Own it! Or suffer the stink eye!

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Source: dumpaday

Source: dumpaday

I hate excuses. My mother never tolerated them. Not even mitigating circumstances. You did it, you own it. So what if you were double dog dared. If you are stupid enough to take that on, you deserve the consequences.

You base what you do on information from others. Things go south. You still have to own it. It teaches you lessons in loyalty, reasoning and your own gut. Most times it’s good to listen to your gut. But if it’s wrong, you own it.

Why is it so hard for someone to say “I was wrong?” That’s all. Offer an apology.

Instead we hear why they did what they did. Or worse. It’s never their fault. They were led by whatever. Or even worse, what we know is not what they did or said.

That discussion is great for root cause analysis but my Mom would call it excuses. She referred to it as flimsy excuses.

“What were you thinking?” Best to respond with “I wasn’t.” It helps if you hang your head a little. More realistic.

Any reference to a friend’s influence, negative energy encouraging you, or (egad) someone deliberately leading you astray, would end up in a stink eye.

You didn’t want a stink eye from my Mom. It was the worst. She didn’t need to do any other form of punishment. A stink eye was devastating.

I can only remember one time when I was grounded. There were extenuating circumstances (there always are). There were two paths to follow. I chose the one more traveled by idiots.

My Mom’s stink eye would be useful right now.

I've seen this one in my own home. Source: ifunny

I’ve seen this one in my own home. Source: ifunny

49 thoughts on “Own it! Or suffer the stink eye!”

  2. Pingback: Stink eye truths – 5 St*r C$SH

  3. You caused me to really think, Kate. I think I’ve grown so accustomed to hearing excuses that I don’t even notice any more, which isn’t necessarily a positive statement. It causes me to ask whether or not I tend towards offering “excuses” rather than just owning my mistakes or errors. I will be contemplating the questions for a bit. A good thing!

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    • My mother’s early training kicked in when I worked in Human Resources. Everyone has a sad story or can fabricate one quickly. I always had to get down to the facts and the rules. Everything else was an excuse.

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  4. Pingback: Stink eye truths – 5*CoachCloud

  5. As I think about it from your post, it literally took me nearly 35 years to finally stop being defensive and just start admitting to when I screwed up. As you say, just saying you weren’t thinking (or similar) really does make the whole thing go away faster. I watch my step-daughter go through machinations that are so familiar looking, and I do wonder how long it’ll take for her to understand the same thing. Great post, Kate. – Marty

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    • I saw it first in high school because kids are egged on my other kids. When I grew up parents weren’t so overprotective so if I did something there were consequences no matter who talked me into it. I saw it again when I worked. That was when I stopped believing anything people said. It was easier to say you got caught in traffic than you overslept. It didn’t matter. In the end you are late. You are right that it takes a while to get there. I didn’t work with my Mom but I clearly remember trying to explain to a supervisor why something got screwed up. After my long-winded story (mostly proving it wasn’t all my fault) he said “so you screwed up, right?” Aha moment for sure.

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  6. My Mom had an Olympic worthy stink eye and I have carried on the stink eye tradition! She also accepted no excuses and neither did the nuns at my Catholic grade school and high school. And talk about stink eye… you haven’t gotten the stink eye till you get it from a nun!

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  10. “I chose the one more traveled by idiots.” That is my new favorite quote. And I think R. Frost would love it too.
    With my mom, it wasn’t excuses, it was whining that she couldn’t bear.
    My question to you – what do you mean with “My Mom’s stink eye would be useful right now.” What happened?

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  11. I also hate the method some people use of attacking the person who caught them in the screw up. (Politicians use this one a lot.) There was a fellow at work who kept leaving his station to flirt with my assistant. They would stand and talk for fifteen minutes at a time. When I reminded him that we were on a time table and that I needed him to go back to his station so that my assistant could do her job, he exploded and took a screaming fit at me. A while later, a co-worker caught him hiding instead of doing his work. When the co-worker confronted him, he yelled back, “I don’t have to work to get paid!” I guess his hiding was a good thing. It was easier to work without him than work around him. I had to quit the job to take care of my parents, but I have to wonder how long it was before he got himself fired. He probably screamed obscenities at the boss on his way out.

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    • Hate those too. We had one guy who worked for us for 2 years then claimed he needed to work without lights. First we heard of any disorder. His supervisor caught him sleeping in the dark. He resigned the day before we were firing him. He had a story for every deadline he missed.

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  14. When I first started out in the work world, I would make excuses now and then because of my insecurity. I soon learned that it was better to fess up if something started to go south (whether or not it was anyone’s fault) and ask for help. That was something my bosses appreciated, and, later, I appreciated as a manager. My mom was a great giver of sink eyes too. It must be written in a mom manual somewhere.

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    • When something goes south because of someone else’s effect (like you weren’t given info on time for a report) it’s so easy to use excuses. It’s much easier, as you have found, to notify bosses beforehand that you don’t have what your need to meet deadline. All managers appreciate that.

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  15. Love the stink eye! My kids have accused me of having that look. We have some friends that we purposely tell them 1/2 hour before whatever the time is we really need to be somewhere because they are always late. I set all my clocks 10 minutes fast so I won’t be late. It usually works, even though I know they are fast. Yes, some accountability would be lovely to hear.

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  16. It’s become more and more common for politicians in our country to make false statements and keep repeating them than it is for them to say, “Oops. Sorry,” and change their ways. Changing your mind based on new information is now “flip-flopping” which is apparently far worse than saying, “I got new information and changed my mind.”

    Too darn bad. Lincoln didn’t start off as an anti-slavery politician, he evolved…into our greatest President.

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  19. When I worked in management, there was a woman who was always fifteen minutes late to work. She handled the switchboard, so it was important for her to be on time. Day after day, I’d hear excuses ranging from lame to completely unbelievable. My suggestion to her was to leave the house fifteen minutes earlier, but still, she was late. I don’t have the patience for people like that or to be a manager. I want perfect employees! Since that’s impossible, I no longer manage and I love my job.

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    • A long time ago I worked with a friend (fortunately I didn’t supervise her or I would have had to kill her). When we worked together she was always 15 minutes late. She had a half hour drive. She eventually quit and worked someplace 5 minutes from her home. Yep, you guessed. She was still 15 minutes late every day. There is no real excuse for chronic lateness.

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