Random 5 for February 9 – The people issue

This is a people rant issue. I was peopled out this week. So peopled out.

Walk on by – I’m on Facebook. I block anyone who posts ugly, nasty stuff. It’s my happy place. This week there was a bunch of stuff that happened in my happy places. Maybe it’s a reflection of what’s going on in the country. There were no filters.  People were mean. My policy is not to argue but to “walk on by.” I seem to be alone.

“I never post this kind of thing” – That’s how one person started, then they proceeded to post the meanest meme I’ve seen in a while. It wasn’t funny no matter what side you were on. I wanted to respond with “so why did you?” but instead I walked on by (resolving to block if I see another one like that).

My beloved cat place – I’m in a cat group. It’s full of wonderful pictures and stories and feel good stuff. There have been kerfuffles in the past because cat people are passionate. Indoor-outdoor, grain free food or not, rescues or pedigrees. Really passionate. Periodically the administrator has to post that this is not the forum for those kinds of arguments discussions. This week there were two kerfuffles. I missed the first one as the post was taken down before I saw it. I saw the second post. A woman wanted to start her arthritic cat on CBD oil. She was looking for people with this experience. This is not an unusual treatment in many areas. Holy cow. Comments ranged from the end of the world apocalypse to the supportive. Seriously folks? This is  legal in her state. It won’t make her cat a stoner. You don’t like it? Walk on by.

Then it invaded the ancestry group – I’m also part of an ancestry research group. It’s very helpful especially with record translations which come in three languages (none of which are English). This week I learned that “gypsy” is a derogatory word. The proper word is Romani people. They were a minority in the area and as I found out, treated very poorly. One woman was seeking information as one of her ancestors married one. They are noted differently in the official records so it’s confusing. She initially used the “g” word and all hell broke loose. Intense vitriol! I don’t know when we lost the art of being kind in explaining things like this to people who don’t know. I now know a lot about this culture and so does the poor person who posted the first comment. I almost named my cat that. Yikes!

Under the covers – I’ve spent the rest of the week figuratively “under the covers” avoiding anything remotely controversial (you know like liquid soap versus bar soap or single-ply toilet paper versus two-ply). I don’t know when I’m coming out.

So how was your week?

 

 

86 thoughts on “Random 5 for February 9 – The people issue

  1. There has been so much vitriol over the last year! So much hostility and meanness from people claiming to be acting that way for “good reason”. They claim their original intent is to stop people from feeling hurt, but they go about it in the most hostile, hurtful way. I just try to avoid people like that online (and in real life) as much as possible. You know, like you are supposed to let toddlers have their fits and wind themselves down 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  2. This did not show up on my page, but I went looking for it…I have unfollowed everyone on my friends list that consistently push something or someone. I would like to consider myself a reasonable and fair person. But, I have had it!!!! Don’t try to shove your political beliefs down my throat.
    And to be politically correct and not offend anyone, just don’t talk. That’s right…don’t talk. A while ago I called someone Oriental. I was immediately chastised because the proper name is Asian. I had no idea and meant no disrespect. The same is true of the word Gypsy. I found out that some of my very distant relatives were Romanian…..does that mean I am part Romani????? I laughed and said gee maybe I am a Gypsy. Yes, just don’t talk to anyone about anything!!!!!
    It is so frustrating!!!!!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Romani people are not Romanian. I didn’t know this either. They originated from northwest India many centuries ago and are nomads that travel from place to place selling their wares or talents. It’s not likely that they are in your family but you never know. I don’t know why you have so much trouble subscribing to my blog. Every once in a while WordPress updates something that changes things but it shouldn’t change this. Like you I went “block crazy” on FB. Some people I snooze for 30 days. They show up again and before you know it, I snooze them again. They may not necessarily post political stuff but some people are pushing products they sell. Their posts have gone from family to selling. Nope, not interested.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’ve been noting the nasty barbs and intolerance on many of the forums I once enjoyed. I have tried to let it go and “walk on by” but the pleasure I once enjoyed has been dramatically reduced! I will add a little comment about CBD and pets, however. It is entirely legal in California, and even our veterinarians are supporting the usage. We have added it to Zena’s food and it is helping her arthritis symptoms. There is no THC in CBD oil, so no pets are getting high! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • It’s legal in PA too. I’ve not needed it yet but the beloved husband uses it for his arthritis and it helps. Mollie is starting to limp so I am assuming arthritis. I will seriously consider this. I was bowled over by the negativity on CBD oil. Some people are uninformed and they shouldn’t be posting if they don’t know.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I admire your “walk on by” attitude. I was raised in a speak-out-and-speak-loud Italian family. While I have walked on by on occasion, I’ve also stepped into it too many times. If they want to post something controversial where everyone agrees and they all bash the side they hate, then they need to have a private page accepting only those who will do so. Otherwise, they’re going to get opposition publicly (and sometimes I’m one of them).

    It sounds like your cat group got a bit catty over CBD oil. 😉 Seriously, that is something where I would’ve walked on by. It’s too personal of a decision. They all love their kitties dearly and want to do what’s best for them.

    BTW, I’m naming my next dog Gypsy. 🙄
    Just kidding. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I learned about the Romani people’s derogatory term the way your friend did. It’s embarrassing to be unknowingly using a slur, but of course the internet will beat you down for it and teach you the lesson. That much you can count on. Sigh.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Yeah, I was with some cats this weekend and I was all like, “Salmon is the best” and they were all like, “What about Dolphins you buffoon!” and I was like, “Uh… how about tuna? Tuna’s good,” and then their heads fell off and I slithered away and ate my treats alone in the closet. You just can’t talk to some people. (or cats).

    Liked by 2 people

  7. The personal problem I’ve been thinking about today is how to do my various duties to my family, my country, the world, and myself. I want to be aware of what’s going on and do my part. Today I was reminding myself that we can live in the midst of turmoil, injustice, and all manor of bad things and still be happy and even cheerful. That’s the challenge, to, as F. Scott Fitzgerald says, “hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.” Life is beautiful and it’s hard and sometimes ugly. I suppose it will always be that way. We just need to be loving and respectful of each other. Best wishes.

    Liked by 3 people

  8. I did not know “G” was a derogatory term … when we had the house painted/papered the woman took forever to get it done … she set her own hours, arrived late, left early, had smoke breaks outside, had “hot flash break” outside or sat on the floor with the fan cranked up on high in front of her. My mom said “I cannot go on much longer living like a gypsy. Glad she only said it in the house. I follow several weather sites on Twitter – like yours, ours are not always accurate – people go off on the weather folks after they publish a forecast with venomous comments – someone asked if the schools would have a snow day tomorrow and the meteorologist said “no, it will be over tonight and rain will come in, even freezing rain will be over before you’d leave for school.” People went off on him then each other. No reason for that. His answer: “you asked, I am just the messenger, not Mother Nature.”‘

    Liked by 2 people

  9. I identified with all that you say Kate… I got clobbered for using a phrase which I grew up with,and was never used as a putdown, – Red Indians – we thought they were so cool, from Hiawatha down !
    No doubt Hiawatha is on the Index of ‘raycist’ verboten publications these days…
    and as you say courtesy, kindness, tolerance seem to be in soirt supply these days…

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yes. It could have been handled kindly. The poster did not say anything unkind about them but wondered why their official records from 1800s were so different. Can’t say Indians here. Some of the athletic teams use that name and it’s become very controversial. Thanks for adding a thought!

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    • I always think of Cher and “Gypsies, tramps and thieves” but that is the stereotype that’s derogatory. As a side note, I worked with a woman who always wore the big flowy skirts with a Danskin scoopneck top. She had long hair too. Whenever I saw her I would start singing that song because she reminded me of Cher.

      Liked by 2 people

  10. I was reading a delightful post from a favorite writer in WordPress, and without warning, it veered to one political comment. Why did it have to be ruined like that? Leaving off the last paragraph would have made it perfect. *sigh*

    Liked by 1 person

  11. One of my husband’s old aunts did not like another in the family and called her a gypsy. Evidently that explained everything! I walk away from ugly stuff on Facebook too but I have seen some dark discussions between old friends. Some days I am tempted to leave FB but I like staying in touch with friends and family. I hope next week is better for you! Cheers!

    Liked by 2 people

      • It did mean that for many for a long time. Insults are often a regional thing – all depends on the majority’s feelings/intentions when using the word or phrase.
        All the meanness is annoying – unfortunately it appears that some of it is to just shut up other people (which is a form of bullying…so they bully…”do as I say not as I do” thing?).
        Once people were courteous and overlooked things that may have been unpleasant but in the whole scheme of life, unimportant.
        Unimportant. Not recognizing such may be the issue?
        So many people either want to be victims or defenders (of those they don’t even know or have never seen – now that’s very weird….supposedly virtuous, I guess, you Goody-two-shoes)
        Once people just laughed at insults because EVERYONE was insulted at one time or the other. People laughed more. They also recognized the difference between intelligent satire or jokes and ugly slams done intentionally to hurt.
        What is wrong with people?
        We have many Romani families here (Some resettled after WW II having escaped the death camps) Members get in the news sometimes with their conflicts/divorce issues as they prefer to follow their own laws/court judgments, but when those go against one party, that one frequently gets the local legal authorities/courts involved. (And the G word is used – without any meanness meant, none taken.)
        RC Cat applauds the cat photo. She wants it posted by the front door.

        Liked by 1 person

        • It is truly hard to stay on top of things. We are of Austrian descent (near the Hungarian border) and were called Hunkies when I was a kid. There were a lot in the area because groups from villages emigrated for jobs. It didn’t mean anything. I met an Italian who got very offended when our company had a form that was a WOP (acronym) form. He had the name changed because it denigrated his nationality.
          I want to get that cat picture framed and hung on the outside of the house so visitors are aware of how I feel. Cats don’t get offended easily and if they do, they retaliate in a peaceful but forceful way (like a hairball in your shoe).

          Liked by 1 person

  12. I agree with your policy of not reacting, and just “walking by.” I have no patiences for pure meanness – or animal abuse stories that make me feel abused when i read them. I left a guinea pig group today after about a year in. I really miss having guinea pigs; they are such sweet creatures. But the group became all cage bragging, sick guinea pigs needing prayers, and odes to dead guinea pigs. It did not lift me up or help me to see the love. I’m sticking to the cat and dogs groups now. Sigh. Maybe I’m too sensitive when I think of the depth of the feelings for the owner whose guinea pig died. But then, others seemed to take it in stride. I need to manage my social media, not the other way around.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. My stepmother’s cat was named the “G” word, but, yeah,it’s a slur. I think it’s acceptable to use Romani or Travelers.

    Google is, of course, very helpful when trying to determine what words to not use, but you have to have some inkling that the word is now a slur. I think anything denoting ethnicity has the potential to be problematic, but there are plenty of other phrases to avoid. The two that I see the most often with the older folks, even in my liberal family are:

    1) Calling a Black American “articulate,” because it implies that it’s abnormal or shocking,
    2) Calling certain white Americans “white trash” instead of just trash, because it implies that it’s abnormal for white people to behave in an uncouth manner (but of course not other races).

    There are a ton of old sayings that have racist roots, too, like “the peanut gallery,” “long time no see,” “chop chop” “no can do,” and even “grandfather clause.”

    It is often more helpful when a white person take a minute to say, “Hey, did you not realize that folks find that term offensive now?” rather than coming down like a ton of bricks. But I see no small number of older white men insisting that they be allowed to use whatever terms they grew up with, no matter how offensive. The entitled do not take criticism well, hence their constant derision of the term “PC” and their proud proclamations of “I’m never PC!”

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I really am shocked by the number of adults that are bullies. I have never met so many bullies as I have met here. I am sorry people were mean at your happy places. It was way too peopley for me this week, too. I gave The Book of Face the boot a long time ago and there was instant peace. Thursday it was so peopley I took my cabana towel down to the garage and took a nap in Olive’s back seat. Our garages are all concrete block… so peaceful.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I like FB because I can keep up with some friends and relatives I don’t often see. I’ve learned to block a lot and it was pretty ok until this past week. WordPress is much happier. I don’t follow controversial or irritating bloggers.

      Liked by 1 person

  15. My week was filled with wackos, too. I walk on by most conversations anymore, knowing that people who are trapped in negative thinking patterns will resent or argue with anything I say. I adhere to my motto: do no harm, but take no shit. Kindness and boundaries are my m.o. lately.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Love your motto. I’m adopting it! I was at a family event last weekend and it was so peaceful. No political discussions that I heard. No conflicts at all (although our family tends to be conflict averse.) Everyone was kind. It was surreal.

      Liked by 1 person

  16. I dumped FB largely because of this. My “friends” seemed to have nothing better to do than engage in nasty fights (and then there were all their friends). It was exhausting. I don’t find the same issues here on WP, though there are a few. Twitter is a problem, but I try to stick with the poets. ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

  17. I so hear you! A friend and I were just talking this week about this and yes “walk on by” and avoid it altogether is what I do as well. The sad thing is that with this being election year it is just going to get worse! WP will be my social media outlet! I think you deserve a Starbucks drink after your week!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Like you I delete anyone snarky, mean-spirited or overly zealous on what they’re espousing … including one of Hubby’s Aunts. Why? She’s a snarky, mean-spirited crone who doesn’t like anyone, loves to gossip and spread poison … a truly hideous soul. My life is better since ridding her of it. And, yes, I might just stay in my happy place for the rest of the decade – blah!

    🙂 MJ

    Liked by 1 person

  19. I totally hear you on the happy place thing. For me – my whole world is my happy place and the only way I’ve been able to walk out there in the open without taking cover is by ignoring all the unhappy and cruel and degrading and nasty stuff on FB and everywhere else I encounter it. Inside my head I may present an argument for an opposing thought but I don’t voice it. Keep the waves of vitriol at bay I say………….some will say I’m a weinie for not putting it out there but I say, my life is so much more calm THIS way! LOL

    Hugs, Pam

    Liked by 1 person

    • If it was a civil discussion, it would be worth putting out an opinion, but it’s not. Instead of being accepted as having a different opinion you are ridiculed. I have retreated from a lot of things and have been explicit when in groups that I don’t want to talk politics or anything controversial (which these days may be how the toilet paper should feed off of the roll).

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