Collector of…um….well….fantasies (no, not that kind of fantasy!)

This luscious caftan is by Tory Burch!

This luscious caftan is by Tory Burch!

During my last downsizing clean out I realized that I have a secret talent. Hidden. No one knows. Mostly.

I am a collector. I am very good at it. Probably the best!

I don’t collect Hummel’s or Byers’ Choice or diamonds or rubies or anything of value. Lord knows I don’t collect money.

I don’t collect things that can be sold for thousands of dollars. When I die, my survivors will bring in a dumpster to dispose of my treasures.

I collect totally useless things.

You know what they are. You probably have some too. Somewhere. My useless things result from my fantasy lifestyle collection.

They are things that take a lot of space and you only need them every five years or so like roasters and serving pieces that you use when you have 60 people over for an intimate tête à tête. (Note to self – buy bigger house for intimate parties or get rid of roaster and skip the party.)

They are fancy (that means hard to clean) baking dishes that I know I would use every day if I had the carefree, up-scale life style that I used to think I would grow into. Think Giada de Laurentis – home on the beach, whipping up fabulous meals (in gorgeous cookware) for fabulous friends.

They are one-use kitchen gadgets necessary for these parties. However, I don’t remember what the one use was. I had a strawberry huller and a shrimp vein cleaner-outer. (Hey, you don’t want to eat those shrimp veins!)

They are books on cooking fancy dishes for that lifestyle. By the way, that lifestyle came with long, flowy caftans (which I never wear) and long fluffy hair (that I never had).

They are long flowy caftans in beautiful fabrics that drape and dance as you walk (if I don’t trip on all that fabric).

They are hair products that guarantee long fluffy hair. Really! (I am a gullible sop!)

Somehow, in my fantasy world, these items are necessary. The first thing I need to do is to throw out my fantasy or rather, replace it with a new one which doesn’t require shrimp cleaners and big serving pieces.

Perhaps normal friends and wiener roasts. You don’t need extra stuff for that.

I may keep the caftans. You never know when you need something flowy.

39 thoughts on “Collector of…um….well….fantasies (no, not that kind of fantasy!)

  1. Another very good one! I have been cleaning out, too. Recently got rid of tubs of fabric remnants. I told folks on a swap page that I’d have them at a certain location and they could come get what they wanted but they must leave the tubs. Worked great!

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  2. I don’t know what a shrimp vein cleaner is, but it sounds important. Everyone should have one of those! I have a jar opener that looks like a plastic lasso. Haven’t figured out how to use it yet, but I just know the idea was brilliant. 😀

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  3. Shoot…. I had bought into the dream. I could see myself sitting with you on the deck overlooking the ocean. We clinked our crystal goblets and sipped wine as we leaned our heads towards each other and tittered while watching the hunky, tanned surfers.

    Then you woke me up to a hot dog roast. Not as glamorous but I do love sitting around a fire with friends visiting too.

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  4. My husband collects popcorn poppers. Every time I turn around – pop!- there’s another one. I have quite a few art supplies that I will almost certainly use on some day that comes after today.

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  5. I’d hang on to the lovely, flowing caftans … and hire a caterer for that intimate tête à tête. I had fondue sets we never used, and many other gadgets whose names and uses have long since been forgotten. Thanks for reminding me, Kate, that I have some cleaning out of my own to do. 🙂

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  6. Guilty…but I came to terms, somewhat, about a year ago and sent a bunch of that stuff to the local auction house. Lightening my load also gave me legit reasons for no more of those parties (that I gave up having years ago). Great post…again!

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  7. I’ve got a drawerful of one-use kitchen gadgets, too! The problem is that I forget what half of them are for — argh!

    Music — I have way too many cds but I love them all 🙂

    MJ

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  8. Aren’t we just coming into caftan flowing season in NJ?
    And what’s better to eat in a caftan than shrimp cocktail . . . with hulled strawberries for dessert. :mrgreen:

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  9. I just cleaned out the upper cabinets in my kitchen and was ruthless…almost. Now I am going to do the bottom cabinets. I live by myself, don’t entertain, cook and bake just basic stuff. Why did I need 2 sets of dishes? And why do I have all these pots and pans? At least I don’t have much in the way of gadgets.

    I don’t think I can let go of my yarn and crochet books. I might try but I think I will need an intervention first.

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  10. I guess I am the same kind of collector you are because I still have enormous salad bowls for a party of 12, when we usually only feed 2 and maybe up to 6. Then there are at least 8 different platters (6 of them are never used), and 2 sets of flatwear (one kept for sentimental reasons), various other serving dishes and mechanical gadgets. Well, nothing like collections. 🙂

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  11. by the way, I do have ONE kitchen tool that is for a single purpose that I use all the time … my citrus peeler. that was one of those “gotta have it” purchases, and surprisingly, this one actually gets used on a regular basis … all that other stuff … well, it’s still in a box somewhere.

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    • My worst purchase was a garlic peeler. It was more work and a lot of trouble to clean. Now I smash them with the knife handle just like Rachel Ray says. I don’t have a citrus peeler…..

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  12. Having just moved into a new house, (exactly a month ago today), and still staring at piles of boxes, the realization is slowly creeping in that I’m pretty much out of storage space already, so whatever is still in all these boxes is pretty much going to have to end up living at someone else’s house. My house is all filled up already, and we’re not even counting all the stuff in boxes.

    I guess all my (never worked) brand new jigsaw puzzles, tons of crafting supplies, sewing notions and doodads, painting and drawing supplies, VHS video tapes (over a 100 of ’em), large-print Reader’s Digest Condensed books (three full boxes of those), large variety of board games (kinda hard to play them by myself), storage containers (how exactly does one person accumulate so many different kinds of bins and baskets), and apparently my favorite thing of all to collect … cleaning supplies (four boxes of all sorts of stuff) … well … guess all that stuff needs to go live somewhere else, because the cupboards at my house are all filled up.

    I even have boxes of boxes. I’m not kidding.

    You know how you think you’re going to need just the right size of box for a gift? Well, I have the full spectrum of sizes, just in case anyone needs that perfect box. My boxes are having baby boxes when the lights go out at night. I’m sure of it.

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  13. For those of us who are extra large and lovely, the caftan is a dreaded garment that somehow, magically, is going to make us look like we’re not wearing it to cover up all that extra loveliness. Unless you’re having a Maude party. Maude always looked good in a caftan. I guess Mrs. Roper wore them a lot too, and I have a cat named after her. Cat-tans? Give it some thought.

    Have a yard sale-people like me come along and take one look at the shrimp de-veiner thingy and just have to have it. If you want I can stand outside and hawk the stuff. I talk a pretty good game…

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  14. And caftans are essential for when the cat is nuts and darting everywhere and you simply must capture it by tossing a substitute net over it and wrapping it up because it’s an emergency and you have to shove the little darling into a traveling crate and leave right now now….
    beside – who want to throw away dreams…when the roaster – but not the flowing clothing!

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  15. Have you been spying on me? Come on now, tell the truth. I think you’ve been going through my stuff, not yours. ‘Fess up … 🙂 Just this morning I looked at the strawberry huller I have NEVER used and asked myself, “Why?”

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  16. I must say…I think your friends are fabulous!!!!  I may only be speaking for myself (or about myself) but we are a good group!  And for the “normal” friends that would enjoy hot dogs and potato salad….well, I think we fit in there too!!!!!   Sorry I missed your email last week.  We would have been delighted to join you.  Did Alice and Howard end up going?  And the most important thing…did you get what you ordered in a timely manner?

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  17. I collect craft things for all of the amazing things I’m going to make. . . one day. In my fantasy world I make Martha Stewart look like a preschooler! I have all sorts of odds and ends of fabrics, papers, paints and such. And of course don’t forgot all if the amazing tools that are needed for crafting. I also have a successful online jewelry line in my fantasy world, you should check it out. It maybe I can bring the collection to your next fabulous dinner party where we all wear flowing caftans!

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