Gullible suckers

There’s a sucker born every minute” often attributed to P. T. Barnum but most likely uttered by David Hannum

Eager shoppers are gullible. Need a new frying pan? You read all about how well the new ones work. You buy it only to find out it works the same way your old one did.

Need new lipstick? The new ones last longer, retain more color (as long as 18 hours!) and actually make your lips look younger. If you believe that I have a bridge for sale!

I am not always gullible but you have to buy stuff. You run out of things or things break and you need a new one. A savvy shopper will check out what’s new in features or colors or whatever before making the decision.

I use a self-tanner on my legs. Streaky orange legs look better than pasty white ones. In fact, people are so intrigued by the stripes that they don’t see the liver marks and wrinkly skin. That’s a win-win all the way around.

This morning I was lathering on my gradual orange tanner. You use it every day and it colors just a little. That is so you aren’t white one day and orange the next. The container is from last year and it’s almost gone so I need to buy more.

Some of the 2013 self tanners use terms like in-home spa treatment (does it come with a cabana boy?); Greek sun kissed tan (a trip to Athens?); no streaks (really?).

Oh how I want to believe them!

I have been reading that the new ones (even from the manufacturer I use) don’t have “that” smell. I think they said that last year when I bought this one. I also noticed that my current container said “firming.” I don’t think I bought it for that purpose but there is nothing wrong with a little firming!

But what does that mean? Other than pasty white and full of…ummm….freckles, my legs are ok (at least for my age). I don’t have cankles. However, my thighs, which are not humongous, have loose skin. I have no idea where it came from.

One night I went to bed with gorgeous thighs and the next morning I had enough skin there for 3 people. Perhaps it was one of the alien probe jobs gone bad. Or perhaps some sort of experiment (again…gone bad!).

I don’t worry too much because it has been years since I paraded my thighs around naked. My shorts are knee knockers so all is good.

So….my thighs would be a good experiment for “firming” body lotion with an orange afterglow. You would think, right? Well, not! I have been using this lotion for at least 3 years and nothing has changed.

Seriously, who would believe that lotion can firm up jiggly skin? If you do, please contact me about that bridge! In the meantime watch out for alien aircraft.

30 thoughts on “Gullible suckers

  1. Just thinking of The Creamsicle look – orange and white stripes – cracks me up. I wear long pants year round, avoid the sun when I can – and I live in Florida about 15 miles from the ocean. So, while I haven’t succumbed to orange tanning lotions, I’ve probably swallowed whole a few other lies that cosmetics folks fed me. Thanks for the laugh, Kate.

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  2. This was so funny – I remember once a long time ago believing it really worked, I tried that orange tan stuff on my legs and then I wore white shorts to this shindig we were attending. Well, it was all over the shorts and the chair I sitting in!

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    • Ewww! Hope it was your chair! I never had trouble with rubbing off but then again I use this gradual stuff. It takes a good week of every day use to get to look like an orange.

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    • Sweet potatoes! Another great description! I read the reviews on various products and people keep saying that they get a nice bronze color — no orange. I am so grateful there are others out there who get the orange too!

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  3. I have semi-orange legs. New foaming lotion that gives that sun-kissed look. My biggest problem is that the outer side of my left leg is always lighter. Took me a while to figure out why. Then I saw the sun-kissed look of my white sofa. Seems the stuff rubs off when I sit with my left leg curled under me. Gotta learn to sit like a lady! It’s prolly too late for that.

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  4. This is hilarious! I am as pasty white as they come and have always wondered about bronzer but never used it. Now that you’ve described “The Creamsicle” look this might be the summer I go for it. Do they have one that also takes the hair off your legs? Orange Nair?

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  5. Who would believe that lotion can firm up jiggly skin? I did once, some years ago. *head hangs down in shame*
    About that bridge, it’s very big. Do you have any in a smaller size?

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  6. You’ve convinced me… Not sure orange is a complimentary color for me (I’m a winter) but I’m running out to the store now for some self tanner. Question: Do I make the stripes go horizontal or vertical?

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  7. You crack me up!

    “I use a self-tanner on my legs. Streaky orange legs look better than pasty white ones. In fact, people are so intrigued by the stripes that they don’t see the liver marks and wrinkly skin. That’s a win-win all the way around.”

    “However, my thighs, which are not humongous, have loose skin. I have no idea where it came from. One night I went to bed with gorgeous thighs and the next morning I had enough skin there for 3 people.”

    Whenever I see bronzers and tanning creams, I think of George Hamilton:

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/film/5297020/George-Hamilton-Please-dont-think-I-just-went-out-with-famous-women….html

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  8. This was just too funny: “One night I went to bed with gorgeous thighs and the next morning I had enough skin there for 3 people.” Even diet and exercise can’t stop the inevitable!

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  9. And if all those anti-aging, wrinkle-removing, hydrating face creams worked plastic surgeons would be out of business and George Clooney would be dating me.

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