Holiday Eating Tips

Source: Brooklyn Reading Works

Source: Brooklyn Reading Works

When I worked, the following list would circulate right before the company luncheon. It’s an oldie but it always makes me smile. Have a fun and safe New Year’s!

Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.

Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It’s rare. You cannot find it any other time of the year. Drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think.

If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a holiday party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.

Same for pies. Apple, pumpkin, mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

30 thoughts on “Holiday Eating Tips

  1. Darn, I didn’t see this post until today, January 2. I think I ate a few carrots and actually did some exercise now and then. Fortunately, we still have some eggnog in the fridge (with enough booze in it to stay preserved for awhile). My holidays don’t officially end until after early January when I celebrate my birthday so I have more time to indulge!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ack! I ran five miles this morning…please don’t hate me, Kate. 🙂 I’m breaking all of your rules. I have carrots on our veggie platter. As for fruitcake, I’m with you girlfriend! Happy New Year to you and your family.


  3. I loved this list and could make it a standard to live by! But, after tomorrow, or maybe January 5, (when I see the Dr.) I will have to find a new list to do! Until then, it is a party with my dear, dear friends.


  4. I’m chuckling as I sit here eating a salted almond chocolate bar (Christmas gift from my brother) and wondering where my next calorie-laden snack will come from. What? I’ll have to wait until Valentine’s Day. How cruel.

    Wishing you, your hubby, and all your kitties a very Happy New Year. See you on the flip side. 😉


  5. My favorite:

    Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a holiday party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?


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