing day. I had trouble focusing and accomplishing and I had a lot of both to do. There were occasional treks peering under the bed to check for signs of life. What if he passes by himself? Is it bad to die alone? Do animals prefer it?

Around dinnertime he mustered up enough energy to go out and lay under the shrubs. He enjoys that. It must be a cool spot although it’s cool under the bed too.

He ate supper, then whined for more. He was back — annoying and high maintenance as always.

Finally I could think. I could finish my planning for the weekend. I even started reading a book. The tension was gone. Focus had returned.

The crisis passed.

Maybe next time it will happen but yesterday wasn’t the day.

Don't blame me if your day got screwed up!

Listen Cupcake, don’t blame me if your day got screwed up!

46 thoughts on “A distraction”

  1. I was glad to hear that Jake is feeling better. Our pets are a gnawing worry when they’re not feeling well. It doesn’t feel any better when it’s “time” to take them to the vet and you know you won’t be returning home with him/her. Your heart aches either way.

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  2. I’d be upset too, and maybe it was just to one, remind you despite him being like your grandfather, you still love him and two, to prepare you for the inevitable. It happens to every soul who has a pet he or she loves and the only alternative to your heart breaking would be to go before them, and that’s not how we want it. I love that he rallied…Go Jake!!!

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  4. The day after Father’s Day I had to take our 13 and a half year old, beloved black lab for her last ride. She could barely walk, barely breathe and started to refuse food and water. She’d been to the vet for her check up about 2 months before and we knew it wouldn’t be too long. In those two months, even though I gave her “stuff” for her joints she went downhill quickly. I miss her but life is simpler with one dog that doesn’t have to go out every 15 minutes. Our remaining dog is elderly but still quite feisty and in better physical shape. I can leave for more than 2 hours and know she won’t have accidents.

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    • I am so sorry for your loss. That last ride is awful. Our neighbor found a “traveling” vet to put their dog down. They did it in the yard where the dog loved to play and all the neighbors were teary-eyed. Yes, Jake is a real pain. I have to board him for trips because I don’t trust him overnight alone. He no longer likes to pee in the box (but he poops there so I can’t figure it out). I have two towels set up where he “goes.” Laundry every 3 or 4 days. He is healthy except for his diabetes which requires two shots a day and occasional testing. He is a very loving wonderful cat though so we take it all in stride. I think this last episode was some neuropathy in his back legs. His blood sugar was off so I adjusted his insulin and we’ll see.

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  5. Loving Jake and all those feelings and guilty thinking only make you human. I held my breath as I read your story and heaved a sigh of relief at the happy ending. Jake is so beautiful. And may you and Jake have more quality days together when he comes out from under the bed.

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  6. It is hard to watch those we love grow old and frail. When I had to take Henry, then Dolly, for a final visit to the vet I think the vet thought I was going to need a doctor. It was so sad. It is good you have other catkids to help you with Jake..

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    • Having others helps. They are so kind to him when he’s not feeling well. Morgan won’t even stick her nose in his ears which she loves to do!

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  7. That picture of him in the catnip cracks me up! I’m sorry he’s not doing as well, let’s just hope he had an “off” day.

    A couple of nights ago, the thunder woke me up and I realized I missed the sound of Frank sitting quietly next to the bed, licking his lips and waiting for help up. With a sob, I went back to sleep. yes, we love those old needy pets and I still miss mine!!

    Here’s to Jake!
    MJ

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  9. Sorry to hear you had a rough day, Kate. It’s so difficult with pets, since they can’t verbalize what ails them. I do love your caption under the last photo…priceless!

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  10. Had my heart in my mouth until I read the last paragraph…I know that everything has its day, but I’m still one to hope that Jake has many more days ahead.

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  11. You absolutely hit the nail on the head with this post, Kate. I had every one of those feelings on Sam’s last day with us. He had started looking like he had had enough and just two days before we were told that he had cancer. Everyone says you’ll know what to do when the time comes and they’re right, but it’s so hard waiting for it and even harder after.

    I’m glad Jake was OK. Love the picture of him in the catnip!

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    • We’re in the anticipation phase. Jake is diabetic but that seems under control. As far as we know there aren’t other health issues. I am fearing he may be getting some neuropathy. It’s just hard to watch them age.

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      • It’s really hard to watch them age. I lost 2 cats in 18 months. I told the vet that I felt like I was running an assisted living facility for geriatric cats. She told me I was.

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        • When Jake was young, I had an old back cat that was testy. She didn’t like Jake at all and the feeling was mutual. As she aged, I had to make sure he didn’t get near her. She would instigate but he was far bigger and she’d end up with bites. I think she got senile. She stayed in the one bedroom that was large and sunny but spent most of the time under the bed. We always called it the assisted living facility. She became more frightened of everything and at age 18 I decided that spending her days and nights in fear (despite the fact that no one could get through the door but me) under the bed wasn’t what she really wanted and I took her on that last ride. That was 2 years after I lost my favorite cat who was also diabetic with the shots and neuropathy and incontinence. For about 6 years I was free! Then Jake came down with diabetes at age 9 and it all started again. Do you want to register for my nursing care unit for when you and Oregano get old?

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  12. You explained those contradictory feelings we all have so well. Thank you for digging deeply. Regarding dying alone, a priest who has spent quite a bit of time giving last rites said he’s noticed that the dying person often passes away when family members go out for a cup of coffee. His explanation: The person needs a moment alone with God.

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    • We were doing a vigil for my dying father-in-law many years ago. His daughter, who was a nurse, suggested we all go for coffee so he could pass. He was comatose but she told him what we were doing (supposedly hearing is the last sense to go) and he passed before we got to the cafeteria a few feet down the hall. There’s something to that.

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  13. Yes, I’ve been there, too. Sorry that your day was like it was, but happy to know that Jake is with us for one more day. Gotta love how he employed what I believe to be every cat’s motto: give attitude, get attention.

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  14. For all the cats I’ve ever had, finding them under the bed unwilling to come out was always a bad sign. This Friday will be three years since we lost our Mukki, at 17. It’s unfortunate that just when we want to be close to them is when their instincts (fear) tell them to steer clear and go it alone. I got a few good minutes with Mukki the day she died; she came out from under the bed and napped next to me on the floor. She didn’t want to be touched but at least I could watch her sleep. It’s always so heartbreaking-I’m glad Jake pulled through another day.

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    • Perhaps they do prefer to be alone. The frustrating part was that I feared his blood sugar was low and I couldn’t test him. As it turns out, it wasn’t low so it was something else.

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  15. Yup. What you said.

    When Tigger has good days, I’m glad he’s still with us. When he seems to be feeling blech (but can’t use words to tell me), I wonder whether we all wouldn’t be better off if we were at “the end of the road.” But then he chases a treat or head butts us or . . . whatever . . . and I’m glad he’s still with us.

    If you haven’t seen Barb’s last post, you’ll love it:

    http://www.passionateboutpets.com/?p=1340

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  16. Oh…so sorry…what a lot of worry. It is, indeed, very hard to focus when we are worried about the furry ones. Glad things are better for now!

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  17. As I watch my old arthritic dog tottering around, clearly wincing in pain on his bad days, I try to ask myself the same questions. Then he’ll have a momentary good day, and crazily chase a squirrel just like he always has, or he’ll ferociously bark at the neighbor’s dogs like he’s king of the mountain again, and I tell myself that he’ll let me know when it’s time. But I agree that thinking clearly (about anything) is difficult, when our hearts are tangling with the “is now the time” question. Here’s hoping Jake still has plenty of good days left. *hugs*

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