Adults are like kids. When we go to a new place, we look around and mimic what we see. It makes us look cool. We’re one of the pack.
I’ve been working at adapting new behaviors at my new gym. Some successful, some not so much.
The equipment requires adjustments so people of all sizes and levels can use it. Sometimes I sit on a piece for a few minutes and can’t figure it out. I just move on to the next. Then I watch someone else as they tweak it up. Each day I learn something new. First thing I learned was to make sure the weight level is always at the lowest. It’s either that or have 911 on speed dial.
There is the “swagger.” I didn’t have it at first. Then I realized that you get that after you exercise and can barely walk. It’s not so much of a swagger as a cry to your legs to work properly. In a straight line. With both feet pointed in the same direction. I got that down pat fast.
Some people walk around with towels draped on their shoulders. I rarely sweat but some guys are soaked as soon as they sit on a piece of equipment. They need a beach towel to sop that mess up. I wonder if I should bring my “cat” towel to swing around. Nothing says “pumped up bitch” like a cat towel.
I have to lie to one machine. You can punch in a “program.” It asks your weight and age. When I put my age in it goes blank. Obviously no one in my particular decade should be on that machine so I lie to it. It is a bicycle type thing. Nothing unique or dangerous. I never thought I’d have to lie about my age to a piece of equipment.
The grunt – guys do this more than the women. One of the adjustments is the weight tension. I am at the lowest end. These guys are at the upper end. I would grunt too.
There is an attitude to adopt…like you know what you are doing. I spent my life trying to look like I know what I’m doing so I should be good at it.
After two weeks it’s going well. It’s not a place to make friends but then again, I go before coffee so I’m not all that nice anyway.
Pingback: News from the gym | Views and Mews by Coffee Kat
Lol…maybe one day you can have coffee before the gym and surprise your gym mates with your charming personality..😊
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They won’t know who it is. They will think the aliens came and kidnapped me, leaving this strange but delightful person in my place.
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Sounds like you’re on the right treadmill, Kate! Love the cartoon ~ Tigger LOVED his treadmill.
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I’ve never had a cat that unrolled toilet paper…so far.
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Tigger purr-fected the technique! Tissues did not hold the same fascination for him.
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Morgan likes post-its and mail. That’s the closest we get to a “paper lover.” The more important the document the more teeth marks on it!
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Ha! Morgan’s probably looking for the vet bill!
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Oh, I do so hate gyms. When the machines aren’t out to get you, then the noisy [smelly] people are! I’m going to enjoy living vicariously through you as you learn the ways of the gym. Of course, maybe gyms are better now than the last time I had a membership about 10 years ago.
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I go at an off time (8 a.m.). It isn’t very crowded at all and it’s very rare to have someone next to me. Nor have I had to wait for anything. Lots of equipment, not many people, all good for me.
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That sounds ideal. I went to gyms that were always crowded, and the people were all VIPs. Interesting for people watching, but annoying for exercising. Your deal sounds better to me.
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Since I can’t stand people I wouldn’t do well at your old gym! 🙂
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Just what I needed first thing this morning – a HUGE smile. You have spot on observations here. The swagger – ha. And I used to think it was because those big guys thought they were hot sh**. I applaud you for lying to the machine. No one, or machine, should ask a woman her age or weight anyway…
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You are right about that machine. It didn’t even buy me a drink first!
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Don’t they have a trainer to teach you to use the equipment and start you on a beginning routine? I couldn’t go anywhere that just throws you out on your own to figure things out. Unless it is free. If it was free I might figure things out myself.
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There were five of us from our old gym that went at once. One of the staff showed us the equipment and suggested the number of reps. The machines are new to us and there are a lot so everything didn’t stick. The staff thought we were experienced because we came from another gym (little did she know…). I have been working to understand the different pieces and will ask for someone to help with the more confusing (to me) machines next week. I understand basics and rotate between upper and lower machines. As of now, I can’t do the gold standard of 3 sets of 10 on each piece. At least not without having an ambulance on standby.
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We’re still getting used to our new gym too. It has a different vibe than our previous one. In some ways friendlier, in other ways less so. I hope you ultimately like this new one. – Marty
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Sometimes I feel like a lost soul there but every day gets better. I hope this one works as it’s very close and convenient.
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This is hilarious. I love reading stuff I’ve done, right down to the “swagger.” LOL!
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You got to have swagger!
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You are a better person than I am, Kate. I just can’t make myself go to a gym. Takes me back to high school days. I do better just walking with my thoughts… 🙂
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I have to make myself go at this point. The old gym had the attraction of seeing people I knew even if they were just gym friends. The equipment was in a circle so you could do some level of chatting. I am at a serious gym now. Even though I see the same people at my time slot, we haven’t gotten to the acknowledgment state except for the guy at the desk and probably never will. That leaves exercising and we all know how boring that is. Sometimes I wonder if the boredom is why people fuss with all sorts of electronic gadgets to check their heartrate and stuff. It gives them something to focus on and perhaps creates personal challenges. As for me, I can’t get excited out beating yesterday’s performance (unless we are talking coffee here…).
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All sounds very familiar.. Love the cat treadmill! I’m walking more now too…but like you, the gym is my lazy/cold weather option. I’ve just bought a greetings card showing a woman wearily reclining on a sofa and the caption ‘Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away’. Sensible girl.
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Wise woman. It wouldn’t take long for it to go away either.
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I just knew you’d quickly assimilate and take on at least the pretense of comfort in the new gym! You are there to represent our generation, I think, and we are cheering you on!
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Still working on getting a routine. It takes times. I should probably get a trainer for a session or two. And I never last more than a half hour. I use the age card for that. (Love that age card! It gets me out of whatever I don’t want to do!)
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I laughed at the swagger – I knew what you were going to say before you even said it. I have that swagger every time I get off a bike 😉
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This morning I did the stationary bike last and yes, rubber legs afterward! BTW that’s the machine I have to lie to about my age.
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What a silly bike!
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You get more mileage from a visit to the gym than anyone I know! That was MOST amusing. Laughter burns calories, doesn’t it?
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It absolutely does! Probably more than that age discriminating machine.
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Glad to hear it sounds like you’re enjoying the new gym as much as one can enjoy a gym. Good for you for going. 🙂
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The word “enjoying” is a stretch but it’s not too bad. I feel better about getting a mocha latte afterward.
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It’s not a word I would use for myself when talking about exercise. 🙂 I would be in for the coffee part though. 🙂
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Now how can I justify the coffee without all the exercise?
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I think you need a coffee to think about that. 🙂
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This all sounds too complicated to me. Anyway. That’s the excuse I’m using for continuing my unbroken trend of not exercising.
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It is complicated. I spend a half hour three times a week, each time learning something new to add to my routine. I need to do it to keep physically fit.
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Hmmm, I wonder if my first comment went into your spam folder… anyway, I’m glad you like your new gym and are getting into the routine (I think all gyms have a distinct personality). So funny about that machine not recognizing your age – maybe it just couldn’t believe that you weren’t much younger. How many years did you have to shave off before it believed you?
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The machine wouldn’t accept anything more than 60. It’s one of the older machines too. Nothing fancy about it except it has a screen. I couldn’t believe how fussy it was.
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I didn’t find another comment from you but I did find a comment from one of my regular readers in spam so thanks for getting me to check it!
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Go you! I’m so proud of you, Kate! The swagger is a good thing, but it will ease up in time. I love the cartoon!
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So far, so good. We’ll see. It can only get better.
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Love it Kate. The one and only time I went to a gym and had a go on the conveyor belt thing that vibrated the fat away (not) I got a chinese burn!
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Oh no!
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I think I lost more inches laughing.
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I feel your pain!!
LOVE the cat cartoon at the end!
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They need to carry people towels!
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LOL as I read! Having to lie to a machine, now that is a new one. 🙂
Love the “cat treadmill!”
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I couldn’t figure out at first why it went dead when I put my age in. Then I noticed an age chart with heart rates and my age wasn’t on it! BTW I burned 3 calories on it!
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Ha Ha! That just means you are more physically fit than most people your age! 🙂
3 calories? Yes, you deserve a latte! 🙂
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Exactly what I thought!
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Remember great minds think alike! Though I am still waiting on Colin to come through with that beach house! 🙂 I guess that thought of ours didn’t work. 🙂
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Funny post, I’m crackin’ up! When I used to belong to a gym, I’d wildly wave the attendant over and explain for all to hear that i forgot (again) how to adjust a machine and would he or she please show me (again) what to do. I figured the way 10 other people were surreptitiously looking over the attendant’s shoulder and taking notes that I was providing a community service. Glad to help.
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I need you at my gym! Today I sat on one and couldn’t get it to budge. I moved to the one next to it. An old guy sat down on it and as I watched you had to twist the thingie instead of pull to get it to adjust. Bingo! Good for next time. He should be my exercise buddy!
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Love this: “Nothing says “pumped up bitch” like a cat towel.” 😺
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Especially little kittens or maybe puppies.
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Loving it, Kate. You’ve captured what I feel sometimes, going to the gym. I’ve just moved to a cold weather state, so I am going through the same getting-to-know-you dance with my gym here. I need to have an exercise place to go when the snow and ice arrive. Thanks for the encouragement!
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Not sure I offered a lot of encouragement but it does get better. I didn’t want to go back after day 1 but now it’s much better. Each day I try to learn a new machine. I only spend a half hour there. I figure that’s enough for me.
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love to see it with your eyes… specially the grunt-part ;o)
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Right now the only grunting I do is in the bathroom and that’s the way it should be!
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LOL. I had a gym membership for a brief while (actually I paid for it for a long while, just used it for a brief while). It was a “no judgement” gym, all types welcome. There were a couple of times I forgot to check the settings on the machine before I yanked on the handle. Now I just go for walks.
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I am rotating between walks and the gym and it’s good. I need something for cold weather when I can’t or don’t want to do walks. I want to try a few other things to mix it up.
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I loathe the male grunting. I can lift more weight than many of them (especially for legs), but you don’t hear me grunting like a pig truffle-hunting. When I can hear them through my headphones, it’s too damned loud.
But I loathe the guys who lounge on equipment between sets even more than the grunters.
I’m judgmental like that.
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Oh I am judgmental too! There is a woman who sits on a piece of equipment. Then she moves to sit on another one. At first I thought she was waiting for someone but at the end of it all she left by herself. I have no idea what she was doing. Truffle-hunting! Love that! There will be more posts because it’s such a different environment from my old lady gym.
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I did a whole circuit, three sets on each piece of equipment once, while this woman sat on the chest press seat. I finally had to pointedly ask, “Are you actually gonna lift?”
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I’m in awe. I haven’t done three set on anything yet. I will do one or two, move to something else, then come back. It’s a lot harder than my last place. I’m thinking the old place had the tension set at 5 lbs. I’m getting better though. Trying to work a routine that cover upper and lower body. I use the stationary bike to end it. That give me the rubber leg swagger that’s so important.
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Oh, the bike. If that’s not recumbent, it’s too much of a pain in the ass!
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Not sure what recumbent is but it was a pain in the ass…literally. My butt is sore.
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Recumbent is where the wheels are raised and you sit in a normal seat that hurts your butt less.
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I don’t remember if there was a front wheel or just pedals. You sit in a normal seat. It’s my gluts that are sore! Maybe not from this machine, then again, what do I know.
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Hahahaha! You are so “real” Kate. And that’s what makes your blog posts so funny and fascinating. I have all those reactions – the same feelings – the same urge to look like I know what I’m doing. Eventually we will fit right in and won’t even have to lie to machines.
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The machine was crazy. It was a simple bicycle but depending on how you set it, you would get more tension peddling. I felt like such an old person!
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No. Not.old. We are not old persons. Just new to machines and slow to progress.
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Or as 12 year old me would have said, “it was a dumb machine.”
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