Random 5 for April 27, 2025 – Stupid, life, funerals, downsizing, bugs

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You can see the window box to the left. It projects out about a foot. (Photo from last summer. No flowers yet.)

More stupid tax – We have a huge box window in the front of our house. Stuff gets under it – leaves, weeds, and the occasional trash. Every dang time I go under it to clean up, I whack my head on the frame. Every. Dang. Time. This weekend was not different except I hit the corner and gashed my head. Did you know that head wounds bleed like no other? I had blood dripping off my nose within seconds. My glasses were covered and my hair. I got to see what pink hair would look like on me. Nope, not a good look. If I go with a color, it will have to be blue. You can’t see the wound with all the hair in the way (and I’m NOT clipping the hair!). The beloved husband couldn’t see it either,  It put an end to my great plans to get stuff done! (BTW stupid tax is the pain you have when you do stupid stuff!)

Phases – Life has phases. When I was young (much younger), friends were getting married, then there was the child stage. Through life each decade brings events that are unique to the time frame. We are in the “downsizing or death” stage. We went to our third celebration of life in the past six months. That doesn’t mean only three people died. It means we attended three. I don’t go if I only knew the deceased. I don’t go if the person isn’t close. We don’t go if we can think of a good reason not to. Sounds harsh but these things are not fun. The beloved husband and I have decided not to have anything after we die. I want people to do a kind act and donate to an animal rescue rather than discuss how wonderful I was. I realize these events are cathartic for the family and offer a closure of sorts. Maybe it’s the opportunity to talk that’s soothing. My family can get together privately and do that with a pitcher of beer or margaritas.

Having said that – I’ve been to some fun funerals. My extended family was a party group. They could turn any event where the cousins got together into a fun time no matter what the occasion was. At one funeral luncheon, we got a little loud and were asked to tone it down. Seriously? At a luncheon? That’s a time to laugh and tell old stories. Most of my cousins are gone and so are the raucous luncheons. This is one of the sad parts of being the youngest. It’s along the lines of the “the cheese stands alone.”

Doing a deep dive – I have a mini-goal of throwing out one thing each day. It’s been working. It can be a small or a large thing. For the celebration of life, I wore a blazer from my working days (retired since 2011). It’s still gorgeous but it’s no longer for me.  I rarely wear “dress up” clothes so they get out of style quickly. I try to have some basics that can be dressed up if need be. When you get older, you get invisible, so it doesn’t matter. If I’m invited to a prom, I’ll buy a new dress!

Sayonara – I hate to mention it in case it is bad luck, but it seems the pesky ants are gone. We have had five ant-free days. Before we celebrated, I noticed that the fruit flies were moving in. At least they are easier and don’t come in cavalry formation.

So how was your week?

66 thoughts on “Random 5 for April 27, 2025 – Stupid, life, funerals, downsizing, bugs”

  1. So glad the ants are hopefully gone! You are right – celebrations of life are mostly not fun. Glad your gradual clearing out is working OK for your downsizing. And also, hope your head is OK!

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    • The one thing a day has been working so well. When I dedicate a day to it, I start out full of vigor and ruthlessly toss out stuff. Then I start to get sentimental and by the end I’m keeping everything. Now I go through, yank something and out it goes. No time to get weepy. I’ve been eyeing my yearbooks. Thinking of discarding all but my senior year. I haven’t looked at them in 50 years but there is something sentimental there.

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  2. Speaking of funerals, you HAVE to see a British movie titled “Undertaking Betty”. It’s hilarious! .. a little town in England that becomes a battlefield between 2 competing funeral directors! I got this as a DVD & shared it with a bunch of friends. They were all laughing all the way through it & loved it!

    It’s full of the wacky, off-the-wall quirky humor the British are so good at.

    Highly recommended!

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  3. I haven’t been to a family funeral in years now. I do remember all the laughing though so not sure about being told to tone it down. As for downsizing, I dip in and out of doing that. Kind of want to, kind of don’t.

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    • Thanks. That’s how it looks in the middle of the summer. Our pachysandra died over the winter. Half died the previous winter and this is the last of it. It was beautiful with that filling in behind the flowers. Always something.

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  7. Ouch on the head injury. I am sorry about another loss. It seems like more and more people are choosing to have nothing. My husband’s brother passed away a month ago and had said he wanted no services. My wishes are only for a casket and burial. Anything else is up to who is left and what they need to help them grieve.

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  8. I get demerits for not downsizing and decluttering as I planned to so STUFF lingers on and on. I have not been to any celebrations of life, though I have lost a few friends and it’s been a while since I went to a funeral, just paying my respects at the funeral home. Well I found your ants … if that is all I am relieved because I also have had the cavalcade and it wasn’t fun. I was excited that the few that were showing up the past week was perhaps all of them, but then this morning was not fun.

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    • I had a professional come. They used ant traps and they worked. You can probably buy them yourself and set them around wherever they come in. At a traditional funeral you can pop in to pay respects and leave prior to any ceremony. With a celebration of life it’s different. I suppose you could leave but the newer ones are by invitation only and it’s a commitment.

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      • That’s good to know Kate. I used the liquid ant bait traps for years, but didn’t have many ants last year and so didn’t buy any this Spring
        – so far only one ant today which is unusual because yesterday there were a lot, all in the bathroom. Fingers crossed our flukey Spring will keep them outside!

        I didn’t realize that about a celebration of life so thanks for explaining that aspect. Depending on how popular someone is, the service could indeed last for hours!

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  9. We live such solitary (mostly) lives, we haven’t been to a celebration of life or a wedding in YEARS. Not sure I’d know how to behave (or dress) anymore. LOL OUCH on the head injury – sounds painful. If you get a scar from that you’ll have to come up with a more interesting story of how you got it. LOL

    Hugs, Pam

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  10. You could have knocked yourself out, Kate! These days I need somethings for funerals. Weddings are seldom close enough for us to attend. And who knows that they are wearing to weddings. May the ants go marching somewhere else!

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    • For the most part, dress is very casual for funerals these days especially among the young. Weddings, we have so few. Last one was at least 5 years ago. I have already donated that dress!

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  11. I too am suffering from a stupid tax, maybe more like a carelessness tax. There’s no blood on the outside, just under the skin–a bruised and swollen fat foot. Next time I’ll be more careful on my way to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Or maybe I won’t.

    I like your idea of the mini-goal. Now I just have to be as dedicated as you are to cleaning out my closets.

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  15. I have not attended tons of funerals, but the ones I did go to were marvelous. People talked and reminisced together — relatives relating to each other in a marvelous way. These were truly celebrations of life.

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  16. I like that idea of throwing away at least one thing everyday. I need to move to ground floor apartment, but the amount of stuff I have makes me dread even looking for a new place because of the inevitable boxing of stuff I don’t use. And doing a big clear out of a closet means lots of garbage bags down the very stairs that are making me need to move. But one thing a day – now that’s doable.

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    • It is doable and it makes a difference. Yesterday some clothes went to the donation pile and today an old blind went into the trash. Over the past 6 weeks or so, my downstairs closet has cleared out most of the stuff. Still needs some work but one thing a day is doable.

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  17. We lost a beloved family member this week. Even though we knew he was sick, and it was a matter of time, the loss is still heavy. The last time I bought sympathy cards, I bought multiples. Sad state of affairs. I will readily admit I’m glad we are moving away from wakes and big funerals. A mass, graveside service, or celebration of life is a lot easier on everyone. An act of kindness is a good thing.

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    • When my dad died in 1958, there was a constant presence in the house. My mom and dad came from big families so there were lots of people taking turns to “sit the family.” That continued until after the funeral. Between the viewing (which was in the home) and the funeral someone was there all the time even overnight as part of the wake. I was a little kid but it was exhausting. The right thing may be different for different people and different customs. Our family no longer does that and hasn’t for decades. I am happy to not sit through a requiem high mass. They are beautiful but so solemn with a touch of depressing.

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  18. OUCH!!! Your poor head.

    We had a side-by-side fridge in the last place. Here, it’s a freezer on top and fridge on bottom. At least once a month, I bang my head on the (closed) freezer door when I stand up after bending down to get something out of the crisper.

    Your criteria for funerals (which are not generally fun) makes sense to me. If you only knew the deceased and not their close friends and family, why go? Just offer up a silent prayer/thought/blessing for the deceased.

    I still have one “timeless” navy blazer from my working days. It doesn’t get much use, but I have worn it to the occasional funeral. All my other suits are gone.

    Good week here. Landon turned 4 amid much pomp and circumstance ~ both a Super Heroes birthday for friends and a family dinner for relatives. Among other gifts ~> a big boy bed!

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    • Sounds like you are enjoying being around family! I had a timeless blazer that was wonderful but on the smallish side. It was uncomfortable to it went a long time ago. Wish I could find another although for as often as I need it, it’s probably not worth it. A lot of the mourners were dressed in everyday clothes and the older ones in sneakers. It’s a sign of the times.

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  19. I used to have a student who would always moan and complain about everything, and I had a sign saying, “… days since [kid’s name]’s last whinge” and that was permanently set to 0, too. The kid and I got on very well, and he took it in the good humour that was intended!

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  21. Oh my, your head? Hope you’re okay. I do love always the front of your house. It’s so beautiful Kate.

    I’m a big fan of window boxes since they take time and effort just so someone like me can admire them. Many townhouses here in Manhattan have them.

    The cheese stands alone…a favorite phrase of mine since I’m always the Cheddar of any group. And as a final remark..love your tossing out one item a day. May have to borrow that. Have a lovely week Kate. Regards to the kids. Susannah

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  22. Yikes, so sorry about you banging your head on that window box. Like you, I’m in that closing out period of time in life. I recently donated all shoes with any kind of heel or that were even the slightest bit uncomfortable (about 15 pairs). As I collected the boxes, I mentally calculated the amount of money I’d paid for all of them. With long time foot problems, I’ve never been able to buy cheap shoes and while it felt cathartic to eliminate so much, I went into depression about how much money was represented in that pile along with more clothes. I’ve gotten rid of most of the work clothes but then yesterday I needed an outfit to attend a social event. Dang it, what I had planned to wear had shipped off to greener pastures. Luckily I found something (an exquisite jacket that had belonged to my mom and was coincidently on the 5th anniversary of the week she passed). It was like she was hugging me for a few hours. Those are the kinds of things I want to experience as I remove all the extraneous ‘stuff.’

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    • Years ago I sat through many a requiem high mass for the dead that was painful. People, even devout Catholics, don’t seem to do that anymore. A kind act is the best remembrance of a loved one.

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