I was born a very bright human. I knew everything there was about life by the time I was age 13. (I can hear my Mom’s eye’s rolling from her grave.) I spent the next 6 years or so educating my mother on how life worked. It was a huge project. Tedious. Adults did not seem to know much.
The lessons often ended in arguments. (I know you are stunned. Mothers and daughters arguing. How novel!)
It was worthwhile. By the time I hit my 20s my mother was very smart. In fact she was so smart I didn’t know how she had learned it all so fast. It must have been a miracle.
There were always things that she said that I didn’t think were true. Or wouldn’t happen. I wish she was here so I could tell her how right she was. She’d like that.
Lesson #1 Hold your tongue – If I heard her say that once, I heard her say it a thousand times. It didn’t make sense. If in all my wisdom, I was able to set someone straight on some stupid path they were following, wasn’t it the right thing to do?
As it turns out, no. Sometimes looking through my set of filters offers a skewed view. Everyone has a different drummer. Some drummers don’t have a beat or tune I like or enjoy. I don’t have to listen. I don’t have to criticize. I can walk away. They don’t have to play music at my functions.
My mother could be very outspoken if she didn’t like my drummer but I knew she kept quiet when it came to others. I suspect she didn’t comment on all my drummers either.
What a great lesson that was and I can’t figure out why it took me (being so bright and all) so long to learn.
I just felt a big ray of sunshine. I think I heard her say, “Finally!”
Great post, Kate. We all come to understand our parents at different times and ages. Sometimes even after we do it takes longer to admit it out loud..:)
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I love this, Kate! I always said that my parents learned so much when I went away to college! And Like you, my mother taught me, “Keep a civil tongue in your head, missy!” It’s how Jeremy and I have been married 35 years without fighting…sometimes I nearly bite my tongue off until cool enough to discuss! And now that I look back on it, my mom never got mad…she got quiet!
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I attribute my current successful marriage to holding my tongue and letting things go. There are many ways of doing the same thing. My way may not be the best for someone else.
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I always enjoy it when you share about your mother, Kate. I wonder when she learned the art of holding her tongue. Some people develop that practice early in life and they’re the better for it. In this, like many matters of character, I was a late bloomer myself! 🙂
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I’m guessing my mother was a late bloomer and didn’t want her daughter to follow in her footsteps. She tended to say what she thought. She was kind but direct.
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Tongue holding. Not my strong point. I need to work on that in honor of you, and of Tess. And in hopes of keeping my butt out of hot water for a change.
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NO! That’s the thing I love about you. You have this wondering tongue.
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Considering I currently have a “young Kate” living in my house, I’m happy to know that my words of wisdom may actually be RECOGNIZED. Thanks for the hope and rock on Tess!
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Let’s hope it happens before you are dead!
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Awwww… I love this Kate ♥
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Thanks!
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It is amazing how smart our parents get right about the time we become self sufficient adults.
I still haven’t fully learned to corral my tongue. Sometimes it just runs away and says how things OUGHT to be. Almost always I regret it. Its none of my business. But honestly, if they would just listen….
I’m so bad at keeping my tongue that I think I’ve succeeded if all I do is say “I’m not going to say anything…. [PREGNANT AND SIGNIFICANT SILENCE OF IMPLIED JUDGMENT]”.
And I can’t honestly say that’s really much of an improvement over the actual opinion being spouted.
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I went through that “I’m not saying anything” stage (with judgment of course) and occasionally I have a relapse. It gets my disapproval out there in a subtle (ok, not so subtle) way.
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You did a great job educating your Mom on the facts of life Kate. She turned out to be a fine ontelligent woman
😁
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Yes, I worked very hard on that.
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I’ve been holding my tongue so much during this election cycle that it’s bruised and my fingers are all slimmy.
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OMG! The election. I can’t even go there. Migraine coming on.
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Could we extend this idea to bumper stickers during presidential election years? There are some bumper stickers that do not need to be said.
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I like that idea. Facebook posts too!
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Good idea. We can make this work!
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I’m in!
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I’m sure your mother and mine were friends somehow. I always knew everything and Mother nothing. That is until my children were born and I suddenly realised how much she knew. Thanks for sharing this with us
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I didn’t have children but when I started working I was amazed at how helpful her advice was. Imagine that! The same woman who said I shouldn’t be wearing short skirts.
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Love the photo, love the lesson and love your last paragraph, Kate. Awesome!
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She would love to hear me say she was right! The photo was from maybe the 50s when all women routinely wore dresses. They were at a picnic.
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I choose my battles carefully these days Kate! ~Elle
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Very wise!
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Hahaha, this is so funny and so true. Your mother and aunt were a couple of cuties.
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They were characters. Anything for a laugh. That was at a family reunion near my uncle’s pond.
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I love that backstory!
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Most families have at least one backstory.
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I used to be a youth leader and remember how absolutely smart high school kids were, or at least so they thought.
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It’s due to their vast experience with life (or so they think). 🙂
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It is so hard to learn when it’s the right time to help, rather than listen, or walk away. Especially when you’re so sure someone is being an idiot.
That’s why I only give driving advice to others — complete with profanity — when the windows are rolled up.
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Yes! And I give great advice in the shower too!
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lol. good idea. and with no little ones in the car, of course. :p
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Of course!
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Great picture. You must be a chip off the old block.
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We are similar but different in many ways.
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Same sense of humor?
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Not quite. I’m much more snarky than she is. However she was much more outspoken than I am. Maybe in the end it’s the same.
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I love the photo of your mother and her sister, Kate. The advice given to you by your mother is something I try to practice when I go out into the world…and at home too. 🙂
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My mother was an amazing person. I came to appreciate her more as I grew up. She had that “common sense” factor that is so rare these days.
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Fun post, Kate.
Sometimes holding our tongue is the “path of least resistance.” We don’t have to step in and step on toes just because those toes are dancing to a different beat.
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You have to know when to hold ’em and know when to fold ’em.
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