Entering the Face Book world

facebook logoI held out for a long time.

I had heard all these bad things. People will know all your dirty laundry. (Note to self: check for racing stripes.)

The government will read your posts. They will collect a dossier of all your naughty habits. (Note to self: develop some naughty habits.)

Bad things will happen.

social-media-causes-u-to-lose-ur-jobAs it turns out getting a face book page was my last resort to keep up with family who never calls, emails or texts. I set one up two weeks ago. I don’t know how to do much but I can “like” comments or pictures and I can leave snarky remarks. I think they only allow the snarky ones or maybe that’s just my circle of snarky friends.

I waited patiently. So far it appears that no one knows my bra size. Nor do they know about my secret tattoo. I am hoping the government doesn’t tell the beloved husband how much time I spend on shoe websites hovering my pointer around the “buy” button. Shhhh!

I am waiting for the cataclysmic event to come and destroy my world.

What I found were some funny pictures of friends and family. There were cryptic messages that I don’t quite understand.

Posters have a language of their own. I wonder if the Rosetta Stone has an app for that.

I am not sure about the government but someone is spying on me. The ads I get on face book are for products that I googled or viewed somewhere. Someone is keeping tabs.

There are also headlines about a lie Ellen (DeGeneres) told. I wonder if she can see me on her fb page. Somewhere along the way I must have lied about something. I probably told someone they didn’t look fat and now it’ll be all over face book. Dang! (No, it wasn’t you. You never look fat.)

Of course I don’t understand why there is a singles’ advertisement on my page. Millions of singles are waiting to mingle with me. Really? Boy will they be disappointed. (Note to self: Get a more interesting life.) Maybe I should check with the beloved husband. He may know something I don’t.

My next goal is to figure out Candy Crush. I hear it’s highly addictive so I am a little scared of it. I get addicted to internet stuff really easily, just as Mr. Free Cell.

53 thoughts on “Entering the Face Book world

  1. smh (shaking my head) – yes, the lingo on FB can be downright confusing. Your post, as always, is hilarious. I’m not a serial killer, nor do I play one on TV, but I’d love to connect with you on FB. Cautionary note: I’m not on it much any more. But, when I am, I post lots of photos and videos of cute cats, dogs, etc.

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  2. Hahaha. I remember when I first opened my FB acct. I started getting requests from old highschool friends that I hadn’t seen in 30 years! I then realized thatI accidentally listed myself as “interested in men” and not as “in a relationship”. I was getting requests from divorced men ready for round two perhaps? Hahaha, so sad.
    But Fb does have some good things about it too. It is a great network for finding shit you never knew you cared about before. But seriously, I am an expat and it has helped me a lot as a reach out forum to other expats in Italy. It is nice to know sometimes that you are not alone in your point of view when living abroad. It has also increased my readership on my blog. Go to your dashboard and link to your FB acct.
    Welcome aboard the crazy train Kate! And btw, stay away from Candy Crush! It will rot your brain and waste hours of your day. I finally got stuck on a level for a month and stopped cold turkey!
    Also, fyi, I just sent out a “zing” on FB looking for a new teacher at our school and got six replies immediately, so this tool has changed the face of everything! So best to jump in while you can 🙂 and a good read, that will make you look at all social medaia differently is the Circle…a bit fluff but the message is pretty clear.

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  3. Kate you are so funny! I did a page or account on The Book of Face at the urging of my sis-in-law. She said I could keep up with all the doings of my new great nephew. I never told her my FB name. I have 8 friends, somebody should feel sorry for me. My FB is full of cat stuff and horse stuff. I am always hesitant to ask someone to be my friend for fear of rejection or that I am bothering them.. 😀 I am still in a state of befuddlement there and I think I started FB back in April!

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  4. Ah, you went and “done” it! I would actually love to disconnect, but like you, I do like to know what some of my family members are up to. It’s actually quite annoying to me that I find out about babies and marriages and important family life events through FB of all things. But no matter how I grumble, it’s a communication tool that is here to stay. I am sure you’re going to learn many things about people you will really wish you didn’t! 🙂

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  5. I too set up a recent account and am like Rainman on it. I blurb every time I post but no one seems to care. It’s a business account so I’m told it’s different. You have so much traffic as it is, this will probably quadruple it. It’s quite a way of life this social networking. I’m sure being such a great writer it will only make things better for you.

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    • I don’t know that (and I don’t think I’m that great a writer). Most of the FB “friends” already get my post by email. I connected the two so my posts go to FB automatically. I don’t really understand what a business account is. If I was given that option I totally missed it although I just want it for personal use. I have never really been able to figure out what makes traffic increase. I know what they say but….

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      • You are a great writer…you’re very engaging, and without sounding snooty…I hardly read anyone, but I read you…you never fail to make me laugh. Rather than my name I put it under athingirl. I was so gun shy, it felt less incestuous to me. Go figure. I’m like Greta Garbo of the cyber world. I want you to read me but not know who I am…lol

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        • Well I found it and “liked” your page although I am not sure if that does anything. The name isn’t important. You post your picture which is beautiful. I love to read your posts. You put such a different twist to NYC that it’s refreshing. You also have such great stories. You have lived a very full (is that the right word?) life.

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          • I saw that…thank you. I’ve yet to figure out how to like someone…it’s brain surgery to me. As far as my full life goes, I just make hay out of everything is all…but thanks for saying nice things about my writing.

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  6. A hilarious post Kate! There are one or two advantages to FB. Photos are one good thing and then people from your murky past who suddenly find you as to be your friend again. Sometimes old friends are hard to find but that can happen on FB. 🙂

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  7. Sorry to say but it’s all downhill from there. Facebook sucks you in like a Vortex (Polar or otherwise). I realize just how much I need to go back to working full time with every FB visit. I was saved from Candy Crush b/c it costs money, and I’m already addicted to NY Times crossword puzzle packs…

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    • I admit I did click. It’s an ad for some super duper face cream that she uses to make herself look so young. There is a picture of her from 10-15 years ago and one current. It’s not a Covergirl product either. There you are. No need to wonder! Grandson #2 doesn’t come up on my page.

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  8. How fun… We can now be friends all over the internet…
    I was relieved that you added DeGeneres to your Ellen lied comment…
    I only embellish… big difference.
    And I say throw caution to the wind…. Mr. Free Cell may need a break.

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  9. Kate, this is hilarious – do I know the no- phone,no texts, no e-mail reply thingy !!!
    My daughter put me on Facebook two years ago, and I can’t even get in any more as I’ve forgotten my password., But when I’m in, I just don’t get it… have no idea what a Poke is either… Good luck good friend – but not yet a Facebook friend !!!!

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  10. My children and my teenage grandchildren are all signed up for Facebook but almost never use it. They’re too busy. I’m the only one who uses it. I follow other bloggers and a few old high school and college friends. I’ve also heard that Ellen DeGeneres lied, and I get ads for singles who are waiting to mingle with me. So far nothing bad has happened to me.

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  11. Welcome to facebook, Kate. It’s a lot of fun to see pictures of family and innuendos. I have one, I don’t think I have a like button on mine. You might find an old friend in FB! Or better yet, they might find unless you have an alias.

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  12. You’re so funny, Kate. I have a Facebook account, but I don’t spend too much time on it. Between my family, my day job, my blog, my writing, there just isn’t enough time. My Facebook account is mostly friends from blogging and published authors. One thing I will say, being “Friends” with a lot of published authors has allowed me to fill up my Kindle with a lot of free books, when their publisher decides they want to have a freebie day. Since I don’t know your last name…friend me, if the mood strikes, I’m under jillian weatherholt. Welcome aboard!

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    • So far I haven’t had anyone do that but one posts a lot of inspirational sayings. I think Twitter is notorious for “I have to go to the bathroom now” type of stuff. I don’t have all that many friends yet though nor am I that active on it.

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      • Actually, I just went and friended you. I have my blog posts in Networked Blogs at FB. Register it there and every time you post, it will automatically get posted on your FB page. Other than my blog post, I don’t do much on FB except share posts from others and sometimes comment.

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  13. facebook is evil, and makes me feel dirty and grungy and yucky, but unfortunately, sometimes FB is the only way to keep up with grandkids and other relatives, or see all those funny pictures that make you wonder why anyone would ever post such photos … and, of course, there are all those terrific ads that are (supposed to be) so relevant. Heavy machinery engine parts? Sign me up. Purses that cost more than my mortgage payment? I’ll take two, thanks. I shake my head at how the “all knowing eye of information matching” can possibly think I would care about speaking to a Skilled Divorce Attorney. Did I accidentally get married again and forget to notice?

    Welcome to the world of Facebook. I’m already sorry for you. 🙂

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  14. I lasted on FB for 6 months. They were the longest 10 years of my life! I never figured out the appeal of FB, but ppl really do love it.

    As for Candy Crush Saga, I love it. Great fun. And free, too.

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  15. I have no idea why FB is trying to hook you up with swinging singles. I do know that the cookies on your computer interface with FB so that “relevant” ads appear.

    Of course, for some consumers, ANY ad is relevant. :mrgreen:

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