A couple of philosophical odds and ends

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Courtesy of Pond Pike Cabins

Once in a while I take an irrational disliking to someone. Sometimes I don’t know why. There is something about them (and I can’t always put my finger on it) — appearance, behavior or vocabulary that reminds me of someone I dislike. I project those feelings onto someone else. It may not make sense but it just is. One time I was on the dislike end. I started a new job in a very small department of four people. One person spent more time out of the office but we did interact. He took a dislike to me the first week. No matter what I did, it didn’t change. My boss noticed it. We discussed it. Since he didn’t like her either, she wasn’t concerned but I was. There are people who are not fond of me but it doesn’t happen that fast. I was there for nine months and it was in the last month I found out why. We worked on a project together and at the end he said I wasn’t so bad. I bluntly asked him why he thought I was. He said that I reminded him of his ex-wife and it was a nasty divorce. There was no way I could have called that one but it taught me a lesson. Sometimes it’s not about me at all.

I had to get a procedure done this week. It was very simple. A friend had it done a few years back and all I remember was that it was very uncomfortable for her. That’s all I had in my head as I went in. I talked to the technician who kindly explained everything several times trying to talk me off the ceiling. Pfft! Easy peasy. The discomfort was so temporary it was easier than a mosquito bite. We all deal with discomfort (I refuse to call it pain) differently.

Going through life requires navigating the words and actions of others which aren’t always what they seem. Almost all that happens is not about you. Nor does everyone react the same to stimulus. Life is a juggling act and you have to figure it out for yourself. By the time you do that, you are old! As my mom said, “Too soon old and too late smart!”

 

71 thoughts on “A couple of philosophical odds and ends”

  1. So true that we never really know what someone else is going through. Unless they tell us. On a plane, seated next to me. They tell their stories and I listen. And I always learn!

    fun post and I loved your Mom’s saying – so wise. PS glad the discomfort was minimal!

    MJ

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  2. I love your Mom’s phrase…So very true.
    I don’t know why the like dislike about some people happens so quickly in some cases but it does and I wish it wouldn’t. I always like to give people a reasonable amount go time but I remember reading a book some years ago called BLINK, which essentially says that your first impression of a person or something is almost always correct. I try not to remember that when I meet someone but when I look back, after knowing them for some time, it appears my initial reaction was correct. Strange.

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  3. I really like the phrase your mom used! I think so often of how I have taken offense, or been reactionary in the past and then later wondered why? I do hope that there are some advantages to getting older, and this should be one of them! At the bare minimum to not think that everything has to do with me is a big relief! I have wasted a lot of time in my life somehow thinking it was. LOL! I really enjoyed how you shared your experience here, Kate. Glad the procedure is over and not as bad as you had been told!!

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  7. “Too soon old and too late smart.” I love that.

    I can really relate to your musings today. I thought my best friend’s (ex) husband didn’t like me when they were together. It took me some time to learn that it wasn’t about me, because he was a rude SOB to everyone.

    Glad your procedure wasn’t as bad as you had imagined. I have a story about my mom who used to complain that so many things were difficult. Once when I was just learning to cook and bake on my own, I asked about how to whip, whipping cream. She said not to do it because it’s too difficult and to buy already whipped cream. My recipe didn’t call for that, so I whipped it from liquid like the recipe said and hoped I’d get through it. Turned out to be SO EASY. I should’ve known Mom was making another mountain out of a molehill. When we were growing up, she refused to let us have a real Christmas tree because pine needles were too difficult to clean up. When I got married, I got a real tree every year. It takes one person to push a vacuum and the needles vanish. Viola!

    Anyway, didn’t mean to go on. I think I’m chatty today. I’ve been commenting long everywhere. 😛

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    • I had the same experience with a friend’s (now ex) husband. All he knew about me he heard from her. He resented that I supported her so it wasn’t about me at all. He hated everyone that supported her. Your mom sure didn’t like to exert herself. Neither of your examples are truly work. Making lasagna from scratch is working. Whipping cream, not so much.

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  10. Some people are just born with an attitude aren’t they? I am like that too as far as listening to others and assuming … well, you know what they say about when you ASSume. My mom used to tell me I read too many magazine articles when I was worried about something … this was told to me before the internet came around. She would probably say now that I likely got that notion off the internet. And I must tell you my mom used that expression “Too soon old and too late smart!” many times. The older I get I realize that many of what I termed her “momisms” were very good words of advice.

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  12. I give the man credit for answering your question honestly. He still comes off as a bit of a creep, though. I’ve always tried like hell not to succumb to first impressions with people. It’s hard to do, but I do so knowing I wouldn’t want anyone to do the same with me. Great post, Kate. – Marty

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    • The weird thing was that he was a mild mannered Wally Cox type of guy. I know why he didn’t like our boss. She was a brash, outspoken woman that rubbed a lot of people the wrong way. He disliked me before he even knew me. At the end he said he was sorry to see me leave. That job was a wild ride.

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  13. I’m easy going and like most people. but sometimes something rankles about someone that I can’t put my finger on. Hubby always knows when I’m ‘off ‘ someone, apparently I am coldly polite. He also trusts my character radar.
    Hope all is OK Kate.

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  14. Grandmother used to say “We all have our crosses to bear.”
    They were all about stoic
    It’s true we forget that everyone sees life and others through the lens of their own experiences. Wonder that people ever communicate ideas and thoughts to another clearly.
    Glad you’re doing OK!

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  15. I’m glad the procedure went well. Gorgeous photo, by the way. Yes, sometimes a thing or person is just reminiscent of other unpleasantness, and the brain spends a lot of time referencing its files to bring up things that resemble old danger.

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  18. So true. I try and remember it’s not always about me at all when people are jerks. But that’s tough, as women are conditioned to put others at ease and be likable.

    This is why I admire so many women from NYC — they don’t care nearly as much about being liked and they call it like they see it.

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  19. People who are inclined to find fault will find it, regardless of what you do and how you do it. They want to dislike you, so I say go right ahead. As my mother used to say: “good riddance to bad rubbish.”

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  20. I try to “be friendly” with most people I encounter . . . even the ones I don’t want to “befriend.” But once someone violates my trust, I do my best to keep them at a safe distance.

    I also try to give people the benefit of the doubt. When someone is inexplicably unfriendly to me, I assume it’s because their favorite teddy bear has been kidnapped and is being held for ransom!

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  21. I had a negative reaction to someone a few days ago. She was at the front desk of the hair salon I go to… never saw her before. Anyway, she bugged me and I just wanted her to stop talking and leave me alone while I waited for my appointment. I felt bad about my strong reaction and tried to be as polite as possible but I’m sure she felt the negative vibes from me. It’s weird how we can react one way or the other to people just based on a few moments of interaction.

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  24. I’m glad your procedure went well. I got two shots yesterday — one for flu and the other for pneumonia. Both were easy at the time. This morning, there was discoloration three inches away from the injection site. That’s where it was sore. I’m glad I didn’t worry about the shot ahead of time, because I would have been concerned about the wrong spot.

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  25. I always proceed with caution when my inner voice sends me a red flag. My dog is a good judge of people too. She never growls at people that come to visit my home. One time she growled and would not approach a “friend” I had invited over. I was so embarrassed and horrified, but it turned out she was exactly right that “friend” was definitely not a friend! By the way, the fall photo is stunning!

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  26. Funny how the internal mind works on evaluating life as it comes at us. Whenever I experience a strong dislike upon meeting someone new, I take it as a sign to proceed carefully and deliberately. When I neglected that voice, I learned the hard way it was trying to warm me. Glad your procedure went well. Looking after the fact makes it seem less onerous.

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    • I proceed cautiously too. There have been a few people I didn’t think I would like upon meeting but grew to enjoy them. Sometimes the opposite. The gut feeling is a good system but once in a while it can let you down, like the guy with his ex.

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  27. I’m glad your procedure went well. I think sometimes my own body handles discomfort differently. Over the years, I’ve gotten shots in my derriere without blinking, time and again. But once, maybe because I was feeling blech with a virus, I got a shot in the same place and actually COLLAPSED from the pain. Ouch. (I gave the nurse a heart attack, the poor thing.)

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    • I can’t remember the last time I had a shot THERE! I get an injection every 6 months. I had a wonderful nurse who administered it. Then she left. The new one hurts. The injection takes time. It’s not quick. She keeps jamming the needle into my arm. I went from not minding at all to dreading it.

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