Letting go

Courtesy of bestclipartblog

Courtesy of bestclipartblog

Maybe it’s the season or the time of the year. Maybe it’s just me.

Lately I have been thinking of days gone by, other holidays and special people long gone.

I hate when this happens because there is a melancholy to it all. There is a sadness that I can’t explain. It hurts my heart.

I really miss some stuff and would do anything to enjoy it again. Sometimes the stuff is a person; sometimes it is just good times.

Sometimes the person isn’t dead, just not in my life anymore. Sometimes it’s a fun workplace that I really enjoyed and gave me a sense of community.

There are cycles. Friends cycle in because you have something in common. Maybe it is work related or you belong to something together. Then they cycle out because the bond breaks and the friendship didn’t stick. You are like Teflon and they slide off like a fried egg.

It’s true in the blogging world too. Some of the folks that started blogging with me no longer post. Some post less and some I don’t know about. They just disappear. Did they die? Did they get a life (although I can’t imagine anything more interesting than writing)?

I can remember vividly the sense of loss I felt when one of my early friends told me she was moving to New York City. It’s not that far away but it meant I wouldn’t see her every day.

We both promised to stay in touch and we did for while. For a long while but then….as it goes….life interfered.

Since then there have been many, many friends. Some I really wanted to hold onto but they slipped through my Teflon fingers. I don’t understand what happens.

It must be my fault. I didn’t dedicate the time. Or perhaps I didn’t have the patience.

I am coming up on the anniversaries of my parents’ deaths. They both died in January, 30 years apart. It has always put an extra bit of melancholy to January and added to the sense of loss that comes with the end of the holiday season. And yes, I miss them both.

Perhaps this is the time I should reflect and let go.

I should remember those friends and times fondly. Appreciate that we had the moment and then let go. Realistically there isn’t enough room to keep everyone, is there?

For those friends that I have now, let’s hang on.

Even if one of us moves.

Even if you don’t work with me anymore.

I promise I’ll be more patient…maybe — unless you are really boring. In that case it’s Sayonara Baby!


Special thanks to Nancy Hatch who inspired this post.

43 thoughts on “Letting go

  1. Sometimes I feel that way about Toastmasters – the friends and the belonging to something. I am so glad you visit my inbox.


  2. This made me cry. I’ve had so much loss, 2013 in particular…my hearing; two of my best friends that couldn’t deal with me losing it. You said your heart hurts…mine too. I miss them so much…both men…creative, smart…funny. One called me every day for 7 years at 10 a.m. the other often took me to lunch. If you ever told me they would abandon me, I would have laughed.

    Teflon…yes…I just hope I look good in it…could be the new poly-cotton for 2014. Nice post Kate…and so what if I cried.


  3. Taking time to reflect isn’t such a bad thing as long as it doesn’t interfere with you finding new things to enjoy. Some friendships morph and grow with you and some end. I don’t think it is anyone’s fault. It’s just a reminder to enjoy the moment.


  4. Reminds me of the song lyric, ‘time passages’. For what it’s worth, I have come to realize there is nothing unnatural about feelings of melancholy. It’s how we’re wired. The good news (?) is that like clouds, feelings come and go. The memories however, last forever. So in the meantime, Live long and prosper! Dan


  5. I do think there’s a timing too, when the friends we make are right for that stage of our lives… and then the energy changes, and we change or they change… and we have to let go… the bliss of life though, is that new friends do make themselves known…hope the sun shines soon for you Kate!


  6. I feel the melancholy some days too and mourn the loss of those I held dear, and wonder why some friends faded. Then yesterday an old close friend from high school asked to be my friend again on Facebook. And new friends have grown closer so we all laugh at once and enjoy our times together. I move forward even as I lament the losses of the past. Happy New Year Kate! Sun-shiny days lie ahead.


  7. I love this, Kate. What a perfect post for the time of year where we’re reflecting on our pasts and thinking about our future. I often think about the friends who have come in and out of my life. I have one friend who’s been around for 40 years and others for 30 years or so. I always think about those friends who were only there during a season, a particular job, class, etc. We didn’t stay in touch and that makes me sad. I’m fortunate to have both of my parents in the area and healthy, but there are time when I think about them not being here and I can’t breathe.


  8. Your post touched me on several levels. I lost my Mom in January (2001), and, yes I still miss her.

    Sad to say, friends do come and go. I’ve mourned that, too. About the sadness at this time of year, I think of the TV show, “Northern Exposure,” when it featured the Seasonal Disorder Syndrome. (I think that’s what it was.). As we’re exposed to less light, we tend to get more depressed. So, maybe, take the doctor’s orders (I’m not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV): get more exposure to sunlight (when you can find it during a wintry day) and get together with friends who bring joy to your life. Even if that get together is a virtual cup of coffee over a blog. Here’s to a wonderful 2014 to you and yours.


  9. “There is an appointed time for everything …” The passage from Ecclesiastes, a favorite of John Kennedy, sums it up. There’s a time to mourn our loss. (The depth of our love requires it.) But the mourning shouldn’t go on too long or keeping us from moving forward. There’s a natural ebb and flow to friendships. Some friends are lost forever; others surprise us, washing back in with the tide. At my 50th high school reunion, many long lost friends showed up. One generous classmate has helped us all keep in touch by email ever since.


  10. One thing we can’t do is take things personally. My mother used to say “If you don’t hear from someone, there’s got to be a logical explanation.” With patience, I learned many times she was right…a move, a personal bout with health or that of a family member, divorce, stuff. One dear friend from college lives in another city in another state. How wonderful it was to get her Christmas card confirming the feeling was mutual, “I’m so glad we have stayed in touch all these years.” although we do not see each other every year. Among the most gratifying re-connections have been when family members, old acquaintances, friends, bosses, co-workers (all of the above) have found my blog. A week ago, a Dutch cousin of my father who now lives in Canada, was moved to respond to a post I wrote about my father. She filled in a bit more of her perspective…what a happy connection. I called my husband who was out and about and my mother to let them know! Hang in there…when you least expect it…you may hear from “them.”


  11. With each year that goes by it seems easier to lose touch with people and harder to make new connections. Hmph.
    Looking forward to the hope of a new year. 8)


    • You are so right. I am not sure if we become more reluctant to make connections because we know they will go away or if there are less people who match up with our interests. In school it was so easy to have tons of friends.


  12. It looks like you and I are going through the same thing. I think the weather does that to us too, if it is cold and dreary outside for so long I notice I am thinking more about serious stuff. And when it is sunny, I am more positive.
    I hope your friends adjust their Teflon settings so they don’t slip away!


  13. I think that these kinds of anniversaries are just plain painful – and we bear witness to our losses acutely. I don’t think that people pass through our lives because of anything we did or didn’t do – I think that the cliche is true – some people are here for a season, others for a lifetime – all of whom for reasons and lessons that may not be ours at all. Hang in there Kate and may your parents memories always be a blessing.


  14. Ah, the cycle of life and friendship. You really nailed it and made me laugh with this great line: “You are like Teflon and they slide off like a fried egg.” Things come and go and people too. The ones that matter are always there whether we see them all the time or not. There’s something about knowing that the people we feel connected to are still in the world with us that is good…this way we never get sick of each other and have a voice who “gets us” when we need to hear it. Well, I feel for your melancholy…it too shall pass. It’s a wonder how a bright sun and warm air can fix our spirits. Today isn’t that day. Hang in there, Kate.


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