Airline traveling is the worst! I get destination disease or travel anxiety. Call it what you will but I never feel well when I have to travel. I worry about everything from my diabetic cat to something eating the fish in my pond to my plane going nose down in a cornfield. That’s pretty heavy stuff to worry about. I probably should throw in world peace too.
Statistically, it’s safer than car travel – so they tell me. My analytical brother always tells me the best time to fly is after an airline accident. Everyone is on high alert. Right!
When traveling by car you can pull over and get out or stop at a local diner for food. It’s really tough to get a 747 to pull over so you can visit a cloud diner. Oh, that’s right! There are no diners in the clouds.
When I was younger, flying was more of an adventure. The food was ok and there were reasonably priced drinks and free snacks. On my recent trip the only thing free was some non-alcoholic drinks. If you asked for a soda, you got a little cup with about 4 ounces in it. What’s the point?
Lord help anyone who needs to use the bathroom. I am a small person and I have a hard time in those upright caskets. How does someone of substantial girth actually pee in there? How can they even see the hole? What if he has to….well, you know….he could get stuck. Those bathrooms always make me woozy.
Our airline required us to pay $50 for a single checked bag. For our short trip we could have done carry-on except for the 3 ounce rule. It’s discriminatory toward women who tend to carry more cosmetic items that don’t come in 3 ounce containers. In hindsight I should have gone out and purchased those little bottles and repackaged.
The seats are also designed by the same people who do toddler’s furniture. They use the same sizing too.
To make the trip easier for me I carry as many drugs as a pharmaceutical salesperson. I have Xanax in case I get very anxious, anti-diarrhea meds in case of, well, you know, Tylenol for other aches or pains, vitamins to keep me healthy and salty snacks to keep me sane. Everything works except the salty snacks. Keep in mind that I am normally a healthy person!
This trip was made special by four toddlers who sat directly in front of us, all under age four. Three of them never made a peep. The fourth screeched almost the entire trip including the baggage claim wait. It was the worst noise I have ever heard – worse than chalk on a blackboard but the really bad part was that was we couldn’t get away from it.
The beloved husband, who raised triplets, was not very sympathetic. He was suggesting they use nitrous oxide to calm the child down. I was thinking that perhaps if the parents didn’t want to do that, the rest of us could use the nitrous oxide to calm us down. Either way would work for me. You can always depend on him for great ideas under pressure.
I keep thinking that soon there will be a better way to get from here to there. Beam me up Scotty! I am so ready!
Clipart credits: airplay by travel-babel.com; crying baby by fiolex.com