Jobs, jobs everywhere but not a one that fits

help wanted sign

Since I retired several job agencies and headhunters have gotten a hold of my name and email address and have been sending me job opportunities. People with names like Kimberly and Heather contact me weekly to offer all sorts of jobs.

My background is Human Resources, organizational development and training with a minor in anything administrative. I am much better at negotiating, organizing and directing than actually doing work that requires a high level of attention to detail (snooze) or being really nice to people (double snooze).

At the beginning of my work career, I thought I was doomed to work in a steno pool. (For you younguns, that is a room full of women who type on typewriters tethered to the wall using real paper with carbon paper copies. I know this is a very strange concept.)

Then I got lucky and someone noticed that I was better at overseeing work than I was at actually doing it. That’s not to say I am lazy. To the contrary, it is much harder to ensure the right people get the right work in a fair way. They also thought I had a way with people.

Yes, for those of you who know me, I know that is also a strange concept. I have ALWAYS loved animals better than people. What can I say? It happened and that misjudgment has made the world a better place.

One advantage to liking animals better is you never buy into people’s sad stupid stories. It was hard to hoodwink me. I don’t care about blended families there is no way someone can have 6 grandmothers die in 6 months. I was not having it!

Back to Kimberly – now that you know my background and my strengths, perhaps you can make sense out of the jobs that are sent my way. Lord knows, I can’t.

Community Support Staff, Weekend Shift – sounds like I might actually have to be nice to people on the weekend. Nope, that won’t work. Just ask the beloved husband. Being nice on the weekend is overtime work.

Group Leader, Payless Shoes – Now this one kind of makes sense. It must be a result of my shoe blogging. That or my name is on a shoe lovers watch list which I know the FBI counter-terrorist agency keeps. I may actually be good at this except that they would want me to sell the shoes instead of buy them.

Caregiver – This one may include touching body fluids. Ewww! That is a definite NO!

Lot Attendant, Car Dealership – I have received several emails about these kinds of jobs. Sometimes they call it Lot Greeter. That has more of a K-Mart ring to it. In any case you have to be willing to be out in the hot and cold weather (nope), be nice to people (really?) and upbeat about cars (those old rattletraps). Enough said!

Bilingual Community Support Staff – I am not sure what my second language is. Perhaps they have heard my pig Latin. I use it when I tell the beloved husband we are taking the cats to the veterinarian. At this point, I think even the cats understand pig Latin, at least when it comes to the vet. I did have two years of Spanish about 50 years ago. Oh yeah, I remember a lot. Cerveza, baño….umm….there must be other words…..

Groundman/Yard Jockey – Good grief! Just because I like gardening doesn’t mean I’d make a good yard jockey. Does that refer to riding equipment? Maybe I could do that. My biggest fear is that suntan line I would get at the top of my steel tipped work boots. Just wouldn’t look good with my snazzy sandals from Payless.

Lead Clinician –This is the latest one. It’s all about mental health. I’m not sure I have mental health let alone help others find it.

I am still holding out for my dream job of creating names for O.P.I. nail polish although I could do it for a paint company too. I’m not really that particular.

17 thoughts on “Jobs, jobs everywhere but not a one that fits

  1. This is so funny, Kate. I love the position at Payless shoes…I think that might be something you want to consider. You’ve shared your love of shoes publicly, and it would appear you’re being tracked for your potential expertise! 🙂 Now the lot attendant job isn’t you at all! 🙂

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  2. I think nail polish is waiting for you somewhere. In the meantime, I can see you at an information booth at an airport. You would be great at giving directions, as long as people then get on the plane and leave you alone.

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