Times they are a-changin’

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Bob Dylan had that right!

Source: humblicious.blogspot

When I was young, I embraced change. Most times it meant a better way, quicker and easier or something good. These days, I’m not so sure.

I’m not the target age anymore. Movies, TV and even clothes are aimed to please a younger crowd. We need find that sweet spot between new stuff and old ways that makes us happy.

When we started looking for a house to downsize, I wanted it within easy access to my gym, favorite shopping places and walking routes (and yes, a Starbucks!). It was a struggle. It took us a good five years to find our “perfect” place.

All that angst and searching was in vain. Before I moved, the nearby gyms closed permanently. A major mall (with indoor walking) went into disrepair with the “good” stores closing and the ones remaining cutting back on inventory. Bottom line, I had wasted my time being spot specific. My old routines have gone the way of the dinosaur. I made new ones. (Thank God for my Starbucks store! A round of mochas please!)

Even friends changed. Some died and others developed limiting health issues. All day shopping trips are out of the question (even for me, the all-time best shopper). I’ve lost both interest and energy. I’m grateful for the friendships I have that are easy and without drama. I’m not big on drama anymore. Fortunately, at this stage I don’t have friends with “couple” issues requiring exhausting conversations which change nothing. Most discussions revolve around health and mobility (and maybe recent deaths). Even grandkids are adults!

Interests like gardening have changed too. Before I plant anything I look at the “work” involved. When we did a border planting a few years back. I vetoed most of the pretty perennials the landscaper wanted to put in. They need to be dead-headed and cut back. Too many and it becomes a big chore.  As it is, I regret putting any in. I like nice flowering shrubs that don’t ask for much. I keep my flowers on the deck and at the front door area where I can see them all the time.

My much younger naïve self did not envision these things. I wasn’t realistic about aging at all. Wrinkles are the least of the issues. I would gladly accept a few wrinkles in exchange for a bump up of energy.

It’s not all bad. I’ve had time to research my ancestry which is something I wanted to do for a long time (but was too busy cutting back perennials) and I took up Mahjong. The latter was a surprise as I’m not a card player. Maybe it’s a combination of the game (which requires brain work) and the companionship of similarly aged women. It’s also low stress to host. We take turns. The hostess provides a dish of something (my go-to is pretzels) and a table with 4 chairs. Everyone brings their own drink. Easy peasy.

My niece (who is a few years younger than me) told me recently, “aging sucks” but there isn’t a good alternative. Old habits and routines have morphed into new habits and routines. Some better and some not. Getting up on the right side of the ground each day is a good thing and I rejoice in that.

 

52 thoughts on “Times they are a-changin’”

  1. I’m getting there as well. I used to always want to be going places and doing things. I still kind of do, but not at the pace I used to. Adjusting activities and interests is an interesting process!

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  3. Ohhhhh, Kate! I can relate! Change has never been difficult for me (perhaps because I grew up with “military brats” that prompted constant change in friendships. However, I have a GREAT appreciation for doing things in my senior years that did not capture my interest in my early years. Love the blog and look forward to more from you!

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    • My energy is lower than I expected but I’m pretty ok with my life otherwise. There is a season for everything. This is my sedentary season (coupled with brisk walking!).

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  6. I feel the same way energy-wise Kate at age 67 1/2. A lot of it is my job – it is boring and I’m burned out bigtime. There is no joy in it and I gave my boss six months notice the end of June that I was leaving at year end and he has sat on his hands about hiring a replacement. I then consented to the end of February 2024 as we are losing our lease (new landlord wants our suite after 20 years) for the transition and because he’ll be on vacation in Hawaii part of the time, but that’s it. He has now decided he’ll do his own work, so I’ve been tutoring him on the phone how to use Word … he will not be doing his own work, trust me. He wants to “die with his boots on” like his father – he will be 77 in March. I feel weary even before I begin work … perhaps a mindset at work since I have energy to do the things I like on weekends. As I contemplate my backyard after the fire, trees and burned debris removal, more and more it is looking like grass will replace the mess as I don’t want to spend endless hours messing around in the garden and with climate change, it’s just too risky to make large investments in bushes and flowers to have them die like I lost my entire perennial garden back in 2013-2014 and the Polar Vortex.

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    • Yay for your upcoming retirement. Your boss may slow down when he does everything himself. I remember working with some guys in the 70s. They spent a good part of their day chatting to whomever they could corner. I think they viewed work as their social outing for many reasons. Some had ill wives or no wife at home.

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      • Yes, I am excited Kate. I know there will be some arguments as the time nears as he can be whiny and petulant. He is not referring to my leaving as “retirement” but “your impending absence” or “your sunset” … this is a labor attorney for management speaking this way BTW. He is not ready to do things on his own at all and there are other issues. He was diagnosed with Mild Cognitive Impairment in 2017 and it has gotten worse. I can see that from afar as I have access to his e-mail and of course I see his work product on a daily basis. I have worked for him for 23 years, the last 12 from my home – I have not seen my boss since 2012. He scans in all the work to be done, all which he handwrites, then handwrites any edits after documents are typed. Since it is just the two of us, it is a rather dicey situation. We left a firm to go out on our own. Our tenant left this Summer, so he is not an option to share office space and my boss does not want to join a firm after being a solo practitioner since 2003.

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  9. Boy, you hit the nail on the head for me. I’ve really been struggling with accepting aging. I know I have no choice, but in sharing something personal here, I’m having emotional issues over it. Your niece is so right about how it sucks, but there isn’t a good alternative. It reminds me of a song called Harmony Hall, where in the refrain it says, “I don’t wanna live like this, but I don’t wanna die.” 😕

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  10. I’ll second almost every one of your sentences. I, knock on wood, have fairly good energy on most days. Of course, that means I’m good for half a day of physical labor versus the old full day. 🙂 I avoid friends with drama like the plague, and I’d also add needy friends. I have to make family members come first with their needs. Good post!

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    • Thanks! Second on needy friends. I’m good for 2 hours of physical labor! When I garden longer than that I start to develop respiratory stuff. I swear I’m allergic to working outside these days.

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  11. Obviously I KNEW I would age but I didn’t know it would be so – well – “all encompassing” to go through. Body changes, brain changes, idea changes, likes and dislikes changes…..it’s a process we all go through but we come out on the other side (hopefully) OURSELVES but a little older. LOL I do find that I give more thought to my activities every day – asking do I REALLY need to do this???? Well as you say – we’re on the right side of the dirt and THAT is a big deal!

    Hugs, Pam

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    • I know! Food likes! There is food I loved but it doesn’t get me excited anymore. Some I can’t tolerate anymore. So many changes! I still love cats though.

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  12. I’m right there with you, I have much less energy than I did even 5 years ago. Part of it is physical aging and part of it is realizing my interests have changed, leaning more toward the sedentary than they used to be. Good or bad, I dunno. Just know that it is.

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    • Energy has a lot to do with it. I don’t have the energy for gardening so it loses interest for me. Getting people to take care of it is both $$ and hard to find. Suddenly playing mahjong once a week is a lot more fun than pulling weeds. Also since I don’t really have anywhere to wear anything other than comfy casual wear I have no interest in shopping. Even my shoe interest is dwindling (wish my Mom was here to hear that!). Now my purchases are 99% sneakers! (I do have snazzy sneakers!)

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  13. At first I rather enjoyed the anonymity of being older, the invisibility was fun. Now it just underscores a lack of being considered as a still viable and valuable part of the world at least in this country where youth is the pillar of all that’s positive. Sigh.

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    • I’ve gotten used to the invisibility but it was a shocker when it started. I was “hey yo! didn’t you see me?” Now I’m “whatev!” I agree that we older folks don’t get the respect we deserve. We’ve done a lot in our lives and have valuable experience.

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  14. I still have “high energy” days mixed in with the LOW ENERGY days. I try to take advantage of them when they appear on the horizon.

    This week has been good ~ cranking away on my To Do List to the point that I’m WOW’ed with what I’ve gotten done.

    Tomorrow, I’ll crash. 😀

    Glad you found Mahjong ~ I feel the same way about Bridge. Just the right amount of socializing without Full Scale Hostessing Obligations.

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    • Compared to my peers, I feel like my energy is lower although maybe I don’t see them on their low energy days. My next door neighbor, same age, is out most days working in her yard (which is beautiful). I don’t have the desire or the energy it would take. I often wonder if she has low energy days. I also wonder what her secret is.

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      • Are you familiar with Spoon Theory (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoon_theory)? Whenever I talk about it I explain it in terms of money since I think that’s more relatable and it’s easier to understand something taking 50cents rather than half a spoon. Perhaps your neighbor budgets her daily energy to do the yard stuff because it’s most important to her.

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        • That was interesting. I remember when I had fractured my kneecap. It took a lot of energy to get from upstairs to downstairs. I would be sure to take everything downstairs with me that I needed for the entire day because a second trip would take more energy than I had. It’s a difficult concept to explain to someone who is young and healthy.

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  16. The lack of energy is the thing I like least about this aging process. I started ‘sorting’ through the people in my life when I turned 60, and while people I would honestly call “friends” don’t total up to a big amount, I’ve weeded out – or at least pushed to the very edge of my spectrum – anyone with displays of drama. I’ve learned that, while I can’t blame them for being what (who) they are, I don’t have to participate in those moments.

    I remember when your world, in addition to the cats, was all about flowers and gardening. For your own well-being, I’m glad you cut back on that. And also, since the only place I enjoy shopping is at the grocery store and almost everything can be bought with the great convenience of online shopping, I don’t feel bad about not supporting those retailers, because I never supported them.

    FYI, the latest I read, as of this morning, from a national weather source, we are allegedly going to have a winter season with minimum snowfall. That means you shouldn’t have any problems making your way to Starbucks all winter!

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    • Good news about my coffee run! 🙂 Even my cats can be exhausting. I’ve made a mental note that I won’t replace as I lose them. I’ll always have one or two but maybe not four. Found a lump on Sasha so that has sucked a bit of energy out of me. I have to take her to get it checked out.

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  17. Amen for friendships that don’t involve lots of drama. My tolerance for lots of drama has dropped a whole lot in recent years. I’ve done enough drama in this life so far, no more needed!

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  18. The loss of energy is extraordinary, isn’t it? I’m heading toward middle age (actually, I am probably already there but in denial) and I cannot get over how much energy I had when I was younger: multiple workouts a day, dancing for hours every night and on weekends, etc. All while working 60 hours a week. Now I crash by 9 PM. I walk 2 miles a day and do yoga and I’m tired!

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  19. Oh thanks so much for the confirmation. So identify: wanting no drama, low maintenance landscape with pots of seasonal color, and places you moved to be near leaving or changing beyond recognition?
    The ones who manage to stay happy (-happy-ish even) with a bit of energy are the ones who have always been able to root on with “Well, that was then (which was enjoyable) and this is now – which is a great adventure to explore and adapt.”
    Easy – with a bit of humor is good.
    Great post

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