I am the youngest of 50 cousins with the ages spanning 20 years. Many are gone. That comes with being the youngest. Outliving everyone comes with a price.
When I was young we all lived close. We saw each other frequently and got together for parties and picnics. It was a close family with a lot of shared fun.
As we got older, our worlds got smaller as cousins married, moved and had families of their own. I no longer saw many of my cousins, even those I was close to.
We still saw each other at weddings and celebrations.
Now we only see each other at funerals. My brother and I will go but we will be lucky if we see ten of the remaining cousins.
Some have health issues. Some have mobility and transportation issues. Some have already passed. Cousins are almost extinct in our family.
I remember the days of growing up when families were tight and close. Everyone watched out for everyone’s kids (and yelled at them when necessary). No one threatened to sue anyone even if they fell on their pavement. Absolutely no one threatened violence.
People are transient these days often living far from their roots. I don’t know if cousins bond as they used to. Soccer teams don’t make up for that family feeling.
Every family has their share of characters. Some were funny. Some were kid-oriented. Some were cooks extraordinaire. Some were party people and some were all about the booze.
The one who died was one of my favorites. He was a straight up guy. Lots of fun with no funny stuff (if you know what I mean).
He will be missed.
I’ve enjoyed hearing about your family through reunions and other stories you’ve shared. I can’t relate to such a large family, but I think you make the point best when you remind us that you’re one of 50! The loss of even one, favorite or not, is a significant loss to a family. I’m glad you shared with us, and I’m very sorry for the loss. Time marching on isn’t all smiles, that’s for sure. ox
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I was reflecting this morning that September is almost over. How did that happen? Time does move on…way too fast.
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Sorry about your cousin Kate. Sorry I am behind here too. I have just gotten behind. Thinking of you.
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Thanks. We all get behind sometimes. Glad you circled back.
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You have definitely been rich in cousins over the years. I had eight first cousins, now only six. Every few years we have a family picnic. One cousin is the most insistent on planning picnics or stopping by and staying all night. Sometimes she can be annoying until I remember how much I appreciate her and the strong, long-lasting ties that bind us together.
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Lucky you. There is no one in our cousin group that is dedicated to making that happen. At this funeral there were only four other cousins in attendance (that includes the wife of the deceased). Most of them are either gone or well over 75, most over 80. Being the youngest has both advantages and disadvantages.
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What a hard thing it has to be to see family ties begin to unravel….especially ehen it is such a large and close family. How I envy your memories.
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Wish I had more pictures of everyone. Back then we didn’t take pictures like we do today.
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There were 12 cousins on my dad’s side. Our dads were all best friends, so we spent a great deal of time together. Lunch after church on Sunday, holidays, vacations. And yes, you’re right about being yelled at by a random relative and jumping to attention because they had as much authority as our parents.
We rarely see our cousins now, but this past May a cousin happened to be in London at the same time we were. So we got together for an afternoon, and it was like being with a brother. So much shared history.
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It is like that. A lot of giggles and good times.
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sorry for your loss, my prayers are with you and your family
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Thanks.
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Sorry to hear about the loss of this gem. You are right….things are very different today and soccer fields can’t replace the importance of family. I LOVED that line.
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Family life has changed forever even in close families.
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Good memories. Sorry for your loss.
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Thanks Perpetua.
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I am very sorry to hear about your loss, Kate. This is a very timely post as I just reconnected with two (out of a total of five) of my cousins. It is great reconnecting with family (and friends) that I had lost touch with after living so far away (Beijing) for so long (14 years). I am the eldest of my cousins so I am very happy to reconnect with them now.
Donna
http://www.retirementreflecitons.com
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I always thought being the eldest would be cool. You had your milestones first and they probably looked up to you. Beijing is far away. I’m glad you have been able to bridge the time.
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Thanks, Kate. In birth order, I had the best of both world. I am the youngest of two (my sister is now deceased) but older than all of my cousins. Gives you a double perspective!
Donna
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Yes it does. I was the youngest (by 16 years) and the youngest of the cousins too. I was always the little kid that tagged along.
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I’m so sorry for your loss Kate. You’re right, watching your family get smaller each year is difficult. There too many goodbyes as we get older. Too many people list with whom we can no longer share our memories.
How lucky you were to have such a large and caring family.
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I was lucky. I wish I would have understood that when I was young. I would have cherished it more (and taken more pictures!).
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We all wish that, Kate. You have what you have and that’s quite a bit. You’ll cherish those moments.
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Sorry for your loss. I had a lot of close cousins when I was young. We mostly don’t stay in touch any more.
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Some of my cousins I haven’t seen in decades. My cousins on my father’s side I haven’t seen since the 1970s. I doubt that I would recognize them.
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50 cousins? That’s amazing! Sorry for the loss and the melancholy cloud. I and the second-youngest of my extended family, and so I can appreciate your thoughts about slowly becoming one of a few. All of my brood are still around, but we indeed all our spread around the country.
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Some of mine are living across the country but most are fairly local. Still I don’t get to see them. The last big congregation of cousins was over ten years ago at a funeral. We were all seated at a table and got so loud and giggly that the hairy eyeballs were coming our way. Some of those folks I haven’t seen since. Several have severe health issues. Time changes things but I remember that day vividly. I don’t think I had laughed that hard in a long time.
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Sounds wonderfully blasphemous!
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It was. I didn’t want to leave. We were there for 4 hours (for lunch).
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Same thing with my family. We are now down to 5 or six and they live far apart. It is almost like the family is gone.
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I know! It’s kind of eerie being one of the “elders.” I never expected that to happen.
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I grew up in a pretty small family – mother, father, two brothers and only one cousin (who lived on the other coast). My mother’s family, on the other hand is quite large and close. Most of them live within a few miles of each other in St. Louis, and I love to visit them when I can. Big families are a blessing (or a curse, in some cases) and you are lucky to have one. Unfortunately, loss is part of the messy package. I’m sorry for yours.
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You are lucky that you can still get to see them. There was a 50th wedding celebration a few years ago and there was a segment of the cousins there. It was a good time but I don’t think that will happen again.
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My sympathies, Kate. It sounds like he was a terrific guy.
I’m the youngest of a far smaller number of cousins. All of them stayed in CT where I grew up, and I don’t see them nearly so often. My eldest cousin turns 80 two days before I turn 60 so there will be a big do which should be great fun.
But like you said, outliving folks isn’t a goal. When the favorites aren’t around, life loses a lot.
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Yes I am finally understanding something my mother told me long ago. She said it’s not as much fun when all your friends and family are gone.
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My condolences. I’m always amazed when I hear about people who have cousins who remain in touch with them. You’ve been blessed in that regard. Perhaps a small comfort, but a good one nonetheless.
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Over the past 20 years we haven’t been in touch as we were when in our teens and 20s. When families explode there just isn’t time.
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What a rich childhood you had! 50 cousins!!!!! I simply can’t imagine it. I had zero first cousins, since neither of my uncles had children. I didn’t know what was in store for me when we began to have nieces and nephews. All but two lived in the same town we did, so our children knew their cousins very well. They all went to the same church and the same school. I loved watching the cousins interact. We not only saw them on a daily basis, we also celebrated holidays together. They were close, and they kept up with each other. Everyone has scattered now, but they connect with social media and occasionally call each other. I am so pleased they have this rich heritage.
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Ours was very similar only we didn’t have social media to keep in touch. I love Facebook for that. I know what my nieces and nephews are up to. It’s nice.
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I am the youngest of 25 and I know what you mean. Many of my cousins have passed on.
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Yes, you get it.
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I think I saw my cousins twice growing up. They lived thousands of miles away. I never got to bond with them, and have no memories of good times, not like you do.
But then, I had plenty of siblings, half-siblings, and step-siblings.
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You had your hands full with your own family (which as I remember was just a little crazy).
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I am sorry for your loss. I too remember when families were close and tight.
Uncles and Aunts are now few and those that remain are in their late eighties or nineties. Sadly I would not know my cousins or even nephews/great nieces/great nephews if they knocked on my door as my family is very divided and not just by mileage.
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We had some of that too. I wouldn’t recognize the children of my cousins because I haven’t seen them since they were kids.
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You are blessed to have wonderful family memories.
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Yes I am blessed.
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I’m so sorry for your loss. And a little jealous. Your family sounds like such fun to have grown up in. I have two cousins that I think I met once or twice.
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It was but that was decades ago. Everyone is tied up with their own families so it’s very rare that I see any of them.
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I was really close to all my cousins growing up, although I wasn’t lucky enough to have as many as you. Yes, we have drifted apart a little over the years – but when we reconnect – it’s magical.
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Yes it is. Since most of my cousins are in the late 70s to 80s range, it gets a lot more complicated. It’s sad that the connections mostly are at funerals.
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Fifty cousins…wow, I only have six. My condolences to your family, Kate.
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My mother was one of 8 and my dad was one of 6. Makes for a lot of cousins.
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Like Jill, I only have 3 first cousins since mom was an only child (whose parents both emigrated from Scotland leaving much of their extended families behind). Dad had just one sister who had 3 kids. But we did have a great time together whenever we visited them in Vermont.
I still see my aunt and one of the cousins every winter when they’re down here from Vermont ~ my uncle passed away this past January. Haven’t seen the other 2 cousins since my parent’s 50th Anniversary in 2005.
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My grandparents emigrated. My mother’s mother had a sister here but that was all. Everyone else was back in Germany. I think the “leaving the family behind” galvanized the family here to stay close for a long time. You are a destination. That’s a blessing (and can be a curse).
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They have their own place in North Fort Myers . . . so it’s all good.
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That’s perfect!
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My condolences. As the youngest of my family and the cousins, i can relate.
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Over the past decades I haven’t seen much of him but we did celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary about 6 years ago. My brother (who is much older than I am) and I have this running contest on who is going to outlive who. Traditionally in my family the women outlive the men. To be honest, I don’t care. Outliving people isn’t one of my goals. Who will come to my funeral?
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