The last stage of guilt…maybe

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My brownies looked a lot like these. Source: pixabay

Aside from eating three brownies this past weekend (I can’t believe I did that!), I don’t feel guilty about much. I have accepted my idiosyncrasies and no longer apologize. Sometimes I explain but never apologize.

There are things I don’t like to do. I don’t do them. On the other hand there are things I like to do that others may think is wasteful or ridiculous (daily Starbucks runs come to mind). No matter. I’m comfortable doing them anyway.

For example I’m not a traveler or a camper. I only travel to get someplace I want to be and I have to “want to be there” a lot to endure the rituals they now call traveling. Body searches, seats created for kindergarten children, extra charges for breathing air. You know what I mean.

Camping was never one of my loves. I can appreciate the beauty of sitting around a campfire in the evening but most of my memories are of freezing my butt off or gale force rains or aggressive biting bugs.

For several years I had a house in a beachside community. (No, it wasn’t ON the beach. Those homes cost a gazillion dollars.) I enjoyed it. It was a good getaway but there was twice the work and worry. Sometimes I miss it but when I hear of a nor-eastern storm coming up the coast, I’m grateful that someone else is worrying. I wish I had a friend with a beach house. That’s much more practical.

It’s all about different stages in life.

Some things make sense. You don’t do something because you don’t like to do it. Other things are more complicated. I have IBS (irritable bowel syndrome). For those unfamiliar it means I have bathroom issues. When I gotta go, well…I gotta go. It peaks and wanes but it does guide what I do and where I go (literally and figuratively).

I never eat unless I know there is a bathroom available. I would never eat street food. Not because I’m a sanitary freak but because food trucks don’t come with potties.

I also like CLEAN potties. (Did you hear me pizza shops? You are the most disgusting!)

I’m cautious about concerts and plays. I rarely eat much beforehand because even if the venue has a bunch of potties, the lines are outrageous.

Anyone who has suffered from this, gets it. Those who don’t, have no idea why I think twice about attending something or downright turn down some events that may be awesome.

I used to have a sense of guilt about it but no more. Does it really matter what someone thinks? Do they think I’m boring? Perhaps, but do I care? Nope.

Everyone harbors secrets. Some folks have severe health issues that you can’t see. Makes my bathroom runs seem like a walk in the park. I try not to be all judge-y about things but I’m human and unless I understand, I sometimes am.

I realize that there is a root reason why people do things. Then again, sometimes I wonder if they are freaking nuts! Depends on my mood! Which reminds me, there are some brownies left over….

 

 

84 thoughts on “The last stage of guilt…maybe”

  3. I think that’s a very good way to live your life. Not apologizing (unless of course you do something horribly wrong!). And I’m sorry about the bathroom situation. I can only imagine…But I feel you when you say you like CLEAN bathrooms, although I guess who doesn’t? But I’ve definitely “held it” for a long time until getting home because a bathroom doesn’t pass inspection!

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  4. We’re just back from a 9 day trip to visit family ~ BFF’s sister & her family, my older brother & his family, BFF’s 2 brothers, etc.

    But I’m with Dorothy ~> THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME!

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  5. I have a couple of friends and one family member (in particular) who can’t seem to get it that what they enjoy doing may not be what I enjoy. Because I don’t like to eat out very often (I prefer to cook and control ingredients) and I’m not a big traveler, they literally nag me! It’s kind of silly, I think! I do think it’s important for us to take care to address our particular needs and when there are health concerns, it’s even more important. I have friends with IBS and I know the struggle they encounter. I wouldn’t want to be in unfamiliar territory with that malady either! You write a convincing reminder that we are responsible for our own well-being, and we may at times need to avoid listening to the committee!

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  7. Yeah, the root reason is people are freakin’ nuts. LOL That’s what I like to write about … the root of things.

    I totally relate to this. Not a big fan of traveling or camping. I’m very content right where I am. When I first started blogging, somehow I was communicating with travel bloggers. At first I felt so dull compared to them. After a while, when I kept reading, it seemed they were searching for something outside of themselves. Maybe it was just the thrill of adventure. I don’t know, but I realized I’m completely happy with my little corner of the world, and to me, it’s a wonderful adventure.

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  8. Good post. Life can be difficult with a body that doesn’t always behave the way we want. I don’t travel because of “my problem”. I did have surgery several years ago that made life a bit easier but didn’t completely reverse the problem. Used to bother me that some people thought it weird or didn’t understand but now I tell them to be thankful they have bodies that are well behaved.

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    • Most of the time I am less troubled by my limitations than others. We each have our own stuff to carry. Mine is a lot less than some others. Glad you were able to get some help with yours. I wouldn’t think you are weird.

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  10. Only 3 brownies in a weekend? Either you’re an amateur or not trying hard enough 😉

    You hit the nail on the head with the comment about people having hidden issues. It’s easy to be all judge-y, but more often than not, there’s an underlying issue that explains their behaviour.
    No one should have to explain their personal reasons for being a home body.

    Going to an event with little or no washroom facilities is enough to make me take a pass. In the spring, the senior’s group I belong to held an event in a park with no facilities. Are you kidding me? A gathering of several dozen seniors and NO facilities? Issues or no issues, that was reason enough for me to decline.

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    • Sorry, that was 3 brownies in one day. Not the whole weekend. I am trying to control it to one or two a day now. They are my homemade recipe. Way too much butter and sugar (yum!). A senior event with no rest facilities? That’s crazy. Even the healthiest of my friends have to go to the bathroom at least once in an afternoon.

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  11. Hubby can sympathise having IBS also. We have discovered that he can eat practically anything I cook with no problem, but have something similar out or ready made? Nope….. can’t-go-far-from-the-loo-itis strikes. As for that brownie? Wouldn’t see the plate!

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  12. Those brownies look delish! I join you in having a sweet tooth!
    All.those wonderful idiyoscrancies that make YOU….YOU! Yes, have to celebrate them 🙂 And if people think you are nuts, so be it! I am used to that. LOL!

    I do sympathize with your IBS. I was diagnosed with that before they diagnosed me with Celiac. For the most part I am fine now as long as I stick to a gluten free diet.

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  13. Gilt be gone…oh, wait, that was guilt be goner. Growing up I had what was called in those days “sensitive tummy”…which finally disappeared in college when I stopped chugging the Mom mandated full glass of cold OJ. (You’d think a mother who had serious food allergies would have figured that one out, but no. )
    Irritated tum is an occasional problem/pain, but I live with it and watch my diet – or prepare for the results. Other people have issues so much worse. (and we were taught not to complain – nobody wanted to hear it – and everyone “has their cross to bear” – hard to get past those lessons learned young)
    Beach houses are like horses: better if someone else owns them! (Oddly working on post in beauty direction now)
    Cheers for not caring if you are thought weird or boring!

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    • I started with a sensitive tummy. By the time I was 20 it was irritable colon. It wasn’t real bad back then but I had to be careful. As I got older it became a companion. My triggers are more stress related but I have food issues too. Cheesecake would be considered a rental food since it’s out of my body before the last piece goes in my mouth. My issues are a lot less than a friend with severe RA. Everyone has something. I had a horse too and learned that lesson. I need friends with benefits (not THOSE benefits but beach houses, pools, that kind of thing). At this point I can’t fix who I am. As always, looking forward to your post.

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  14. I’m with you on all parts of this post. Learning how to be unapologetic for my freaky foibles is a slow process but I’m not far behind you. Bathrooms nearby a must and and 3 brownies in one sitting would be a dream come true.

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  15. IBS was another gift of the fibromyalgia. I totally understand. Totally. Fibro, Osteoarthritis, CFS (another fibro gift), IBS, sciatica…to name a few…have been the boss of me for going on 15 years–LOL! There are worse things in life and none of these will kill me. Oh yes–I’d eat the brownies! Probably four! ROFL! 😉

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    • Had another brownie today. Three left and I’m trying to pace myself. Maybe one mid-afternoon and two tomorrow. You’re right. A lot of health issues won’t kill you. I get frustrated because I haven’t been able to get medical help for it after 40 years. Sometimes it’s better and I’ll go for a long time without issue. Other times I won’t leave the house.

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  17. I’m a big traveler – I figure I won’t always be able to go these places, and besides right now I’m one of those volunteers who spends a lot of of time at a refugee camp in Greece – but these days I get edema in my ankles when I stand and sit too long, so there’s that. I wore compression anklets last night for two hours and it was not fun. Like keeping a bathroom always in mind. Still, I like that I do’t much care any more what people thing. That’s one big advantage of getting older. Plus, I don’t have to hang out with boring or lazy or critical or badly behaved people, like I did when I worked.

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    • If you enjoy traveling you should do it before you have major health issues. Your volunteer experience sounds pretty special. As long as you can figure out a way to solve your health issue who cares how it looks. I have a dear friend with lymphedema. I had to help her with compression bandages for a while. Didn’t look pretty but it helped a lot. In cooler weather she wore pants over them but in the summer she just let them show!

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  18. I can totally relate to lots of your words. I too have IBS but the opposite issue from yours. One daughter is like you and undergoing tests and such. Ruled out Celiac which my other daughter has and she is on the FODMAP diet. That means air and water. Just kidding but it took away most of the foods she loves. Many of which are summer fruit and veggies which are in season now and everyone around her is thoroughly enjoying. It makes me so sad for her. So you know anything about that diet or have you tried it? She feels somewhat better but has three more weeks of the eight she was supposed to give it. She’s starving. Like you say, medical or even dietary restrictions can affect people’s desire to travel or just go out to eat. I’m glad you’re no longer feeling the need to go along or apologize. Sounds like you have made peace with the IBS and are enjoying life on your own terms. Good for you. Good post.

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    • I traveled a lot when I was younger (and my IBS more manageable) so I don’t feel like I’m missing much. I’ve looked at the FODMAP diet and I don’t know if I could follow it. A few years back I did a diary of all that went into and out of my body (for 6 months!). I found some food triggers from that but stress is my biggest one. I was tested and do not have Celiac. IBS runs in my family but it seems to hit more women than men. My sympathy to your daughter. I hate to see young people saddled with this.

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  20. I know people with Crohn’s have to go through that with bathrooms, too. The only excuse I have for all the potty stops is an aging bladder. Sorry you have to go through that. You are smart not to travel more than necessary with that condition. Travel is horrible–just got back from mom’s!

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  21. It’s really important and helpful to me to read posts like this one, Kate. I still tend to beat myself up far too often for the choices that I make, or wish that I felt differently about certain things in life. I’d like to be less concerned about other people’s perceptions. Your post offers a nice reminder that it’s possible to achieve this little personal nirvana. Thanks. Karen
    P.S. – If your brownies look like the one in the photo, I congratulate you for limiting yourself to three!

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    • Thanks for your kind words. I think we all struggle with this from time to time. We can say we are not concerned about how other people think but then something happens and we are affected. (It’s how they sell cosmetics! 🙂 ) Trust me I did not limit myself. I gorged. During the summer I’m less of a sweet person and more of a salty one so I surprised myself.

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  22. Oh dear IBS….. plotting all the washrooms along any given route. Trying to go before you have to just in case you can’t when you need to! Wishing you were in UK where (I believe) IBS sufferers have a card which authorizes them to go to the front of any w/room line-up. Repetitive colonoscopies just to check on how “things” are up there. Fortunately, I have been relatively stable for many years now (just keep taking those big red pills!). Unfortunately, age is dictating prostate issues so finding w/rooms quite fast is once again a daily chore. I stay home a lot!!!!!

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  23. I had bladder issues, so I understand partially what you’re saying. As I get older I realize how worried I was about what others thought of me and whatever I wore or did. Now I am learning to care for myself and what I think.

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  24. I’m with you … I like it to be somewhere, but for some things I prefer my own home ;o) I’m “just” a sanitary-maniac, there is no issue on the health front… my mother said I’m the weirdest person ever, I flood the whole shopping cart with my disinfection spray and open doors with my elbow, but I have no problem to kiss my dog after he had his nose everywhwere…

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  25. I could eat 3 brownies and not feel guilt at all; indigestion maybe – but guilt, no way! You’ve probably heard the expression, “Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first.” I subscribe to the “two aunts theory”; let me explain it. The first aunt said she always eats the food that she enjoys the most from her dinner plate first and the second said she always “saves” her favorite till the end of her meal to thoroughly enjoy it. The first aunt said she wouldn’t do that because if she died partway through the meal, she would not die with her favorite food as her last flavor. I’m like the first aunt; eat it when you can, because you never know! I too don’t enjoy the “actual travelling” though I like being somewhere else (and I don’t have IBS or anything, just don’t like all the waiting, lining up, crowds, searches etc.) I am all for being teleported where I want to be. I was born too soon. Kate, I had a question about your dry eyes; I too suffer with it and am wondering if this has been a bad year? I know you can’t take Omega 3 now so is there something else that you take? I am finding driving especially hard this Summer due to dry eye.

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    • I’ve always been the second aunt until the last few years. I had a brownie before supper last night. Yum! It’s been a bad “dry eye” summer for me too. My eye doc said that I may also be affected by pollen in my eyes. (I don’t have seasonal allergies.) He gave me some drops for that and I take it occasionally. Can’t really tell if it works. I was taking Xiidra (first prescription was free, the rest require a mortgage) but during the summer it stung so badly when I put it in that I stopped it. I had taken it for a while without stinging so I don’t know why. Last week was a bad week. This week is better. I have no idea what the difference is. In my area an eye office started to offer Lipiflow. It’s expensive but when you are having a bad week, I will pay or relief. I’m going to ask my eye doc when I go back in the late fall. Other than that it’s eye drops (started using Clear Eye and like it better than others), lid scrubs and when it’s really bad, warm compresses. There are a lot of new things in clinical trials. Hope they come out during my lifetime! Good luck!

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      • Thanks for replying Kate. I had never heard of Lipiflow so Googled information about that. It seems that it is available in Toronto but I don’t know at what cost and I’m not at all sure I want to go that route since I really hate being fussed with. I think I will check to see if I can buy Clear Eye – it says online that it is available at Walmart (that may or may not be true…will have to investigate further to find out – sometimes things can be ordered online but are not available in the local Walmart). I am guessing that you use the preservative-free formula or Clear Eye for Dry Eye; am I right? I tried Restasis quite a while back and it stings and burns and is a pain to store and I stopped using it about 3 years back and just rely on Systane Ultra. A big part of my issue (my bad) is that I look at a computer all day long, love to read books, watch t.v. – you get the picture, I don’t drink enough or blink enough and am working on correcting those issues too….but it’s not easy.

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        • Lipiflow costs are around $1600 for a treatment which may have to be repeated yearly or at some time interval. I’m waiting to see more reviews on it locally and to see what my own doc says about it. When I initially asked when it first came out, it wasn’t local. There weren’t enough “experiences” for him to recommend based on the high cost and I’d have to travel an hour or two to get it. I do preservative free (stings less) and the great thing about Clear Eye is that they have preservative free bottle with a special dispenser so you don’t have to fuss with individual vials. I spend too much time on the computer too. I stopped reading for a while but last night I felt good enough to pick up a book (well, really my Kindle). It is not easy to teach yourself to blink. And oh yes, I don’t really like water so I don’t drink near enough either.

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          • Wow, we have a lot in common. Water isn’t my favorite thing either and I don’t naturally just drink liquids all day long. I am rarely thirsty until I am dehydrated and have a dry sore throat. My reading is also on a device; I have always been a book-reader but two Xmases ago my boyfriend bought me a Kobo. I love it because it is backlit, I download books from the library for FREE so have spent no money on books, can put the font to a big size so easier to read etc. but the downside is that I am reading more than ever! (65 books in 2015, 69 books in 2016 and on track to read even more this year) You are right, it IS hard to teach yourself to blink more – maybe I need a device that “shocks” me every so often to remind me! I will check to see if the Walmart up here has those drops but I’m not holding my breath because you get a lot more choices (and cheaper, just check out Amazon.com then look at Amazon.ca if you don’t believe me) in the U.S. than we get. I will let you know if I get Clear Eyes drops and how they work out for me. Sure won’t be trying Lipiflow – I would have to be beyond desperate to pay that much for a treatment that might or might not even help.

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  26. I don’t feel guilty about much of anything. It’s a waste of emotional energy. I’m sorry you suffer with IBS. I can imagine that it slows you down more than you want, but does give you a good excuse to stay home, says the introvert. 😉

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  27. One of the advantages of aging is that we care a whole lot less what folks think. It isn’t that I don’t care at all, and I care a lot a bout what some folks think, but in general…I worry about it a lot less. That’s a good thing.

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