During my last downsizing clean out I realized that I have a secret talent. Hidden. No one knows. Mostly.
I am a collector. I am very good at it. Probably the best!
I don’t collect Hummel’s or Byers’ Choice or diamonds or rubies or anything of value. Lord knows I don’t collect money.
I don’t collect things that can be sold for thousands of dollars. When I die, my survivors will bring in a dumpster to dispose of my treasures.
I collect totally useless things.
You know what they are. You probably have some too. Somewhere. My useless things result from my fantasy lifestyle collection.
They are things that take a lot of space and you only need them every five years or so like roasters and serving pieces that you use when you have 60 people over for an intimate tête à tête. (Note to self – buy bigger house for intimate parties or get rid of roaster and skip the party.)
They are fancy (that means hard to clean) baking dishes that I know I would use every day if I had the carefree, up-scale life style that I used to think I would grow into. Think Giada de Laurentis – home on the beach, whipping up fabulous meals (in gorgeous cookware) for fabulous friends.
They are one-use kitchen gadgets necessary for these parties. However, I don’t remember what the one use was. I had a strawberry huller and a shrimp vein cleaner-outer. (Hey, you don’t want to eat those shrimp veins!)
They are books on cooking fancy dishes for that lifestyle. By the way, that lifestyle came with long, flowy caftans (which I never wear) and long fluffy hair (that I never had).
They are long flowy caftans in beautiful fabrics that drape and dance as you walk (if I don’t trip on all that fabric).
They are hair products that guarantee long fluffy hair. Really! (I am a gullible sop!)
Somehow, in my fantasy world, these items are necessary. The first thing I need to do is to throw out my fantasy or rather, replace it with a new one which doesn’t require shrimp cleaners and big serving pieces.
Perhaps normal friends and wiener roasts. You don’t need extra stuff for that.
I may keep the caftans. You never know when you need something flowy.