Occasionally I’m reminded somehow of someone I knew long ago. Sometimes they were good friends, sometimes co-workers or just people I knew. That happened this week. A person from my past popped into my head for no apparent reason.
Before I went into Human Resource work, I supervised a large administrative staff in a company staffed predominantly by engineers. I learned to work with men. Engineering men are a class by themselves.
Most of the employees were youngish (under 40 for sure) and there were a lot of social activities like baseball teams, bowling leagues, and yes, happy hours. It was at one such event that I had this peculiar experience.
There was an engineer who was a hunk. A hottie by any standards. He was about five years younger than me. He had just broken up with his girlfriend of two years and was “dating” again. On one occasion, probably after too many drinks, he told me his story. (Since I don’t really like people, I am always amazed that people want to open up to me. I must feign empathy well!)
He felt that women were using him for his body. I’d guess his age to be upper 20s to low 30s. This is usually a time when men wish women were after their body. He complained about the carnal intentions most women had when it came to dating him.
Yep, almost fell off my stool (or maybe it was a chair?). Never had a guy complain about being a sexual object. I didn’t know what to say so I assured him that I wasn’t after his body. (Truly I wasn’t. Pretty isn’t my type. We were at a group function so I’m not sure why he opened up. Maybe I seemed “safe.”)
Fast forward about three months. He brought a date to a company picnic. She was not at all what I expected. His last girlfriend was a drop-dead gorgeous blond. Very perky and personable. His date was neither attractive nor homely and introverted. She was nice and accomplished in her field (which was financial – maybe a CPA or accountant? Head abacus?)
While sitting with her she talked about her relationship with Mr. Hunk. She had no idea why he was dating her and was fearful that it would end badly for her. (I know. Why do people tell me these things?) I could assure her that he wasn’t looking for a sexual relationship (based on his earlier complaints to me). I suggested she “ride it out” and enjoy herself. After a year or so, they married and moved to the big city for better job prospects. All this happened in the 80s and I’ve often wondered how it worked out for both of them.
I eventually moved into Human Resource work where I encountered a lot seedier stories that made this sound tame.
I know that I’m a good listener, whether I am really interested or not, and so I get singled out for similar confessions. Even when I say nothing in response, the “confessor” seems to feel validated. I have always thought it a little odd, or at least awkward. With your story, however, I wish we knew where they are today. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes I’ve been wondering lately where a lot of my decades ago friends are and how they are doing. I know two died this summer. I can only assume the rest are alive and doing okay!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hmm – interesting that he decided to find someone who did not want him for his bod, but his mind Poor girl would always be insecure, no matter how many assurances, thinking he’d be looking for greener pastures. I know you and I could trade stories about employee behavior, since next month will be year #22 working for a management labor. The “juiciest” stories were those of the freighters “at sea” er, the Great Lakes for weeks at a time. A few episodes required my boss going to the freighter and conducting taped interviews with various personnel on the boat. It was interesting when they were obligated to hire a woman for a comparable position to a man. They were ignorant to the woman in each case. One in particular, ship’s engineer was a man, but they hired a relief engineer. The old codger put pinup pictures (sans clothes of course) as a screensaver for whenever Emily was set to go on her shift. He was fired and was so shocked, he left the boat, hired a rental car and ran off the road and died – everyone figured he committed suicide. Other times, it was taking pictures of themselves with partners (male and/or female or a threesome) and leaving the video on a tablet where the woman had to go.
LikeLiked by 1 person
People can be jerks!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh ya – on board the boat, there is lot of stuff going on and the men very much resent any female brought aboard to do a job. They probably think she is either incompetent or out to “find a man” but they are purposely rude/obnoxious.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ll try this again. Comment didn’t show up. Delete this one if it does, Kate.
When obscure people from the past and random old memories pop into my head, I always think it’s because I’m going to die soon, like my life is flashing before me.
: )
LikeLiked by 1 person
I did get your other comment but it was waiting for my approval. This one came through without it. As for old memories, I always wonder if something happened to them.
LikeLike
Where the heck was this guy when I was dating? I always attracted jerks. I would have assumed at the time he was just feeding you a line and was actually trying to hit on you. It’s nice to be wrong.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It never occurred to me that he might be hitting on me. I liked him as a person and he was part of a big social group. I’ve never been attracted to really gorgeous guys. Oh yes, his favorite rock band was Pink Floyd. Mine was The Eagles. That says something too. I dated a gorgeous guy once when I was really young. OMG! We’d walk into a bar with a mirror and he’d spend 5 minutes checking his hair. So not me but he was a looker.
LikeLiked by 1 person
People tell me stuff all the time too. I am interested, usually, but don’t understand why it happens. I wonder what happened to that couple too!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I couldn’t for sure find him on-line. Mostly because 40 years of aging can change the looks.
LikeLiked by 1 person
So true!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I enjoyed your story, Kate. People open up to me, too, and it can be kind of uncomfortable. They sometimes regret it and feel over-exposed. Or at least, that was what one person told me. But then again. that’s just one person.
I hope your engineer friend found happiness.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I had that happen too. One good friend told me how her husband manipulates her in an argument (he was the alpha in the relationship). Afterward she told me she felt like she had betrayed him by telling me that. Truth is, I already knew it. Doesn’t take a brain surgeon.
LikeLike
It’s nice you were able to offer her some sound advice, having heard his side of things. Maybe you could be an Agony Aunt like Ann Landers, with your own syndicated column? (The cats could help you out.) I laughed at your comment re not really liking people – same here. Only in small doses. People always want to tell me their whole life story on planes/trains/waiting rooms – places where you are captive for hours. Sometimes it’s interesting, but sometimes I’d rather read. I too would be interested in the seedier stories from HR!
LikeLiked by 1 person
A long time ago I wrote about an employee who told me that she was going in the Witness Protection Program. I have to dig that up. She was giving everyone her new address. That’s not how WPP works but I never for a second believed her story.
LikeLiked by 1 person
OMG – that’s crazy! I bet you’ve heard everything.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ve heard a lot. The WPP was the tops though. How she thought that any of us would believe that is insane. It’s not how they relocate you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
No it’s not….I just finished a John Grisham novel about that very topic and found it quite interesting how they cover the tracks. Of course they dropped the guy in the middle of Italy and he had to learn the language, but hey, what’s not to love about Italy!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ahhh…the food! This employee was “relocated” two miles from her old home. She gave me her address. Really hard keeping a straight face.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, I imagine it would be. It’s like some of the things people would tell me in the pharmacy – TMI – I have years of keeping a “poker face”. I forgot to say that I enjoyed your comment re the engineers. One of my university room-mates dated an engineer, then married him, and they are still together 40 years later. I well remember sitting at the singles table at their wedding with all his engineering friends. Of course back then in the 70’s engineering wasn’t as popular (and a high failure rate 50%) as it is now that STEM is the way to go, but still….I remember them as being a different breed, than the artsy or science types. They had their own marching band from what I remember…..
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes and mostly lacking social cues.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Not to mention crude. The egineering band was named the Lady Godiva Marching Band, known for their rauchy lyrics. I see they even have a wikepedia listings, so they must still be around. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lady_Godiva_Memorial_Bnad
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hmmm….there once was a girl from Nantucket…..
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sounds like you would have been a great therapist or detective by the way people open up to you. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
There was a time counseling interested me. I worked on a women’s hotline for a while. I got very disillusioned. Most people know what they need to do but can’t do it or won’t do it so I felt my time was wasted.
LikeLike
Now I want to know what happened to them. Did they live happily ever after?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I don’t know. I tried to research but people look so different 40 years later! I found someone who might be him and there was no wife.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m also someone people will confide in. I don’t know how they know I am trustworthy with their secrets (but I am). Never heard of any man complaining about being used for his body let alone an engineer. I went to a university for my undergrad that had an engineering school, enough said!
Deb
LikeLiked by 1 person
Engineers need a flow chart for everything!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sounds like you exude a Dr. Ruth personna. LOVED that story. Yup, those engineers are a class all by themselves. Much like attorneys. 🙄
LikeLiked by 1 person
And accountants!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha! It sounds like the engineer knew himself pretty well and went for brains and interest over beauty (not that beautiful people can’t be smart and interesting too… just look at us 🙂 ). Those other attributes live on after beauty fades.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I agree! I’m not sure if some of the clerical staff were ripping at his clothes at work. He could have modeled for GQ. He was a nice guy too. A little into weird music for my taste but each to his own.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Interesting isn’t it how some people just seem to want to tell a relative stranger EVERYTHING. I worked in Human Resources for a while too and found it a daily occurrence….I’ve always been a magnet for confessions though – sometimes from strangers which I find VERY awkward. Now that I’m old this doesn’t happen anymore…..but you won’t hear me complaining about that! LOL
Hugs, Pam
LikeLiked by 1 person
I work hard to avoid it these days. If it’s someone I care about that’s a different story and I’d always be there for them but not for strangers. My HR days had me in overdrive on these things.
LikeLike
With the demographic trending “oldish” here people want to tell you everthing about their life… the good, the bad, and the ugly. We haven’t been to any mix and mingles since the plague found our little community. We don’t miss them. Kate, I hope they lived happily ever after.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I tried to research them but didn’t conclusively thing anything. I did find someone who looks sort of like him but not enough for me to be sure and there was no wife.
LikeLike
That’s actually very sweet. I wonder how it worked out for them, too.
I would like some of the seedier stories now!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ve been away from work long enough to write some of them. Some were doozies.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Remembrances from the past, along with insights from experiences and new perspectives open our thinking. Throwbacks are awakenings 💕
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂
LikeLike
Had to laugh – engineers are their own species.
And a second laugh – you know how cats always seem to pick out the person the least interested in them to sit on and cosy up to? Maybe you’re like that to people who want to talk? Or you have something like that invisible “pet vacancy here – apply now” that is outside our door.
Just hilarious!
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are right on both counts! I always say I have “sucker” tattooed on my forehead but it’s only visible to some.
LikeLike
You were apparently destined for HR work because HR people never spill the beans. Have you tried googling him to see if they’re still married? Great story. – Marty
LikeLiked by 1 person
I did try googling. First, I didn’t quite recognize any of the pictures. I may have seen him but his strawberry blonde hair is now white so I wasn’t sure. There was no mention of a wife. I checked facebook too and no luck with wife either. Maybe it didn’t work out after all.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have this problem, too. People tell me things, unsolicited, they start telling me their stories and I’ve no interest in their stories, but I listen. I think you were destined to be in HR– and as for me? Destined to be a blogger!
LikeLiked by 2 people
So funny. A young woman (about 22) who worked for me in HR greeted one of our senior women employees with a “how are you.” The woman thought she really meant it and started to tell her that her vagina prolapsed. She came flying up to google that because she couldn’t believe that was a thing. People are willing to share the strangest things.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Your stories are riveting. I wonder how you and my son are alike. People tell him their life stories, and all he reports doing is listening. I suspect you are one of the world’s greatest listeners.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Maybe I used to be. Not so much anymore. I try to stay out of people’s baggage. They don’t want advice. Most of the time they want affirmation that their life is hard. Everyone has their stuff.
LikeLike
You are right. We all want sympathy and commiseration. Just for the record, I don’t need those things right now, so you can still talk to me.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m always there for the people I really like so you’re good. BTW I had lunch with my walking friend who lost her husband last fall. She is in better condition than she has been in years. She has a good supportive family but has filled her life with activities that mean something to her. She is an inspiration.
LikeLike
Wonderful news!
LikeLiked by 1 person
(Since I don’t really like people, I am always amazed that people want to open up to me. I must feign empathy well!) ~> Back in the day, I often suspected that Human Resource Personnel weren’t really people pleasers. 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
If you want to be fair in HR, you can’t get caught up in people’s sad stories. You have to treat everyone the same and I find that non-people pleasers work best in HR. That’s not to say we’re not kind but we are often the hand of “no” in the company.
LikeLike
I wish them all the best … thanks to you for this story, I nearly fell off my chair too …
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yep, first time ever a guy complained he was getting too much action!
LikeLike
Your “seedier stories” comment made me giggle. I can only imagine.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Some are eye-popping.
LikeLiked by 1 person