April 7, 2014 7:52 am
Yesterday I saw the most perfect woman. She had to have been reformulated. Reconstructed surgically! No one is born like that, not even Barbi.
There is no judgment in this post. It’s all wonderment.
She wasn’t overly tall – maybe 5’ 5” at most. What was so striking were the perfect globes on the top – large, perfectly round breasts that stuck out of her abbreviated clothes.
It wasn’t warm here. It was 50 degrees. That’s not shorts weather especially coming at the end of a cold, cold winter. She had a short skirt on – really short, bare legged with spike heels. As my mother would say, “the skirt barely covered the hairline!” (My mother said the most unpredictable things! Thank God I’m not at all like her.)
Her waist rivaled Scarlet O’Hara’s 18 incher – tiny, tiny, tiny! She had small hips and slim legs. She was a thin person. She had a body that should be topped by a 32B cup at most. In fact, that would look voluptuous!
There I was looking at 36DDs but perfect and round, high and shiny. Not droopy or hangy like those big puppies usually get.
We exchanged some pleasantries. Yes, I can do that even when I am distracted. She was pretty with long, dark hair but the body was definitely out of proportion.
I don’t focus on these things. Normally this would be a fleeting glance that would barely register but holy cow! Them puppies were big! Did I mention perfectly round.
After some thought (very little) I concluded that she has one helluva plastic surgeon. They were unnatural. They belonged to a bigger woman. When the outcome is matched to the body, you shouldn’t be able to tell.
I am the one who can’t tell if someone had work done anywhere. I always miss the telltale signs. Mostly I don’t care but this one would only fool a blind person.
So, have you seen something that almost knocked you over by its absurdity?
PS: As I looked for artwork to complement this post I ended up on a real reconstruction “before and after” site. Yikes! We are not created equal, even from side to side on the same person!
Posted by Kate Crimmins
Categories: Humor, Other People
Tags: breast augmentation, breasts, contemporary attitudes, Plastic surgery, proportional bodies, surgical solutions
Mobile Site | Full Site
Get a free blog at WordPress.com Theme: WordPress Mobile Edition by Alex King.
As I see it, real ones aren’t featured like Vegas show girls. If you’ve had them your whole life you don’t think about them all the time. But when you pay thousands of dollars they’re like two new cars you want to be seen spinning around in.
She sounds bionic…a Pam Anderson type before she decided to go French.
LikeLike
By Susannah Bianchi on April 8, 2014 at 3:50 pm
PS Pamela Anderson is very articulate as well…and smart…those boobs were an investment that paid for themselves over and over again.
LikeLike
By Susannah Bianchi on April 8, 2014 at 3:52 pm
If you are in the business, they are an investment. If you want them just to take for a spin, that’s ok with me too. But I can’t help oogling!
LikeLike
By katecrimmins on April 8, 2014 at 4:22 pm
I understand. They can be quite alluring…I know.
LikeLike
By Susannah Bianchi on April 8, 2014 at 8:28 pm
I am oblivious to most as well. I made a not bad but not good comment about plastic surgery one day. I was later informed that the person I was talking too had done a lot of work on herself. Oops. 8) maybe my subconscious knew.
LikeLike
By Katie on April 8, 2014 at 3:37 pm
I know. I usually keep my mouth shut which is very hard. My neighbor and I had a big conversation about one of the neighbor guys that she says had a facelift. Now every time I talk to him, I keep looking for signs. It’s hard to focus on what he’s saying. It’s a very good job. A lay person (like me) can’t tell.
LikeLike
By katecrimmins on April 8, 2014 at 4:21 pm
I don’t understand why tiny women want disproportionately large breasts. It always looks like they’re going to topple over. Hey, that would be kind of funny….
LikeLike
By Jill Foer Hirsch on April 8, 2014 at 11:00 am
Well, me too. I do understand getting “adjusted” if you are small if that helps your self esteem. I’m just grateful I have my mismatched pair.
LikeLike
By katecrimmins on April 8, 2014 at 11:36 am
If you ever come to Southern California, hold onto your eyeballs! There is no lack of “fake” people to stare at! I have to tell you I’ve seen some incredible sights. And here we have the warm climate, so the clothing is even skimpier. Plastic surgery is a hobby in Los Angeles! Every stereotype you’ve ever heard is absolutely true!
LikeLike
By Three Well Beings on April 8, 2014 at 2:08 am
Wow! I remember when I was young, if you had a nice hairdo, people would come up and ask where you had it done or cut or styled. I wonder if people do that with “nice” body parts?
LikeLike
By katecrimmins on April 8, 2014 at 9:17 am
Yesterday at the Washington Park Arboretum in Seattle, most of us were wearing jeans and jackets or sweaters. We walked down the trails, admiring the cherry blossoms, the magnolias and the early rhododendrons. Many of us brought cameras. (I, unfortunately, forgot to recharge my battery.) Families were posing amongst the blossoms. Then we saw her, lying under the cherry tree in a field of green plants. Her friends had a big camera on a stand and a large silver reflector. At first I thought she was naked–all that creamy white flesh on her rounded buttocks. We walked past her, up the hill and past the pond, trying not to stare. On the way back down I saw that she was wearing underwear, very skimpy in pastel shades. I can’t tell you what her breasts looked like. I didn’t want to stare.
LikeLike
By Behind the Story on April 8, 2014 at 12:59 am
Maybe it was a photo shoot for a lingerie ad? I hear buttocks are another area that is getting attention these days. My flat one is just fine thank you.
LikeLike
By katecrimmins on April 8, 2014 at 9:18 am
I saw a beautiful young girl today – a rear view image. She had swingy platinum blonde hair and was dressed in skinny jeans, stiletto heels and something young and stylish on top. When she turned around I knew she was over 70 years old! Her face told the real story. I thought, “how sad,” but then I thought, “more power to her.”
LikeLike
By dorannrule on April 7, 2014 at 6:38 pm
Except for the stiletto heels I hope that’s me! It’s great to stay stylish but there is sweet spot where it’s age appropriate and very cool looking.
LikeLike
By katecrimmins on April 7, 2014 at 7:27 pm
I have been sitting on a million dollar idea for decades concerning those saggy situations. I want to install a port, under said saggers, where helium can be added making everything appear perky once again. When they deflate a little, “touch up” would be easy. I think this is brilliant. (However I do wonder if my voice would sound funny.)
LikeLike
By ellen peterson on April 7, 2014 at 3:58 pm
I imagine we would all be talking in the high funny voices! But we’d look buff!
LikeLike
By katecrimmins on April 7, 2014 at 4:38 pm
Those gravity deifying breasts always fascinate me. I always wonder how they keep them up there like that.
LikeLike
By MissFourEyes on April 7, 2014 at 2:44 pm
A good surgeon I suppose! Or invisible duct tape.
LikeLike
By katecrimmins on April 7, 2014 at 4:37 pm
Industrial strength duct tape
LikeLike
By MissFourEyes on April 8, 2014 at 11:11 am
For a small town, the one where I live (Esterhazy, SK), it has some upfront ideas (pun intended) about how to make it competitive with big town/city practices. Population is a little over 3,000 here, yet we have a small hooker problem (“small” is modifying “problem,” not “hooker”) and are now going to get a strip club act in one of our hotels, twice a week. My eyes bugged out when I heard that. I told hubby I wanted to go and see what the permissive town council was allowing into our (reasonably) happy hamlet. (This sounds like a story out of Anne of Green Gables lol)
LikeLike
By Sandra Bell Kirchman on April 7, 2014 at 12:52 pm
Good luck with that! Report back on the “improvement” of your happy hamlet.
LikeLike
By katecrimmins on April 7, 2014 at 1:14 pm
Kate, I had the oddest emotion when I read this. Yesterday I accidentally ran across something on Facebook pertaining to some great nieces that I’ve never met. They are very young, two still in middle and high school. One is ‘out on her own’ but they’re all reformulated…just like their mother! Tiny, petite everywhere but ‘their puppies’ are so far ahead of their tiny bodies I don’t see how they can keep from falling forward! I haven’t recovered yet…what shocked me so was how young these girls are and their pictures looked like spreads you never want to see! What in the world is happening here? Seems it might be difficult for females with so much up top and so tiny from there down to ‘cuddle’…ouch.
LikeLike
By Vasca on April 7, 2014 at 11:41 am
I didn’t think you could “get it done” until you stopped growing. I don’t understand the reasoning. I was fairly flat-chested until I was 40. Yes, I often wished they were bigger but just a little bigger. My friends with large puppies have all had reductions done because of pain and back issues. Buying clothes would be a nightmare!
LikeLike
By katecrimmins on April 7, 2014 at 12:00 pm
My eyes may have magnified, I wouldn’t be surprised. However, padded bra’s have been around forever…so? Who’s to say…I just find it troubling when clothing manufacturers put so much out there for little kids that looks like miniature adult clothing…not always suitable to what one wants an adorable cherub to look like. I sound like an old fogey but it’s sort of sad. They grow up/mature soon enough. Years ago when I was picking up our sons from middle school I could hardly believe what most of the girls looked like…adult women in their 20’s. Aargh. One of our sons brought home a girl when he was in high school and we almost passed out…she looked like a Raquel Welch. Ooh!
LikeLike
By Vasca on April 7, 2014 at 12:28 pm
Move over old fogey. You have lots of company. I blame it on all the emphasis of sex on TV especially the earlier shows that kids watch. TV characters have more sex than anyone I know.
LikeLike
By katecrimmins on April 7, 2014 at 1:16 pm
Why describe her as “the most perfect woman”??? She sounds top heavy, unwieldy, and off kilter to me.
LikeLike
By nrhatch on April 7, 2014 at 10:28 am
You’re right! Other than the top heavy part, she was a beautiful woman. She didn’t need that at all.
LikeLike
By katecrimmins on April 7, 2014 at 11:33 am
What a great post for a Monday morning, Kate! “Them puppies were big.” You crack me up! Oh my dear, if you could only see what I see every day during my commute home from work. I have to travel through the hood in order to get to the nice side of town. My jaw drops most days. Thankfully, it’s still dark when I drive through in the mornings, so I’m only exposed to the practically naked woman walking down the street, once during the day. They let it all hang out!
Thanks for the laugh! Enjoy your day!
LikeLike
By Jill Weatherholt on April 7, 2014 at 8:33 am
My retinas are still scarred! She was beautiful and articulate. Couldn’t figure it out!
LikeLike
By katecrimmins on April 7, 2014 at 9:09 am