Goodbye automated car wash, hello handheld hose

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This car has been through hell.

My first choice for a car wash is parking it outside during a downpour. No one cleans it like Mother Nature and she’s cheap. We’ve had a lot of bad weather this winter resulting in street salt on my car. The stuff that will eat your shiny finish.

Not being patient enough, I ran it through a car wash. I rarely do this. When our local car wash upgraded a few years ago, they made it fully automatic. There are no people who clean your inside or wipe your windows.

You stay in the car while the car goes through the wash. I’m claustrophobic, so I’m not a fan. I needed to get the salt off. I persevered.

I had been through this car wash once before. At the front end, you sit in the car and try to push buttons on a screen that’s set up for someone with three-foot-long arms.  It took a while, but I was programmed for the simple wash, no fancy stuff. (They keep making you say NO, NO, NO!)

I drove up to the ramp. One guy started to push my rearview mirrors flat and another put plastic on my back windshield wiper. First guy said put it in neutral (I had it in park), so I slid it in Drive. “No, neutral” he shouted! (He had to shout over the noise of the machinery.) “And turn off your automatic windshield wiper!”

I was sure I had done that but as soon as the first load of water hit the car, my over eager wipers turned on. (My car has sensors that turn on the wipers when it rains. Up until now, I thought that was cool. Perhaps not.) Now I’m stuck in a car in the middle of the car wash and can’t see a damn thing. My wipers are running on steroids, and those cleaning rags are slamming my car. I was on the verge of a panic attack!

There was nothing I could do but hope for the best. That was not to be. One of the long rags got caught in my wiper and ripped off. My wipers whined and stuck. (Insert sinking feeling here!)

When I got out of the car wash (and made an appointment with my therapist – yes it was that frightening) I pulled off the dirty shred that was jammed in my wiper. It didn’t “reboot” the wiper. It wouldn’t work.

My car went into the shop on Monday to see what is wrong. This will be the most expensive car wash I’ve ever had. The motor had to be replaced. Cha-ching, cha-ching. There are lessons.

Don’t buy technology smarter than you are because you can’t control it or turn it off.

If you are claustrophobic, stay out of automated car washes and full body MRI machines.

After looking at the shred that was slamming my car to wash it, I wouldn’t go through another one. It was rough and dirty and could easily scratch the finish.

Having your spouse with you doesn’t help although he bought me pizza for lunch. Pizza is the luncheon version of Xanax.

PS: This is dedicated to Linda Shaub of Walking Writin’, Whit and Whimsy who also has a car wash story that we hope she posts in the comments section.

58 thoughts on “Goodbye automated car wash, hello handheld hose”

  3. It’s ridiculous to get anything fixed on a car these days. I don’t have a car wash story but what happened to you was enough for me! Wouldn’t you just know those floppy huge rags would grab your car somehow? We don’t take our cars to those car washes that beat the heck out of the paint. SSNS is a wash the car in the driveway guy from way back and I used to do car washing but it seems a lot of work to me at 73… Hahaha! Sorry you had to go through that whole scary thing. Would have given me a panic attack!

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    • It’s a lot of work and I can’t reach the roof. When I get it serviced and inspected they run it through their car wash. Other than that I let Mother Nature do it or I’ll hose off the sides. That’s where most of the dirt is.

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  4. Wow, not a good day. I just took mine to the car wash yesterday to get rid of all the salt. My car doesn’t have the new tech that yours does though, so it went smoothly. Hope your car doesn’t cost too much to fix. But at least the weather is amazing now!!! Hope your week gets better.

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  5. Best thing I do all the time. Is when I know a storm is coming. I spray the car with the rinse off spray wax. You’ll even see the water beading. Or spray it even after a rain. So this way it comes out nice and shiny after a storm, Try it. Free wash and and wax all in one.

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  8. I wash my car by hand. Part of that is because I actually kind of like doing it (kind of) but another reason is because I’m not confident that I’d know what to do to avoid what you experienced. Supposedly my car has a “car wash mode” (I had hoped that meant that it washed itself… but no), but by the time I found it on my “smart” screen, I’d be half-way through the wash.

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  10. Oh my! You better believe I’d have had a panic attack. I’m super claustrophobic. A year ago my husband got stuck in a car wash for quite a long time. It just stopped moving with him in it. That’s when I decided I’d never do it. I’m so claustrophobic, that when they gave me valium (years ago) in order to get into an MRI machine, I still panicked and chickened out. Claustrophobia is the reason I don’t fly anymore. I haven’t been in a plane since 2000!

    Sorry about the broken wiper motor. Hope the rest of your week and weekend are beautiful in order to make up for the debacle.

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  12. Wow, what a nightmare! It’s wild how something as simple as a car wash can turn into a full-blown horror story. Between the impossible touchscreen, the rogue wipers, and the claustrophobic panic, I’m impressed you made it through in one piece (well, mostly—RIP wiper motor).

    I totally get the struggle with automated systems being more trouble than they’re worth. Sometimes, old-school methods really are the best. A handheld hose and a little elbow grease sound a lot less stressful (and a lot cheaper).

    At least there was pizza at the end of it all—small victories! Hope your car is back in action soon. 🚗🍕

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  13. Most everyone I know thinks my anger about all the new gadgety cars with an over-abundance of tech that can and DOES glitch is just “Old Lady shouting at the clouds”. But we are right. A car should drive, I can manage the lights and wipers myself. I’ve never felt it to be a burden.

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  15. Hubby washes our car with the hose. It says under the bonnet not to use a power washer. The car washing place up the road uses power washers, so we wouldn’t go there anyway. My arms aren’t long enough to wash the top of the vehicle, so it would have a dirty skunk type line over the roof!

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  16. I washed my car this morning, but will admit to going to the one where I can use the wand myself. It is not only a lot cheaper, but I can wash and rinse where I want and there are no closed doors or machines banging on my vehicle. There are very few of these left in our area because most folks don’t want to do it themselves. I’m okay with that because it leaves the bay open for me. 🙂

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    • Yes it does. The settings are somewhat confusing and I must have had it on mist instead of off. Usually off is at the bottom or top of the selections but on my car, it’s mist, then off, then all the adjustables.

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  18. The more technology our cats (and watches and other things have) the more money we end up spending on fixing all that technology!! Haven’t been to a car wash in decades, and your experience doesn’t make me anxious to do that either. Thank goodness for pizza.

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    • I haven’t noticed more technology in my cats but I’m assuming your spellcheck changed it from cars based on your frequent tales of cats.! 🙂 🙂 🙂 You are so right. The more tech, the more costly the repair. Ouch!

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  19. Well I was in a crappy mood until I read this and (forgive me) I giggled all the way through and thank you for that in spite of your experience at the car wash being less than satisfactory. I make my husband take my car and his to the car wash – I simply can’t handle something going wrong and he can. Easy decision. LOL Pizza – nectar of the gods and solves all problems (other than weight gain of course….LOL).

    Hugs, Pam

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  20. How awful for you! My car is 20 years old and doesn’t have all the fancy gadgets and sensors like the much newer cars. I hope the pizza helped take some of the sting out of the experience.

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  21. How horrifying for you! My auto car wash still has humans working and my car is 20 years old, so nothing too fancy like sensors and all those gadgets. I hope the pizza helped to take some of the sting out of the whole experience.

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  24. Kate, this certainly rivals my car wash debacle with my first car. I would be worried as well in the middle of the car wash with a high-tech vehicle and things going very badly. My current car, with only 13,400 miles on it, is a 2009 Buick LaCrosse and it had a wonky issue just before the pandemic where I’d be driving and all four door locks would be going up and down simultaneously on their own. I waited about two years for parts … it was like a car possessed.

    I was checking the weather before setting out and decided to see if you posted YOUR car wash story, you did – wow … so here is what I told you the other day – thank you for dedicating your debacle to me. 🙂

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    Before starting college, my parents bought me a new VW Super Beetle. It looked like a VW Bug, but no clutch and you shifted into second gear only if you went above 45 mph. The car was a lemon from Day #1, but my trip to the carwash once was unforgettable. I drove up to the proper place to get onto the conveyor belt and put the car in neutral. The car and the car wash had a major malfunction that day. Halfway through the carwash, the conveyor belt quit working and would not go forward and so they turned off the soap and water and yelled for me to just drive the car out. I put it in “Drive” – nothing happened. The car always had an issue when it rained or snowed, which is why my father eventually took it over after my Allstate road insurance cancelled me for too many tows. The car wash guys had to push (they said “lift” but that may be suspect) the car out of the car wash, then I needed a tow as it wouldn’t move. Not fun!

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