I went to the doctor last week for my yearly routine “wellness” exam. Have you ever noticed that you feel better as soon as you make “the appointment?” All those little aches and pains that you want to ask about disappear.
A couple of weeks back, I had headaches. Since they are unusual for me I figured it was either a brain tumor or an aneurism. Then they went away. Same thing with some chest pains. Gone! By appointment time I was perfectly healthy.
I make notes so I can ask questions about symptoms I no long have just in case they come back. I find that aging does things to you besides wrinkles and sagging so I always want to be sure that whatever I have is normal…sort of.
All is good except for some digestion issues. The solution for that is more fiber. I told the doctor that I have a great diet full of healthy fruits and vegetables. He started twitching which I knew precedes bad news. Then he said those dreaded words…whole grains.
It seems that fruits and veggies don’t have the fiber content of whole grain stuff. I am all about healthy but a little whole grain goes a long way for me. Most of it tastes like cardboard or is dry or something. It doesn’t help to put it in muffins. It only ruins them!
I had a session with Mr. Google and dang! all my favorite foods have low fiber counts. I like beans but 10 of them will do me for the year. I like nuts but to get any fiber value I have to eat so many that it fulfills my fat and calorie allowance for the entire year.
The worst part is that chocolate wasn’t on the listing….at all. I wasn’t this depressed since I learned that someone put calories in oranges. By the way there isn’t much fiber in oranges either.
There is no fiber in margaritas, cookies, cakes or ice cream. What’s with that? None in meat either. I saw those cows chewing on grass. Where did it go?
Perhaps there is a supplement? Mr. Google looked that up for me and yes there are things to eat and drink just for fiber. The really odd thing is the warning on the labels.
Did you know that if you take this stuff you need to drink a lot of fluids or the fiber will turn into cement bricks inside your digestive track? That would require your proctologist to use a backhoe to get it out. Scary!
How would you make that appointment anyway? “Hello doc, I need an excavation in my drain pipe. When is the backhoe available?”
Perhaps they can inject it in my wrinkles instead!
In addition the side effects are identical to the problems for which I would be taking the fiber. Somehow that doesn’t compute in my brain. How would I know if I’m having “the problem” or “the side effects?” This is not funny stuff!
There are a few things I can do. I can eat a sweet potato, an artichoke and a bale of hay every day and I should be good to go (pun intended).
Clipart credits: grains by dreamstime from Google.
Views and Mews by Coffee Kat 
So, we can figure out an organic, dark chocolate, fiber bar that is creamy…..we would win a Nobel. 8)
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I’m on it!
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🙂
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When I hear the word ‘fiber’ I get all excited… cause I think ‘fiber arts’, fabric stores and quilting. (I count quilting as exercise.)
If you need recipes for that bale of hay check Pinterest, you can find ANYTHING
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there. (Note: Accidentally clicked post before done while watching Fons and Porter Quilting show. o.0)
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You are utterly hilarious. I’m shocked to find that margaritas don’t have any whole grain in them. That is very depressing indeed. Best I have one to get over the depression.
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I hear it helps!
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I take 2 Citrucel fiber pills a day and it seems to work for me. I tried the powder that you’re supposed to add to a glass of water but it tastes just awful.
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I’ll have to give you my recipe for homemade granola.,..my breakfast everyday. Plenty of fiber that doesn’t make you cranky! Fun post! ~Dawn
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Those supplements sound terrifying! How would that work anyway? I thought fiber was supposed to help clean out the digestive system, not clog it up.
How about whole wheat carrot cake? It’s cake, it’s fiber (I’m fairly sure?), it’s all good!
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Jen eats this stuff called sprouted grain bread. You may not like it at first because it doesn’t have the consistency of glue once you start chewing it the way white bread and many wheat breads do. But toast it, slap a piece of cheese on it, and see if you don’t love it.
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But Rumpy, I love glue! I do eat some artisan breads and I like them. I just don’t do them all the time. Our normal bread is an oatmeal bread but 1 slice is only 1 gram of fiber.
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I try to follow the healthy rules and when I do I am rewarded with…well, health. But then there are those times I rebel and then…there is internal rebellion. Healthy diets just get so boring! But plumbing problems are no fun. What a bother.
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My mother lived to be 75 and she had no idea what her cholesterol was. She wasn’t concerned about calcium or vitamin D or all those things that we are so neurotic about now. Her sister is 100 years old and all she has are eye issues. It’s a different time!
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You are too, funny. If only there is a pill for fibres, that will solve the problem. Have you tried eating all those Chinese leafy green veggies or chards or kale. Tons of fibres. Skip bean, that will be flatulence in the making. Remember your previous post? 😆
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The sad news is that leafy greens don’t have all that much fiber. Kale does if you eat a lot of it. No worries about the beans. I am not a bean eater (except for chocolate or coffee beans!)
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Hahahaha! I laugh with you my friend ….. at ALL of the above, except for the knowledge that chocolate does not contain fiber, this is when I cry with you.
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It’s just so wrong. It comes from a bean after all!
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Exactly!
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Kate, if we tried to keep up with the daily dose of everything we need … we’d be grazing all day. Now, if that included chocolate, I’d be all over that. Good luck to you in finding the perfect solution. I mostly keep to a Mediterranean diet – chicken, fish and veggies. With pasta on the side. And, the Juice Plus – veggie and fruit – supplements.
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Beans, you need to eat beans! And you are so right. I try to get enough calcium in my diet and I do eat healthy. This whole fiber thing is just crazy!
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Rolled hayway with laughter with this one. Almost dropped my daily dose of slow old fashion oatmeal on the constant bottle of water that is my companion.
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I hate water. That’s another issue!
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I used to, but then I got really sick. Had to change my ways
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Blahahahaha! This is a riot (ancient way of saying, “this is a very funny post”). You sound so much like I think. I mean, I am always looking for the perfect diet and never get enough fiber but refuse to take supplements. Woe is us. I think Nutella has fiber and I pretend it’s chocolate icing. Sometimes that works and I call it the art of self deception. 🙂
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Oh I remember the funny version of riot (no guns!). Nutella….hmmm…I didn’t look that one up. There must be fiber in there with the nuts and stuff!
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I wish you well with this more/better fiber diet. It sounds doable as long as you don’t plan on leaving your house (too much liquid + stuck in car) OR eating a meal in a restaurant (no whole grains in sight). Oh my! 😉
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We are going out for dinner tonight! I’ll have some salad (roughage you know but not the same as fiber!).
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