So what would you do?

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My gift wasn’t gift wrapped!

I’m a terrible gift giver. I hate the concept of buying something because you have to. I prefer to buy when I see something that reminds me of the person I’m buying for, but that doesn’t always happen when an occasion presents itself.

I also hate to buy gifts that are unused or unwanted. A dud gift. A total waste of money no matter how cheap they are. I’ve gotten many of those in my life (and probably given my share too). I had a boss who bought the worst gifts. Most of the gifts came home and went directly into the trash. The rest (very few) went to someone who appreciated them more than I did (maybe). The odd thing was that he would say he picked it out because it reminded him of me. An old bent planter? Really? I remind someone of an old bend planter that couldn’t hold anything weighing more than a few ounces without toppling over? What does that say about me?

Sometimes the most difficult gifts are convalescent gifts. Something to let a person know you are thinking of them. I have a friend who is recovering from surgery. I know her well enough to have an idea of what she might like but I was still perplexed. I knew some friends were giving plants or flowers. A book would be a good gift for her if you knew what she hasn’t already read. I gave her homemade pudding. Not just any pudding, but tapioca because I knew she loved it as much as I do.

Her husband, who has been taking care of her since her surgery, was stressed. He was now in charge of everything including laundry, and he has his own health issues. He commented to our neighbor that he had no idea what to make for dinner. (insert light bulb here!)

I took a rotisserie chicken over along with a salad that she likes. I arrived at the same time as another friend who had a nice box of high-end chocolates. Not that I have anything against candy, but I don’t buy it as a gift unless I know the person would enjoy it. So many friends can’t or won’t eat high sugar treats. We don’t eat candy here. I love a good mocha latte but not a box of chocolates. (Did you detect the subliminal message to give me a Starbucks gift card?) Everyone eats rotisserie chicken (except a vegan)!

Coming home I laughed to myself. My mom would be so proud. We are of Austrian descent and all about the food. The typical gift when I was growing up was a casserole or a bag of fresh-picked fruit or strudel (yum!) or anything homemade. No one does the “homemade” these days but thanks to grocery stores, there are wonderful offerings like rotisserie chicken or the absolutely decadent fried chicken.

What is your go-to gift?

61 thoughts on “So what would you do?”

  2. Food gifts are definitely my go-to for gifts when I don’t know what someone would enjoy or appreciate. Often, homemade bread. Most everyone loves fresh homemade bread. Or cinnamon rolls. But you’re right, it can be hard to know who won’t eat chocolate or bread or whatever it is that I want to make. I do like it when I know what someone would like but so many people are afraid to say those things out loud.

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    • You can’t go wrong with homemade goodies. Bread, yep! Although I don’t eat much candy I have had a piece or two of something special someone made. When someone is ill, they can also use baked goods to serve to visitors although if I love something no one else is going to see it!

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  4. Hmm, go-to, eh? Depends on the person. Those who would appreciate it usually receive a hand painted card but I sometimes will make a special treat I know the person will enjoy. This next week I’m making sushi for my grandson’s birthday. With everyone ordering from Amazon all the time, foodables seem to be enjoyed and appreciated.

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  5. Subliminal message received. 😆 It’s funny you mention casserole because we watched a cooking competition show last night, and the contestant made one because she said that’s what her neighbors still give to one another. I thought that was very touching. – Marty

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  7. That was a great idea to bring food. I make a lot of lasagnas to thank people and when someone is sick or loses a loved one.

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  8. Gee, the only person I bought a gift for in ages was my friend Ann Marie who had a hip replacement in February and I figured she would be laid up a while plus Winter weather. She not only had the hip surgery, but a friend of hers came to their apartment to “help” and brought COVID, so Ann Marie had two things to recover from. I had the puzzle sent to her before the surgery as her husband has some medical issues and does not get around well. She opened it and they started it before the surgery. A few years ago I sent a Borders gift card to a friend recovering from a stroke only to find out she could not hold a book as her one hand/arm had no feeling and was essentially useless, even after PT, from the stroke.

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    • Sounds like one gift was great and the other maybe not although there are other things besides books at Borders. I rarely have the situation where I would buy a gift. It started out with a non-gift of pudding, then expanded a bit to a meal.

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      • Yes, she apologized she couldn’t pick a book and said “maybe an audiobook” – I felt badly. She only told me that because she’s retired and had been volunteering at a clinic for unwed mothers as a sonographer. She had been the Head Sonographer at a big hospital in the Detroit area and she retired the same time as a doctor and he opened a clinic for free services and asked if she’d like to help out. She can’t do that anymore – she did not recover the use of her arm. She’s only a year older than me. If I made a meal to take to someone’s home, I’d likely make them sicker. 🙂

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  9. It is hard, but I often provide a meal, or if not an entire meal, some fresh banana bread or something that along with a card at least acknowledges what they’re going through. If it’s a good friend I know very well and other needs are being met, I have lately been giving gift certificates for on-line food delivery services. I’m not very creative, but I’m practical! There are friends I think would probably enjoy something creative and a little different from the standard “go to” options, but I can’t seem to cross that bridge! 😉

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    • I like your ideas. I’m practical too. So many gifts get unused but a meal is always welcome. When you just had surgery you are in no condition to stand and make a sandwich! Save creative ideas for other stuff!

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  12. Gift giving is especially challenging as we age because we usually have what we need and aren’t so much into stuff just sitting around. I would have been thrilled with a chicken and a salad, but then I get excited when my daughter brings home made baked goods too. If anyone ever gives you a box of fine chocolate and you don’t know what to do with it, I’ll be glad to take it off you hands. 🙂

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  14. I have resorted to asking what people actually want. They are so relieved not to get a dud gift that they tell me! It is such a relief on both ends. While I was recuperating from surgery recently, my coworkers wanted to help. Knowing that my husband’s cooking skills were pretty limited, they gave me DoorDash gift cards. I had never used the service, but we quickly figured it out. It was a God-send!

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    • That is a fabulous gift! It was very targeted. When I worked, a women was getting weekly chemo treatments. They made her exhausted. Her co-workers got a cleaning service to come in and it was much appreciated.

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      • That is a beautiful gift. We picked up a house cleaner as I neared my knee replacement. I told my husband that it wasn’t fair that he had to do all his chores and mine, too. This beautiful woman is doing all the hard things, many of which my husband used to do. We both worship her, pay in cash and tip well. We’re never going back. To gift someone any kind of housework is an amazing gift. It feels worse to feel awful in a dirty house than in a clean one.

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  15. If someone is recovering from a medical issue, I think food is probably the best thing to offer. A rotisserie chicken is a great idea. If someone brought me something with onions in it I’d get even sicker. Onions don’t like me (and the feeling is mutual). I’m a huge dark chocolate fan, but I wouldn’t want an entire box going to my hips. I once got a homemade blanket from someone after a surgery, which I liked and still use. My go-to food to bring is my cure-all homemade chicken soup. The stuff can grow back a limb (line stolen from Everybody Loves Raymond). Seriously though, that soup feels like “Mom” taking care of you. But, a rotisserie would’ve definitely gotten eaten up in my house.

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    • I do stay away from spicy or complicated dishes unless I know the recipient would like. Chicken soup is universal except for vegans. I don’t have many of those. I do have a lot of friends who don’t eat red meat.

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  16. Kind of depends on the “occasion”…..recovery from illness, etc. – food is great for those just not able or wanting to cook; special occasion like birthday or anniversary, etc., gift cards are great (no it’s not “impersonal” – it’s thoughtful letting someone get themselves something they REALLY want or need). If the person I’m gifting is a plant lover I enjoy getting something unique – like a small orchid, etc. Anyway, these days I have very VERY few people in my circle anymore so I don’t have to make these decisions all that often! You know that old saying “it’s the thought that counts”? It TRULY does!

    Hugs, Pam

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    • I sure hope so because I’m sure I’m occasionally off the mark. I recently gave my brother some crunchy treats that are healthy and tasty (no gift, just to try). They were too crunchy for his teeth. I know they are peppermint patty folks so that’s always a hit in that house.

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  17. It’s always appreciated when the gift is given with the receiver’s tastes and needs in mind! It shows you really thought about the person, instead of going the generic route. Kudos to you, Kate!

    Deb

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  18. Maybe offer to hang out with your friend while her husband takes some time for himself?

    BTW: As a vegetarian, I’ll take chocolates over chickens every time. 😀

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  19. Since I like to be in my kitchen, I would definitely consider taking food in a situation where it’s complex to plan a meal. But you are correct in stating that it’s difficult to buy some thing when you don’t know what a person likes or already has. And like you, I want my gift to say that I thought about the gift I chose to give. My older brother how to trait of buying me things from nonprofit organizations so that he could claim the payment with his income taxes. I got some really parentis gifts from him in his lifetime. With most restaurants still serving to go meals since the pandemic, a gift card to a restaurant you know someone likes will allow them to choose some things they will enjoy. I no longer give tangible gifts to anyone. My brother doesn’t exchange gifts and my best friend and I have chosen to have “experiences“ together – like a movie we both want to see or a day trip where we both like to go – because we buy what we truly need for ourselves and the memories we create are priceless.

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    • My friends and I do that too. We use to “treat” the other to dinner but it got complicated (there were 4 of us). Now we celebrate with dinner (each paying our own) and card. It works. You get to a point and gifts are just more stuff you don’t need.

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  20. I don’t buy many gifts anymore. Not that I’m not generous, but it’s not the done thing around here. That being said, I like to give gift cards to restaurants or Star$ because people gotta eat, drink– and I hope be happy.

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  22. We always bring food. Especially when someone in my mom circle of friends is sick or recovering from surgery. Sometimes it will be me with the pot roast, or sometimes Andy with a roast chicken. If I can’t manage whole dinner, then I’ll usually bake some bread. One mom still talks about how amazing the smell and taste of homemade bread was after her mastectomy. That was at least 5 years ago.

    LOL on the bent planter. I’m sure your boss had some vague memory of you and plants, but how about a Home Depot gift certificate? Jeez.

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    • Home Depot would have been much more appreciated! When my brother and his wife had their traumatic accident a few years back, their church does a “meals on wheels” thing. People sign up and someone brought them a meal everyday for a few weeks. It was pretty wonderful although it started to get “lasagna heavy” towards the end. Sure wished you lived near me!

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  23. I hear you… I’ve got one million mugs and coffee pots with idiotic sayings and in all variation for every christmas party birthday easter whatnot. I had them all in a big box and two years ago it landed on the floor and there was a total damage… it was as if a burden comes down from my back…I like the idea with the pudding, I would do such a thing too… a cake with a funny getwell decoration or tea and fab cookies ;O)

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    • A cake with your signature would be great! 🙂 OMG on the mugs. Why do people think you need another stupid mug? When we moved I downsized and gave at least a dozen to Thrift (so someone could buy them and gift them to someone else!).

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