Just a short note on families, personalities and rocking who you are

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My extended family is a collection of all sorts of personalities although we skew toward the introvert side. There have been some marriages that brought in an infusion of extrovert (or the dark side as we call it). I call it gypsy blood but every nationality has their extroverts.

At a recent family gathering I was looking around at the group. The conversation was dominated by the extros while us intros sat back and watched the entertainment. Every once in a while we’d throw in a zinger. We were all enjoying it.

As the gathering took longer than expected (or even reasonable) the difference was apparent. Us intros were getting wild eyes. The kind that signals an implosion of sorts. The kind that will require alone time to recover. Maybe even a nap. A long nap. Some cat cuddles or wine. It was people-y (especially for someone like me with a 90-minute butt).

On the other hand the extros were rocking into it. I swear they brought their toothbrush and jammies just in case.

Makes me curious just how that happens. Genes and chromosomes. Nature and nurture. Whatever. (There are some folks in my extended family that I swear were swapped out at birth!)

There was a time I wished I was more outgoing. As I got older I was better at it (and my job required it) but I still hate the small talk at parties. Banal conversation is boring but necessary as you  search for the right topic to connect. (That brings up some very disastrous dating experiences but that’s another post!)

Sometimes you never connect. Sometimes it’s more about being entertained by the outrageous. Sometimes it’s about looking at your watch to determine a suitable “leave” time.

These days I rock who I am. No regrets. If you invite me, remember I have a 90 minute butt.

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84 thoughts on “Just a short note on families, personalities and rocking who you are”

  1. Your posts always make me smile! I think I am in the middle pretty much. I love one on ones but can have a lot of fun with a.small group of people too. I don’t have a 90 minute butt, if in a good conversation I can go for a long time, but if the conversation is really lacking then I may just have a 15 minute butt! 🙂

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  3. I certainly relate! In my family there are more intros than extros, so that’s a help. But my husband and daughter are definitely extroverts, and they can really give me a hard time. Families are complex! 🙂

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  6. I absolutely relate to your post! I am an introvert and I definitely get lost in a crowd. I let the extros take over as I enjoy their energy and quick wit. After a while it does wear me out and I need to escape to some solitude. I much prefer (very) small group gatherings or one to one dates.I used to wish I could be more outgoing, but I have grown to accept and appreciate my introverted personality. Really enjoyed your post!

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  7. The older we get the more family reunions become like speed dating HaHa. (Love the ones who brought PJ/tooth brushes vs the wild eyes/secret signaling comparison so funny and so true)
    It’s the holidays – gatherings, yes, but we all like to give ourselves the gift of being where we want when.

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  8. I totally understand the 90 minute butt!! At last someone else put a name to it. I thought it was just me and my restless nature. At some social events and gatherings, even 90 minutes feels excessive.
    The only time it doesn’t apply is when I go into slug mode and start watching Netflix at 3 in the afternoon.

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  11. I hate a conversation where it is like pulling teeth (and where in the world did that expression ever come from to mean a stilted conversation). The six of us who were inseparable in high school got together for a five-year reunion and could not fill up an entire evening as we had nothing in common. That will always amaze me. I don’t have trouble striking up a conversation but I really like my alone time, especially whenever I’m walking – even when walking just in the ‘hood.

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    • Absolutely — the best barb of the day was delivered by the most intro of the intros! Quick and razor sharp! I should work on a dating post. It’s been a long time since those days but there were some memorable moments.

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  14. Boy, I hear you. I am happy at first in fun situations, then suddenly it wears on me, and I have to GET AWAY. Maybe that’s why my grandfather was notorious for saying in the middle of any gathering, “Come on, Edna, time to go,” LONG before anybody else thought of leaving.

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  16. I don’t know where I am these days Kate. I like quiet times and happy to sit on the sidelines and people watch or listen in on conversations. We have a lot of variety going on just now, and a lot of laughter too. It will be interesting to see what the topics are Saturday night when I’m being treated by the darts team to a Christmas dinner.

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  17. Another introvert here. I can be more outgoing but it is exhausting! When I worked (hairdresser and then sales) I had to be “charming”. That was difficult but I muddled through it. Glad those days are done.

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  20. Definitely an introvert here… although, like you, I learned to fake it while working. I guess that’s a good skill to have since every once in a while I need to venture out among the throngs. I do admire extroverts though (at least the ones who aren’t obnoxious), they keep the conversation going and provide needed entertainment. You are right about the 90-minute rules, that’s about when my butt and my brain need to go home.

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  22. I’m Italian, so everyone is an extra extrovert. Loud, deep conversations, which outsiders have mistaken for arguments, but it’s just the way we talk (with the added hand animation).

    On the other hand, there are times when I’m quiet in places where I don’t feel I fit in. I tried chiming in on conversations with the husband’s side, but the small-talk there was maddening to me. I couldn’t take the fluffy marshmallow, rose-colored-glasses talk for 30 years, so I sat back and watched. They laughed on occasion, but I didn’t get it.

    I took the introvert-extrovert test, and I landed smack dab in the middle. I’m both, or neither. 🤷‍♀️

    On the upside of your situation, watching the extroverts at your gathering was probably more entertaining than television. Hope you had some nice kitty cuddles when you got home.

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    • I am not an extreme but close to center veering to the intro side. When we are with family, it’s easier than in other groups. On the Myers Briggs test (we used them at work) I was an extrovert. I had to be there and surprisingly I loved my work. Sometimes it’s like theater!

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      • INTJ here. What is your type? I have gotten more introverted as I’ve gotten older. Although my oldest daughter was engaged to an extrovert, she saw the light and broke the engagement. All the other kids seek out fellow introverts – YAY! When the family gets together, we play cards or games to keep the shallow chitchat to a minimum. And we keep the time together to a safe and pleasant span. It keeps all the introverts happy.

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        • ENTP here. I too haven gotten more introverted as I aged. Retirement has been good for me. No daily conflict. I’ve come to love the peace. Some people who retired from my line of work (human resources) have to seek out the people action they miss but not me.

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          • Luckily, I have a job where I get to deal with people one-on-one or through letters and calls. Otherwise, I sit in my private office and analyze all day. It is perfect for me. It’s nice that blogging provides a way for us to become friends!

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  24. I think I am just a vert! I avoid large gatherings, but don’t mind crowds. I like one-on-one chats, but only if they are constructive otherwise I try and extricate myself. I love time with me! I hate pretense, image, banal small talk. The thing is, my time is very important to me and so wasting it really erks me! If you want me at your next gathering, you’d better send me a copy of the guest list, with some brief guest overviews, first. 🙂

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  25. Ditto on the “had to be extro” for many years with my jobs – I found it exhausting. I enjoy one on one or even a mini-group (3-4) but that’s about the extent of my social side. I hadn’t really thought about it, but I just might be a 90-minute-butt girl too which – coincidentally – is about the max on my “so Honey how long do we HAVE to stay here????” timer.

    Hugs, Pam

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    • Even when I worked I avoided the big lunches especially if they were at a restaurant. Too long. Now if there are more than 6, I don’t hear. I’m fortunate that except for a very few instances, my husband is ready to leave before me. If there is a football game on, all bets are off.

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  27. Definitely an introvert here with the ability to fake extro for a very short time. Better with a one on one conversation or an outing or visit with another couple that we are comfortable with. My family all gone or I’m just not up to finding them. SSNS family… I can do without them or very short conversation.I have found that the people that are really here for me are the people I have met through blogging. And that is the truth!

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  28. Fellow introvert here, although I can fake it (extroversion) well enough. I can enjoy being around most people – to a point – but always need alone time to recover, no matter how much I enjoyed peopling. 90 minute butt? I never thought to time mine…something to monitor. Thanks Kate!

    Deb

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