Courtesy of Lonewolf via Flickr

Throughout my life, I have enjoyed most of my jobs. When I didn’t enjoy them, I moved on. No point in wasting time in boring jobs unless there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Over the past ten years or so, there is a job that I have wanted – not enough to work at it, but enough to fantasize about it.

I want to work for O.P.I. For those of you who are not familiar with O.P.I., this is a nail polish company. I want to be in charge of naming colors. Can you imagine how cool that would be? The colors that I own are Bogota Blackberry and Mother House Rose, tame in comparison to some. The names are so creative. They offer “suites” of colors like the Pirates of the Caribbean shades – “Sparrow Me The Drama” and “Planks a Lot” and the Muppets – “Warm and Fozzie,” “ Excuse Moi!” and “Divine Swine.”

Sometimes they use an alliteration (all the words start with the same letter) or “before and after” (a word or phrase that uses the last word to start another word or phrase like “French Quarter for Your Thoughts” from their Touring America collection). Sometimes it’s a play on words (“The Thrill of Brazil,” “Do You Think I’m Texy” and “Bastille My Heart.”)

The first suite I would create would be the Mama Nature edition with “Squirrely Nuts to You” (a soft mocha shade), “Yummy Groundhog Gardens” (a delightful shade of green), “Chippy Treats” (a color that would look very similar to the cherry tomatoes they steal) and of course, “Deerly Beloved” (the color I see when the deer are munching on my shrubs).

Courtesy of mskatee22 via Flickr

I could do an Audubon selection:

• Sparrow My Berries
• Gold Fincher
• Cardinal Sin City
• Warble My Marbles 

The other creative job is naming bar drinks – Bahama Mama, Sex on the Beach, Nutty Irishman, A-Rang-A-Tang, Hack-A-Lugie (really?), SLUT (a very tasty looking drink) — I could go on and on. (If any of these sound exciting, you can get recipes at http://www.drinknation.com.)

Personally, I like the fruity weaker variety but I could name anything.

 I wonder if there is a need for a professional namer???