Scary invitations with happy endings, sort of!

Courtesy of iliketomoveit

There is nothing that strikes fear in an over-60 woman like a small invitation in the mail. You jiggle it hoping it’s a coupon from Chico’s but you know it’s not. You turn it over and over in your hand trying to figure out who is doing something that warrants an invitation. Secretly you are hoping that it’s for a barbecue except that it’s January.

With great trepidation you open it. OH NO! It’s a baby shower!  Please Lord, I’ll be good….don’t make me go!!!! I’ll get a root canal instead!

It doesn’t matter that you really like the mother-to-be. She will be a great mom. The thought of selecting a baby gift and spending several hours oo-ing and ah-ing diapers, bibs and such is totally lost on me. Oh, yes, all this goes on without margaritas and chocolate. That is just wrong!

Nonetheless, I planned to attend the baby shower. My niece Anita, her three grown daughters and my sister-in-law were also going to be there. They are fun people and I like to spend time with them.

My sister-in-law Betty is 81 but a very young 81 except when she thinks her age will allow her to get out of something. We rarely let that happen. Heart attack symptoms that mysteriously pop up will not exempt her from attending. I picked her up just to be sure.

Anita was beside herself because it was scheduled for Super Bowl Sunday. She is one of the biggest football fans ever. Most of her emails revolving around the details ended with a sentence like….I can’t believe this is on Super Bowl Sunday!

Courtesy of JewelStar via Flickr

Her three daughters were there looking gorgeous – hot roach-killer shoes, bouncy curls and enough jewelry to warrant a professional heist. No, we don’t live in New Jersey with Snooki! They are just young and gorgeous!

I did my best. I wore my new hot boots. Well, they are old lady hot. I knew my feet would most likely be unhappy but damn they looked good!

I needed a gift. The bride was registered. I printed out a five-page list and went to the store. I started to get hives and feel a bit woozy. This isn’t real shopping! I never had children (oops, it was on my to-do list!) so most of this stuff is foreign to me. Oh dear, what exactly is a nipple protector? What is a onesy?

The staff was not really helpful. Someone tries to tell me a mattress pad is a bed sheet. I may not be very savvy when it comes to babies but I know the difference between a mattress pad and a bed sheet! The mother wants natural, organic stuff. I am not sure what that means when it comes to baby things.

Too late in the game, Anita tells me I could have ordered on-line and had it delivered. That would have solved the hives/woozy problem. I purchased a gift certificate – right color, right size! We don’t know the sex of the child so maybe this will give the poor critter something to wear that isn’t yellow or green.

On the long drive to the shower location, it occurred to me that I hadn’t eaten anything except my Starbucks mocha latte. Oh, oh. Shower is at 1 p.m. Despite my pitiful pleas, Anita, who drove this motley group, would not stop for a pizza. This certainly explains why her beloved Steelers didn’t make the Super Bowl.

Walking in the hall, I was struck by the estrogen in the room. I hadn’t been around this much hormone since I stopped working. Wow! I was thankful for my hot boots! Another niece (also gorgeous!) was now a redhead. She has hair halfway down her back and it was now red!

Courtesy of skunks via Flickr

As luck would have it, they served food first! Yay! There was no keg, no wine box, nor was there any spiked punch but there was periogi casserole. I was expecting a long afternoon.

It wasn’t. Just being with family was fun. I got to see some relatives I rarely see. I know what a onesy is. They didn’t make me play any weird games. The afternoon was lovely…..and yes, we got home in time for Anita to see the entire Super Bowl. However, all that won’t change the fear and trepidation I will feel when I get another little invitation in the mail.

23 thoughts on “Scary invitations with happy endings, sort of!

  1. I just mail a present (or hand it to them the next time I see them) and make an excuse. Showers are boring. So very, very boring. So I just don’t go!


  2. Pingback: Weird mews | Ajaygoud

  3. I don’t mind going to baby showers, but usually I politely excuse myself when they start opening gifts. There is one type of these parties, however, that really bugs me. I hate getting invited to bridal showers, baby showers, and graduation parties for people that I’ve only met once or twice. I can’t help but suspect that they just want to trade some chips and a piece of cake for an expensive gift or an envelope with money. I’ve actually gotten invitations from people that I barely know, that requested that I bring a covered dish! Not only do they just want me there for the gift, but they want me to help with the food!


    • The gift opening seems to be the part that most would prefer to skip. I don’t go to showers unless I am friends with the target person or they are the spouse of a friend or relative. The only showers that asked for a covered dish were the ones at work. With my crazy work schedule, I usually wasn’t available. Does chips and salsa count as a covered dish?


  4. Worse than attending a baby shower: planning a baby shower. Try putting together an event in which you know going into it that most people don’t want to be there, but you still have the pressure of making the mom-to-be so happy that she cries. Tall order.


  5. This was a timely reminder! My daughter and I are all excited to be giving my niece a baby shower sometime this summer…it’s my niece, so I’m thrilled. But most of the time I feel much more like you do, and so now I’m torn. How to throw a baby shower and not have everyone else exchanging grumbling emails! A tall order, I think! And I would really like to see your boots. Good for you! Debra


    • Some tips from me would be to serve food earlier rather than later. Of course, I’d like a nice foo-foo drink too but that’s really not necessary (or it can be non-alcoholic). The boring part is the opening of the gifts. If you can have some fun stuff going on while that happens (believe me…no one cares what the gifts are except the mother-to-be) you are gold. Having it in the summer may be a plus. You can make it a barbecue or maybe include the men.


  6. I”m with you,Kate. Showers of any kind make my blood run cold but the baby ones are the worst. I love your line about not having put having a baby on your to do list. I kept it off mine too…I hope my friends are grateful I never tortured them with either a shower or that gift buying. Alas, I think some of them really dig that stuff. Oh well…


  7. I feel the same way you do when I see one of those invitations in the mail. I have no idea what baby stuff to get and I refuse to buy someone a breast pump as a gift -even if it is on their list. I’m more comfortable shopping in a pet store for a new kitten than I am shopping for a baby in Babies-R-Us.


  8. I am still recovering from the last bridal shower I went to. We had to do a game that consisted of grasping an enormous cucumber between our thighs and passing it from one person to another while we stood in a large circle. I am still having PTSD about that one!


    • I am speechless! I was worrying about name games like we played at the old Tupperware parties. Hi, I’m Kate, K for kangaroo and this is Carol, C for cat. That kind of game. I never heard of the….ummmm….cucumber game.


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