Disclaimer: This blog contains a photo that may be offensive to some. (No, don’t go scrolling down to see it first!)
I didn’t think I would live to see it happen, but it did. It happened last week.
I didn’t marry my beloved husband because he was a stylish dresser or a great dancer (only my niece Anita will do the electric slide with him and only after a couple drinks). I married him because he is a good person. He is honest and hard-working and fun. I figured that would be enough. Over the years, I have tried to buy him some trendy clothes but it’s not an easy task. I can’t buy him pants at all. He has “white man’s affliction.” That means he is tushless, flat-assed, devoid of cheeks, whatever you want to call it. He has nothing below his hips except his legs which are thin — not too thin, but thin.
His pants all sag in the back. Personally, I believe that he buys them too big. He says not. Last week he said that he doesn’t understand why he doesn’t look as good in jeans as I do. Holy Moses! After taking a bow for my wonderful jeans, I explained that he doesn’t buy them to fit right. I try on fifteen pair before I find that perfect fit. Once I have established that a brand and a size works and that means buying ONE pair and washing them, I’ll buy a bunch and wear them until the next style comes along.
This was the golden opportunity to accompany him on his jeans expedition. We stopped in a Gap store. I pulled ten or twelve pair of jeans – boot cut and regular in different sizes and styles. I wouldn’t let him walk near the relaxed fit. I wasn’t happy. There was still a lot of bagging and sagging going on back there. Perhaps a surgical implant would work or maybe padded underwear. Can you even get them for men? Maybe Ralph Lauren would have a suggestion.
Then I found the men’s “skinny” cut jeans. The beloved husband would never try on a pair of skinny jeans because it sounds tight and uncomfortable. They weren’t. They fit just fine. In fact they still are looser than my jeans. They need to put a touch of lycra in men’s jeans. Just enough stretch to make them….hmmm…..interesting.
He bought a pair and he looks fabulous. On a tip from the salesperson, I visited the Gap website and found that you can buy jeans on-line in a 35 waist (one size down from his normal “too big” 36). I may just buy the smaller size for around the house. It may perk up the neighborhood!
- Steal Lauren Conrad’s Look: Coloured Pants in Red (stargazerfashions.wordpress.com)