I am always fascinated by people. They are crazy. Here are some things I saw last week at Starbucks.
I was in back of a car waiting in the drive through. You know how that works. You pull up a car length at a time. This guy turned his engine off every time he moved. Every. Single. Time. He was from out-of-state. I had no idea why he was doing it. We were moving along smoothly so it wasn’t to save gas or keep the engine cool.
When I pull into the area where Starbucks is located I can see the drive-through. I can clearly see how many cars are in line. There are two entrances. I can see cars coming from the other entrance. There is a three second blind spot. Three seconds! How do cars materialize out of nowhere. I will see two cars in line. By the time I pull around there are five. Where did they come from?
When people use their phones they usually hold it at steering wheel height. Lately I’ve been seeing people stare at their crotch. It’s kind of creepy. Don’t do it. You look like perv.
I have done extensive research on drive-through courtesy.
Time and money had been invested (by me) on very careful research. Nothing is too much for you my dear reader.
There were days when I went to Starbucks just so you can have the latest information. (I also have a bridge to sell….)
Here are some priceless nuggets of wisdom to make your visit enjoyable and uneventful.
Don’t dawdle! Drive crisply up to the order thingy and order. Do not stop three feet before it to fix your hair, lipstick, butt crack (thongs do that) or anything. If you want to check if your BFF wants something, park away from the drive-through and text her. Do not, I repeat, do not call her when you are at the order thingy. Bad things will happen and I may be jailed. I don’t look good in orange.
The lingo is complicated to the uninitiated. If you aren’t doing something simple and don’t know how to say it, go inside. There are pictures, descriptions and baristas more than willing to help you out. Even other customers (on a good day). On your next trip you will be experienced and know how to pull it all together. All the regulars will be impressed (and relieved).
Kids never know what they want. They like to look. Go inside with children unless they are getting chocolate milk. As a child I could never decide between blueberry, cherry or watermelon popsicles. Today’s children are the same. There isn’t that much evolution between us. (Then again there are days when I wonder…)
Be ready. Pulling up to the pick-up window does not signal the time to start looking for dropped change under your seat to pay for your order. It takes a lot of pennies to pay for a Starbucks drink. A lot.
If you want to go unnoticed drive a regular car — no vanity plates, no stickers. There are people I know by their stickers. What people plaster on their car can tell a story.
There is a family of five stick figures with a dog and cat. I even know what sports each child plays.
There is a soccer mom and she’s proud of it. Her car says so. Her child is also on the honor roll. She’s proud of that too.
One person travels. There are a gazillion destination stickers all over her mini-van. She’s been to Disney World, the South of the Border tourist stop (multiple times) and every state park in between.
Men have the fancy cars with vanity plates or a company vehicle.
Some company vehicles may say “bakery” or “exterminator” (no they are not “working” there, just getting their “joe”).
You have now graduated from Kate’s school of drive-through courtesy. If you are in front of me, you can pay for my coffee. Thank you and you’re welcome!