Disclaimer: While I believe most men are like my husband I have met a few who are quite chatty. I worked with one who kept me informed on EVERYTHING that was going on.
A widowed friend (Tom) of the beloved husband quietly remarried last year. We probably wouldn’t have been invited to the wedding because we weren’t close friends. The beloved husband and Tom were former work friends who continued to lunch and breakfast together with a group of retirees.
When we received an invitation about two months ago for a May picnic, I was suspicious. Is this a delayed wedding celebration? “I dunno” was the answer. It also was the answer to the follow-up questions – should we bring a gift, who do you think is attending, etc.
Women always want the details. After a whole week of daily suggestions on what we could bring which included everything from a card to a 6-pack of designer beer, the beloved husband wasn’t having any of it. It was his social event. I was just his eye candy so we went gift less – not even a hostess gift.
It felt alien to me but again, I am just eye candy and believe me, that is a lot of work. When we got to the picnic we sat with another couple. The husband was also a member of this breakfast-lunch group. Although I had met them before, this was the first time I really had a chance to get to know them. (Translation — talk to the wife!)
Within a half-hour the woman said to me, “I felt awkward coming without a gift.” Her husband had the same information as mine — none. I looked into her eyes and we were comrades. We started to compare notes – does he ever have any stories or information after the breakfast – no. What does he say when you ask how everyone is – fine. Oh my goodness, they are alike. I would call them distantly communicative.
When the host came to sit down and talk with us, within five minutes we had all the details. We knew that it was indeed a wedding celebration. (Luckily, no one else brought a gift.) We knew how they met, stories about their kids (who are all grown and in the 40-year-old range), and some other stuff too. It wasn’t an inquisition. It was casual interesting conversation.
Fast forward to today – we met some cousins of the beloved husband that he hasn’t seen in maybe ten years. We met at a restaurant about an hour away. On the way I asked who exactly was coming. He wasn’t quite sure. How many were coming — also not sure. My next question was practical – how big a table should we ask for? You know the answer. We had a good time anyway.
Here is the question – how can guys routinely meet their friends or arrange social activities and not know any details while women know the menu, what everyone is wearing and definitely who is coming???
Photo courtesy of smkybear via Flickr