March is not just for basketball anymore.
I love a newspaper — the kind that comes on real paper. It has all those terrible stories about wars, murders, and deaths but it also has a light side.
It has a collection of nonsense articles that make me smile, laugh or totally disgust me.
Yesterday’s paper had an article on a new twist to March Madness. March is a big month for vasectomies.
In an attempt to compete with women for the title of multi-tasker of the year, many men choose March for a trim. They can recuperate with a big screen TV full of basketball games reworking their bracket challenge. In fact some urologists give coupons for free pizza and chicken wings with every snip.
I am not an expert on this topic. The neutered men in my life (except for my cat Jake) had it done under other management. That suits me just fine. Men are not good patients. They have no patience and expect the full-service of a 5-start hotel with an in-room concierge.
Jake was much easier. He spent a few days under the bed licking his nether regions but hey, he does that a lot anyway. He didn’t need a big screen TV nor did he order pizza and beer. He was thinking about those chicken wings though. Whatta cat!
I can’t help wondering who does these studies. I would love to be on a board selecting inane topics for research. I could come up with a few. I could also volunteer to collect information but not about vasectomies.
Salt – I’d like to know what percentage of people use salt on the rims of the margarita glass. This is important stuff. It could affect health care costs and we all know what a hot topic that is. I would travel around the country drinking margaritas and watching others who do. (Yeah, it’s a dirty job but it must be done…)
Peeps – Are you familiar with peeps? They are marshmallow balls in different shapes for different holidays totally covered in sugar. I want to know if anyone really likes them or they just buy them for decoration. My teeth hurt just looking at them.
Shampoo – Is there really any difference in shampoos? Does the $30 stuff clean better than the $4 stuff? What makes something cost more? Is the water more expensive in some locations? Will either one of them make my hair long and beautiful? These are all questions that need to be answered.
Those are my research suggestions for today. As for other tidbits of information from the newspaper, here is one of my favorites.
“They” are no longer sure if there is a connection between saturated fats and heart disease. For all of you who haven’t had bacon in two decades (except for you vegans of course) my condolences.
Break out the lard!