Are you biased? Do you get angry at some people but not at others?

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I bet these pups can handle a drive through better than some people.

A week ago I would have answered this question differently. I thought I treated everyone the same way. I don’t.

I didn’t realize this until the other day but first a little background.

Since my empathy is produced in pints rather than gallons, it’s always in short supply. I keep it for the people who need it most. That varies depending on my mood.

Older people with mobility issues deserve empathy as long as they are not in front of me. Then they are just annoying unless I have some of the pint left.

Kids are a mixed bag. I have empathy for the ones that work harder to fit in. The sweet ones that are targets. The quiet ones. The ones that work for what they want. There are a lot of great kids out there. (Fortunately because they will have to take care of me one day!)

Sweet animals, heck all animals, even those considered homely deserve empathy. Truth be told, they use up all my empathy before I get to people.

Stupid drivers do not deserve any. (Stupid is defined as someone who does not drive the way I do.) If you’ve been reading my blog you know one of my fantasies is to have a loudspeaker on the roof of my car. Just for educational purposes. Not to be annoying.

I would drive around and correct educate people. I’d yell “Hey stupid, do you know what turn signals are for?” or maybe “Red lights are not suggestions! They are meant for stopping!” Anyhow you get the idea. The reason I don’t get one is that you don’t know who is packing heat these days. In the old days people just flipped you the bird. Now they kill you. Also, it may be a felony in my state. Not sure. Would have to check that. I don’t look good in orange. (Seriously, I don’t!)

This past week I was in back of one of those stupid drivers. Argh! He pulled out in front of me so I had to apply the brakes. (This was pre-coffee too. Always a dangerous time.) I could feel blood bubbling. Then I saw it.

On his back trunk there was a large bone magnet. I looked around. He had golden retrievers. Aww. How can you get mad at a golden retriever? The blood stopped bubbling and a warmth came over me. (It was either the dogs or I wet myself!) That driver got a free pass. No bad words uttered. No eye rolls. No exaggerated hand movements. Nada!

It used up my empathy for the month. Just sayin’. Be on your guard!

 

79 thoughts on “Are you biased? Do you get angry at some people but not at others?”

  2. Yes… anyone with a dog in their car can get away with murder as far as I’m concerned.. people often deserve it, ( as in – I could have killed her !) few dogs deserve anything but empathy… even the vicious ones – who must have vicious owners !!!!

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  3. Haha. Anyone with a dog gets a pass from me, too. Except an ex-neighbor. Whose huge barking dogs used to lunge at my sweet Golden every time we passed their yard. No empathy there for dogs or human.
    My empathy scale is pretty large. Thus, I cry a lot during commercials and while reading a book. :-0

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    • That dog owner wouldn’t get any empathy from me either. I get really angry at pet owners that don’t train their pets. Any pet can be trained. Like people some take longer than others. The dogs I would forgive. The didn’t have proper training although I’d give them a wide berth.

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  4. In my retirement years, I have become much more of a “pacifist” driver.” I generally take the position, “His need to be first exceeds my need to be first!” Then I set if free and go on about my stress reduced life, coffee in hand. I think it must be a yoga thing! ~ Lynn

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  5. Having had a huge wake-up call last year, my empathy grew like the Grinches heart, but
    it’s interesting that the further away from the date of impact I get, the more I lose every day. Stupid corrodes empathy.

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    • You said a lot in your comment. I remember working with a cantankerous guy. He had a near fatal heart attack. He was so nice…for about a year. Then back to his old self. It is hard to be empathetic when people are super jerks.

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  9. I was never a finger giver, nor really a horn blower. But my wife turns into another person entirely when she gets behind the wheel, and she gets easily upset by other drivers. She’s better as a passenger, thankfully, so I try to do most of the driving because I’m always afraid one of these days she’ll honk at the driver who actually does pack a gun. – Marty

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  12. This was funny, Kate! I am an equal opportunity biased person when it comes to getting ticked off at people. I am actually pretty empathetic,,, when it comes to animals. My people empathy meter depends on how tired, aggravated, or stressed I am feeling at any given time.

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  14. I don’t think I can always point to why I have empathy, or even patience, for one person and at times NONE for someone else. I think subconsciously I probably do think some people deserve it more than others, but I’m pretty sure my criteria is flawed! LOL!

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  16. Hey there…this was the second post that I did not get! Found on facebook. So, I signed up again…fyi.
    Not sure if I am empathetic! I can’t watch the commercials for St. Judes and the ASPCA….I want to reach out and save them all. The children and the animals. Today someone told me they caught the mouse in their house. I said I wish there was a catch and release option for mice. She just said, it’s only a mouse. I disagree.

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    • There is a catch and release option. We have such a trap and used it to catch one. I hate those sticky ones where the mouse dies from starvation. Cruel. Not sure why you stopped getting the notice in your email. A mystery of the internet.

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  17. If you find a good deal on the loudspeaker let me know. My drive to work is one long show of ridiculous driving.
    Tonight I got cut off by a person who was half way into my lane before they put on the blinker. Then left it on for the entire exit and THEN changed lanes in the opposite direction while the blinker was going and nearly got his by someone who was pulling into the lane as well. AND THEN HONKED ANGRILY at that poor fool who believed the blinker and nearly pulled into her.

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      • I’ve actually been the person at fault and my first reaction was to be angry at the other person involved. It’s takes a split second longer for me to process my emotion properly or something? So I should probably give that blinker dude some slack but it was too much. WAY WAY too much.

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        • I have been much better at spotting when it’s something I did that created what looked like stupidity — like not turning off my blinker so another driver thought I was turning. I’m always trying to read what other drivers are doing. Sometimes people are in a hurry and do crazy things only to end up right in front of you at a stop light. Then again sometimes I’m in a hurry.

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  18. Although not always successful, I am trying to be more patient with people. After taking care of my dad as he got older and then dealing with my own limitations after I broke my hip and had to use a cane for a while, I have learned to take deep breaths and relax. Unfortunately, deep breaths don’t work when I’m driving… I’m not even sure golden retrievers would soften my reaction to stupid drivers.

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  19. You are not alone Kate. We will stop at a crossing for someone with a pram or a dog, but usually not someone on their own.
    We will fuss dogs first, then perhaps kids.
    Dogs bring out the best in us.
    As an aside, I met two cuties today…………. a huge GSD, retired sniffer dog, totally gorgeous and adorable, and a tiny sheltie under training as an assistance dog (to help her disabled owner take his shoes and socks off at night).

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  21. What a howl! That’s similar to a hoot. I guess I have enough empathy for most folks. What I need is duct tape for the driver of my car. He curses other drivers without using curse words. Yes, that is possible. Anyone who does not drive to please him is fair game. Unfortunately, they do not hear him; I do. Yep, I need duct tape and lots of it!

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  25. I am patient with stupidity . . . but not with those who are proud of it!

    I tend not to let other drivers ruffle my feathers ~> I don’t want to give them control over my emotional gear shifts. 😀

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    • Some things bother me more than others. I don’t care if someone passes me because they want to drive faster but I do mind if they pull of in front of me so I have to brake hard to avoid hitting them. Especially when no one is behind me! I do let most things pass but that wouldn’t make a funny blog post.

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  26. LOL this made me laugh so much, great piece. I am so glad I am not the only one who a) gives all my time and patience to animals while barely being able to muster anything for people b) could make the whole driving world better with a loud speaker. (there really should be some kind of test you can pass where they give you one of those for being an awesome driver).

    One thing I do find, is that if I let people through and they don’t thank me, I can explode. Sometimes the thanks comes a little late. And I’m mid-way through a plethora of curses when their hand will rise in thanks and snap… the switch is flicked and I’m all calm again… until the next a-hole who gets in my way.

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  27. I have zero empathy for people who make stupid choices deliberately. I’m not talking about people who are ignorant, even — it’s the ones who are willfully ignorant. At the top of my S*#% List right now are those people who listened to the orange pustule spout misogynist, racist, and even painfully idiotic lies during the last election cycle. And then they chose to vote for him. Now he’s flouting the rule of law and the constitution daily and chaos reigns in the executive branch. China and Russia and taking the lead globally as our understaffed State Dept. falls apart.

    There are not enough golden retrievers in the world to give me empathy for the fool with the MAGA bumpersticker ahead of me at the red light.

    It’s gonna take some kittens, too.

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  28. Patience is overrated! Maybe if we weren’t all so patient with stupid people they’d buck their ideas up and behave better! 😀

    I want to know whether the dogs were in the car because if they were there’s even less excuse for bad driving (just sayin’).

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    • Absolutely! There are a few other conditions — pre-coffee is always a crapshoot, when I’m running late and when I’m cranky. Empathy should be like deodorant. You can rub some one when you need it.

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  30. I have minimal tolerance for stupidity but then, is a stupid act simply a result of a lack of knowledge … or is it pure and simple stupidity?
    I have minimal tolerance for people who talk excessively and it’s always about themselves but then, are they simply been egotistical … or have they experienced a soul destroying trauma and really need to prop up their self esteem.
    I have minimal tolerance for unnecessary bad language but then, perhaps that is how they were raised. Perhaps they need somebody to sit down with them and explain the benefits of etiquette.

    …. and the list goes on.

    I have minimal tolerance of anybody who thinks life is simple, because it is clearly very complex … always assuming of course that one wants to participate in it! 🙂

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    • Good points. I’m not as kind as you are but I do remember being in the passenger seat with an impatient driver. The car in front was driving down the middle of two lanes. One went east and the other west. The dialogue in the car was getting heated (he was talking to the other driver, not me) when I pointed out the out-of-state license plates. My assumption was that the person was lost or at least not sure which direction they needed to go. I can muster up a little empathy from time to time.

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    • Funny how that works. At 3 am I had a discussion with my cat Mollie who thought it was the perfect time for some petting. Usually she’s good with three head rubs. Not so today. I took the time to calm her down so we could both sleep.

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  34. Everyone is biased in some way. The trick is acknowledging it. And then remembering it. Obviously for you a bone will set you on the path to empathy. We all should be so lucky as to have such a direct + simple way to remember to be empathetic!

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    • Somehow I was born for a weird gene that is sympathetic to those who cannot help themselves. I include animals in there because although they can take care of themselves, humans are creating an environment that makes it tough for them. I want to hug the child who doesn’t get picked or the person who didn’t get the job through no fault of their own. Mostly I save it for critters.

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