I was in a dentist’s chair for two hours yesterday. TWO HOURS! It wasn’t all bad. The first half hour he did numbing that didn’t hurt. (Remember when the Novocaine shot was more painful than the drilling? Or so it seemed.)
The next half hour required getting a backhoe into my mouth for major excavation. I wondered if they were putting a pond in there. I swear I heard the beeps when it was in reverse. I was naming the fish.
After the backhoe came the jack hammer. Then lots of goo. Pink good. Purple goo. Goo galore.
Technically this procedure was elective. I didn’t have to have this done now but my old dental work had been chipping. It took two years and a really bad chip before I made the appointment. I thought it best to have it done now. I can get some good years out of it before my teeth go to the grave. The worst would be to have an uncomfortable procedure the week before you die.
While I am sitting in the chair all kinds of weird things go through my head. Why would someone be a dentist instead of a brain surgeon? The brain isn’t that far from the teeth but it has no spit. Some teeth injections I’ve had seem to go up through my brain and out the top of my head. (My “now” dentist somehow doesn’t let me see the needle. I’m good with that.)
Personally I find putting my hands in anyone’s mouth (including my own) disgusting. (There will be no commentary on how a person can clean litter boxes and get urine samples from an uncooperative cat but freaks out with people spit.)
I was so numb that I was sure my lips looked like a Kardashian. The dental tech gave me a mirror because I didn’t believe her. How can they feel so big but look so little? I checked my boobs too. Nope, definitely not a Kardashian.
When the lips are numb you don’t have control of your own fluids. During a swish out of toxic waste fragments clinging to my delicate membranes, I overshot the spit receptacle and hit the tech’s sneakers. Oops. What to do, what to do? We’re not even on first name basis and I’m trying to swap spit.
I did exactly what I did in grade school when smelly gas escaped my sweet butt. I pretended I didn’t do it. She pretended I didn’t do it either and neither wiped her sneaker or commented. I’m pretty sure she threw them in the trash when she got home.
I have a lot of respect for dentists. They rank up there with butt doctors (another profession I can’t figure out why anyone would want to do!).
Today my mouth is sore (but not sore enough to shut up). I have three weeks to recover before I go in for the final appointment. After that I will be ready for toothpaste commercials except for my skinny lips.
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I LOVE this post. I agree with everything you said and can empathize. I have had a ton of dental work and I don’t know if there are many teeth in my head that have not had root canal. there was a period of 2 years when I said some women go to have their nails done every week, I go to the dentist! The worst was when I went on a cruise and the ship left at 4 and at 7 I started getting a toothache. A week on advil!
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I went on vacation with a friend with a toothache. She was very brave but it definitely affected the vacation. Most of my molars have root canals too or at least a crown.
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I feel so badly for you! Elective or not…two hours in a dental chair ranks up there as one of my most dreaded appointments. I try very hard to think of my friends who have medical appointments and procedures for very serious medical needs and I have nothing at all to complain about. I shouldn’t be such a baby…but I am sure no one enjoys it! I hope you’re dental-work free for a while now, Kate!
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I’m not a fan of dental work either but I’ve had a lot. I had what they called soft teeth so I tended to get cavities when I was young. I’ve had many root canals and gum surgery (maybe that was the worst!). I take better care of my teeth than most people because of my investment and I want them to last. My mother had dentures and she had issues with them. Seeds getting under. Sores. I’d rather have something done to preserve what I have.
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Your dentist must love you for being proactive! So many people wait until an emergency before they’ll schedule an appointment!
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I put off the gum surgery for 2 years so I’m not as “timely” as I should be but when the dentist described the surgery — cutting at the gum line — I just about passed out. Had to get used to it and that was 30 years ago.
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I bit down on a potato chip a week or so ago and totally shattered a tooth. On a potato chip of all things. Who would have thought it? The poor dentist literally had to dig the tooth out. If I could have talked, I would have had time to spill out my entire life story while I was sitting in the chair. In spite of all my dentist’s hard work and searching, I’m still spitting out tooth fragments, and I think I’m developing a phobia. Is it possible to be afraid of potato chips?
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It’s always the goofiest things that break a tooth. I have given up hard pretzels and anything really hard. I can’t risk it. I won’t give up potato chips though. Potato chips and ice cream (not necessarily together) are my comfort food.
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“Getting a backhoe into my mouth for a major excavation.” LOL well said, Kate. 😀
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It’s Day 3 afterward and it’s still sore! Huge back hoe.
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Ouch! I’m so sorry, Kate.
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😦
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Nothing like the numb spitting requirement to challenge our skills … hahaha! I’m glad you got a post out of your torture.
Hope you recover quickly.
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It’s the first time I ever spit on someone’s shoes. They were fabric too. 🙂
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Uuurrgggghhhh … heal quickly Kate.
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Thank!
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Oh Lord. I dread dental appointments. Ugh. I have also wondered what motivates someone to become a dentist. Yechhh! My dentist’s office is a father and daughter team/associates. I can’t imagine joining the family business on that one.
Hope you’re feeling even better today.
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I am ok but my mouth is still sore and swollen. Having some trouble eating. No pain, just tender.
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Ick. But I’m glad that you’re doing ok. Dentistry is a weird sort of speciality, I’ll give you that. All the ones I’ve gone to seem like such nice people… yet what they do for a living is odd.
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Not as odd as a proctologist!
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Agreed.
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Dentistry is my business world. Worst job to be a dentist. With a high suicide rate. Just sayin.
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Yikes! I didn’t know that!
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Now you’ll be looking at that dentist a little different, huh?!
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This is funny! I have dental work coming up and I am skeered! Glad you got through it and happy for you when your follow-up is over!
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I put it off for two years because…well…because! My jaw is still sore and I have to eat slowly. Didn’t want to do this during corn on the cob season! BTW being skeered doesn’t help but reward yourself afterward so you have something to focus on.
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I spent the month of January at the dentist and endodontist. Not fun plus had to use money budgeted to finish the kitchen. But it is good to still have teeth.
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At my age, my mother had lost all her teeth and her words to me were, “Don’t let them pull your teeth!” I’ve never had great teeth but I’ve always taken good care of them. Yep I’m one of those who floss without fail every day and brush twice, sometimes more. I’ve had a lot of root canals and gum surgery but all is good now. This round is very costly but I had to do it at some point.
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I think my brain goes dull when I’m in the dentist’s chair, that is, when it’s not paying close attention to make sure she’s not making a mistake (as if I would know). I’m glad you’re alert enough to look at the funny side and share it with us.
I’m guessing that dentists make a lot of money, and they deserve it. What an unpleasant task it must be–all that small, small detailed work done at inconvenient angles, all that spit and the occasional blood.
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My dentist is currently building a McMansion not too far from me. I think I’m paying for a wing. I’m glad someone is willing to do it.
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This was really funny. “I checked my boobs too” … you were on a roll 🙂
Next week when I’m at the dentist for my regular cleaning, I’ll be thinking about this post!
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Be sure to check for Kardashian signs!
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I don’t like the dentist – great post. 🙂
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I like my dentist but I don’t like people fidgeting in my mouth. I had it all done on Tuesday and my jaw is still sore.
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I have been pretty lucky teeth-wise. Most appointments are of the cleaning and maybe x-ray variety. If I was forced to go into a medical profession, I would definitely choose to be a dentist. Not a lot of blood, your assistants do most of the work, they are seldom, if ever, on call, and, best of all, they make tons of money for very little work.
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But they have to put their hands in people’s mouths. A friend’s son went into optometry because the hours were good, no medical emergencies and the pay wasn’t bad. Maybe I could do that better. No spit. Oh wait, I’m retired!
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Am I peculiar? I like going to my particular dentist. And he loves his job! He is very smart and funny, he saves me from no end of disasters short and long term. He boosts my morale and I am his favourite client. Or so he says.
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I like my dentist. He is fast and efficient. If I had better teeth and didn’t need so much work, I’d like him even better!
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Fair enough!
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Lol….that’s one way to get through two hours of dental work. Think of it as a post!
I can’t tell you how many times I tried to rinse out while my mouth was still numb and hit everything but that small bowl/sink they allow you to use. You’d think someone would have come up with a better plan by now but no…they prefer we embarrass ourselves as we drool down our faces.
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At least no one asked me questions!
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I think you hit gold with this one. Everybody had a comment. Here’s mine. 🙂 I think the only thing worse than a major dental appointment is getting caught in a traffic speed trap and having to pay up, big time. Kudos on keeping your good humor and getting through it intact. You are much more beautiful than any Kardashian!
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Watch for my reality show coming near you soon!
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Kate, why have I not yet learned to read your posts at home…alone…in private? I just read this at a local coffee shop, and now everyone is staring at me for my sudden bursts of laughter, while sitting alone with my phone. I just may need to find a new coffee shop. Very funny post!
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Thanks for your kind words. If your laughter made someone else laugh, it’s all worth it!
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Yeah, I have skinny lips also. And a small mouth. Even getting dental X-rays is an ordeal in not hitting the gag reflex.
I’m looking forward to the research on regrowing tooth enamel with stem cells going mainstream. Clean out that cavity, inject some cells, put up a barrier, and voila!
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I like that! Yes, I have that gag reflex too. I swear they use ginormous thingies when they take an x-ray.
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I thought I was the only person with skinny lips.
I have tried exercises, plumpers, numerous dental procedures with novacaine….nada. I’ve had black friends call me “no lips” Linda… lipstick winds up on the inside of my mouth! I give up! I don’t even have lips to chap! No need for lip balm here.
In lieu of my no lips self I concentrate on my eye makeup! I have liners, lash thickeners, shadows, highlighters and you name it! Now with old age my eyelids are starting to droop. I give up!
I am not sure which direction I will head next.
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Back when they first came out I tried a lip plumping lipstick. It didn’t work and I never tried again. My Novacaine shots made them feel humongous yesterday but they were the same size to look at. They always tell you to concentrate on either the lips or the eyes so you are doing the right thing. Aging isn’t for sissies. I say that every time I try something guaranteed (GUARANTEED!) to make me look younger but it doesn’t. I bet you have nice knees….
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And it’s good not to look like a fish.
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I’m always prepared to laugh when I begin reading one of your posts. Today I lost it at, “The brain isn’t that far from the teeth but it has no spit.” I never thought to ask my dad why he became a dentist. His father was a dentist, too. I suspect it was a profession you could get your teeth into.
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“get your teeth into” Really? The spit is the turnoff for me. Don’t even like my own.
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I didn’t think I minded spit until I saw my daughter preparing a vial to send off for DNA testing. That was repulsive.
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I did that too and made a mental note never to work there.
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I have a dental appointment on Friday. It’s just a cleaning but I’m not looking forward to it.
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I never look forward to dental appointments because I have sensitive teeth but I’ve learned to take care of them. I intend to take them to the grave with me.
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I hear ya… I have my appointment on friday the 13th…. bring on a big bottle of novocaine ;o)
btw: I once screamed like a banshee and the second dentist came in to see who is dead… she said oh man give her a shot before we lose all clients… the torturer grinned and said the screaming was for the shot duh! why it isn’t possible to get a general miss anastasia before the shot?
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I took ibuprofen before I went to take the edge off. I debated on a margarita but wasn’t sure I could sit still! 🙂
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I once had a dentist put his initials in my filling! He thought he was an artist signing his creation! I think Dentists might be born again satanists! And really why would one become that kind of doctor??? Hope you are feeling better.
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Is that like having 14K engraved on your necklace? Sore mouth but good.
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Two hours!? Oh my! I can’t think of many things worse than that.
If you’re worried about being a Kardashian, it’s no use just checking your lips and boobs – you also need to check your bum for implants!
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I’m on it. Nope. Same flat butt as always. 😦
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Phew! You don’t want a bum like a Kardashian! 😀
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Great write! You had me smiling and nodding the whole post, Kate.
“The worst would be to have an uncomfortable procedure the week before you die.” ~ true dat. 😀
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Yes, our friend who died two weeks ago was planning a knee replacement when she was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. A month later and all for naught.
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You know I’ve had my fair share of the dentist lately…and I’m still not done! Ugh, the pink gunk is the worst.🤢
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They need happy juice there. My mouth is still sore. The inside is a little swollen as I get my insides caught when I try to eat something.
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I laughed, but ei-yi-yi, I was already scared of going to the dentist! Hope everything turns out perfectly in a few weeks. I’ll be looking for you in upcoming toothpaste commercials!
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Yes, I’m the one with the sparkling teeth and the wrinkly old lips! 🙂
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Oh this is funny Kate. I love your second paragraph and naming fish!!
I shouldn’t laugh though as I hate going to the dentist. I bit one, but it was a reflex, honest!
When I was a kid, we had the dreaded rubber mask for extractions, and I always seemed to dream about rabbits. The profession has come along in leaps and bounds and now I have an anaesthetic cotton pad applied before the needle. It’s on my notes to be generous with the stuff to make it ‘take’. I am such a wimp.
We have appointments in May, and I think I’m going to need more than the basic descale and polish this time Rats!!!!
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The profession has come a long way. My first root canal was a nightmare that involved a rubber tent set up in my mouth (probably to keep the spit from going in the work area). My mouth is sore today and I can only eat soft stuff but I can’t really say it’s painful. Let’s see…soft stuff…cake, ice cream…etc.
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Oh cruel Kate, cruel in my present circumstances!!!!! .
Ice cream might not be a good idea for you though being cold it might twinge your nerves, but cake, trifle, cake, doughnuts, and did I say cake?
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Stuff that melts in your mouth for sure!
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I recall that rubber trampoline…
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🙂
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LOL!! I really hate going to the dentist, glad you survived. 🙂
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Barely. I drove directly to Starbucks afterward to reward myself.
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Good choice!!
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That was hilarious! I think dentist’s offices are just portals to hell. Mine keeps a Bible in the waiting room. Are we supposed to pray first? That doesn’t instill confidence in me at all.
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Portal to hell? Perfect! The bible would freak me out. It’s like have a priest ready for last rites.
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And yet my son will go and talk during the entire exam and cleaning and a root canal! I faint when the drill goes on!
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I had a lot of work done as a child so I tend to be stoic now. The processes are much better or else I’m taking much better care of my teeth now. I haven’t had a cavity in decades.
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