Not again!

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This is a true story.

I had another one of those nights. You know how it goes. You wake up because something sort of hurts. You overanalyze it and at the end you are sure it’s something fatal.

In my case my lower back hurt. It could have been as simple as a sleeping position but  I assumed it was my colon. It didn’t take long to assume I had stage 5 (is there really a 5?) colon cancer and would be dead by morning.

The rest of the night was spent staring at the ceiling reviewing my life. Who would take care of my cats. I must write detailed feeding instructions or else they would starve.

Does my husband know how to access my life insurance policy? I must make sure I have that information available.

It literally was a list of stuff to do before I die. Write an obit. Take a good picture so they don’t use my high school picture. (That’s a big thing here. If not the high school graduation picture, a wedding picture. You read the obit to find out the person was 90 yet the picture is of a 20-year-old!)

Somewhere between cleaning out the fridge and buying a new cat bed, I fell asleep. When I woke up, nothing hurt. I remembered the night and wondered what brought all that on. Something I ate for supper? A weird movie? Alien abduction?

It will forever be a mystery! The silver lining is I have a “before I die to do” list.

38 thoughts on “Not again!”

  1. There are no darker thoughts than the ones thought of in the middle of the night, I have found! I don’t know why that is and now I usually don’t give them much weight. Thankfully they will evaporate with the rising of the sun. I figure if I still worry about whatever was bothering me in the wee hours once daylight arrives perhaps they deserve my attention, otherwise BEGONE!

    Deb

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  2. I don’t know how I sleep sometimes – I always wake up in a fetal position which is not terribly comfortable when you are 5′ 9″ tall. The litany of things you think about when you are awake but it’s quiet and dark. Well you’re lucky that phantom pain disappeared and there’s no need for concern.

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  3. Getting older sucks. I definitely have those nights and yet I still haven’t gotten my will done! Things usually look better in the morning and my motivation to follow through on my list wanes.

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  5. Anxiety brought that on. I get it from time to time. A small toothe ache is a root canal or a tooth being pulled in my mind. I hate it. But it does keep me well prepared for things, I must say.

    It passes and I sometimes follow through on my to do list. I take a B-12, cut back a tad on caffiene. That doesn’t last too long as I love my coffee. And then it all happens again down the road. I’m glad you finally got some sleep and are pain free!! And I love that the kitties are on your priority list. It really shows how kind and loving you are. God bless and stay well.

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    • Me too! If it bothers me after two weeks, I’ll go get it checked but most times it goes away in less time and I never know what it was. I don’t need nocturnal dissertations from my body!

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  11. I’ve been thinking about the dying stuff but I haven’t done any of the stuff that neefs to be done. I have told a friend he can have my condo but only if he keeps and cares for the cats. I do need to take care ofthe legal stuff. I keep thinking I’ll do it tomorrow. 😼

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    • Tomorrow sounds good! My mom did it 3 weeks before she died and only because I badgered her and wrote it down myself. We had neighbors sign it as witnesses as she was too ill to go to an attorney.

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  12. LOL, I do that also. Except I already wrote my obituary and it’s on the desk top of the computer. What are the odds the husband never finds it? Probably the same as him remembering to give the pets water. I just came back from a trip and all the bowls were empty.

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  15. Forgive me for confessing this BUT I laughed myself silly reading this HOWEVER I have done this……more than once……I always feel just a little silly the next morning BUT I still will have faced solving a few problems through the “angst procedure” of lying there in the dark! Right? In the end you DID come up with a “before I die” list and that was useful. However, we’d all rather SLEEP than have our brains working overtime on “what if stuff”…..! HUGS – I sooooooo understand.

    Pam

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  16. I grew up with many unnatural fears as a kid, but was rescued out of it all by God’s good grace. We are meant to live with faith and hope, love, joy and peace, and to never give way to fear. Once we truly “get” that, we can boot out fear for good. So glad you upped your ‘to do’ list!

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