My memoirs in a drawer

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courtesy of foothillspta.org

courtesy of foothillspta.org

A lot of people make a big deal out of writing their memoirs. They spend years outlining. Sometimes they try to give it a different ending or perhaps just a glamorous twist.  Then it’s called fiction.

Sometimes they hire a ghost writer to help. It’s easier to focus on enjoying life outrageously and let someone else memorialize it! Of course, then you don’t get the money.

If I ever decide to write one, I would open my drawers and listen to the stories.

This week I was looking for something and decided to clean out my bathroom drawer. It accumulates samples and all sorts of potions guaranteed (GUARANTEED) to make me look younger. This particular drawer is the one I use every day.

So what did I find? A lot of outdated stuff. Remnants from a really bad cold in 2000. My last sty was around the same time too. There were meds from the time I was bombed by a tribe of wasps and a batch of poison ivy goo.

There were things I don’t use anymore and some things I couldn’t figure out what they were for.

There was a lip cream. I remember buying that. It was from a mail order company and it was supposed to stop those pesky lines on your lips that bleed the lipstick. I used it once but I remember that time well. It was in 2006 and I wore it to a formal dinner. You know the kind with long dresses and pantyhose. Do people still wear those? I have them in case I get invited to another formal.

I was representing my company along with three other employees. It was in nearby Philadelphia and it was wonderful until I got into a ruckus with the bartender. He kept telling me that a Malibu bay breeze was a cosmos. I may be a hick but I know my foofoo drinks.

Still not interesting enough for a memoir?

Let’s move to my closet. I found my old surgical bra there. I had to wear that while I had treatments for breast cancer. It was the most uncomfortable undergarment I ever wore but it brought back enough memories for a couple of chapters.

I spent the better part of four months whipping out my boob for anyone in a white coat whether they wanted to see it or not. One of them may have been a dental technician. Or maybe it was the butcher. Hard to say.

I had some really great doctors but my radiologist was squirrelly. Seriously squirrelly. “They” say he was brilliant but he couldn’t relate to people at all. After I finished treatment he moved to Long Island so he could be near his boat. Hope it wasn’t anything I said. Perhaps if I would have had a bushy tail and ate acorns…..

My shoes could fill several volumes. Each pair has a story. Some stories are short – “really dumb purchase, I was caught in a fantasy” or maybe it would just have a title like “bunion cruncher.” But some shoes can tell tales about the places they’ve been and the things they have done. Woo hoo!

Now these stories would sell! (Did you ever notice how you always wear the same shoes for adventures? Maybe they are comfortable! Or maybe they are sexier! Or maybe they are red…… Cowabunga!)

You can tell a lot about a person by what’s in their drawers (and how old the stuff is). What stories are hidden in your drawers?

22 thoughts on “My memoirs in a drawer”

  1. I loved this line about the source of inspiration for a memoir: “… I would open my drawers and listen to the stories.” I think you’ve found the mother load! Fun post.

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    • A lot of people have interesting stories trapped in the long term memory. Coaxing them out can be a challenge. Drawer contents speak volumes along with attics and other storage area.

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  3. I’m still hanging on to the panty hose, too! (Remnants of a last night out with an old boyfriend.) As well as some long john’s (a trip to northern China in winter) and several pairs of underwear that have lost all their elastic (plain old boring use)…

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  4. My drawers are like Fibber McGee and Molly’s closet. Who knows what will spring out when the drawer is opened? Thanks for the chuckles, Kate. Now, I gotta go and organize those drawers. 🙂

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  6. I have trouble throwing out clothes that have special memories, no matter how outdated and small they are. They litter my drawers and my closet. My first pair of Gloria Vanderbuilt jeans, the top I was wearing the first time Hubby kissed me, a pair of pajamas my mom bought me one year for Christmas…..sigh…..and oh so much more!

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    • Wonderful stories. Maybe if you wrote them down you could part with the stuff. I had a pair of size 0 jeans that I wore on a significant date. I kept them for years after I moved up (sizewise).

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  7. Knitting needles and pins. Lots and lots of both. Jungian analysts will have a field day with that, but they’ll be wrong because there is a logical explanation…. (but they’ll have to figure it out for themselves; I’m not spilling).

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  8. So funny, I had a similar experience with a bathroom drawer just the other day, right down to the “compression garment” from my last surgery. The remains of battle! BTW, I’m impressed with your ability to whip out your boob for the butcher and/or dental technician. I didn’t take advantage of that when I could have. Another missed opportunity I guess.

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    • I am terrified to throw the thing out. It’s like a talisman. As long as I have it, I won’t need it again. Or something like that. I am very disappointed that with all of your humor you weren’t bouncing your puppies especially the new ones!

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  9. I think my drawers might indicate I have hoarding tendencies. I don’t do it on purpose, but like you, I tuck things into the drawers and forget about them. Thanks for the reminder, cleaning out those drawers is a good winter time project.

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